Happy New Year, everyone.
My resolution is to write more crap. My laptop is still out of order, so when that gets back up, expect more rants.
Stay safe out there. Don't trust Elvaan.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Hecking Heck
So, my laptop is probably definitely dead. It is no more. It has ceased to be.
So for the meantime, this strange new app on my phone must suffice.
Technology is weird and must not be trusted.
Yet I will complain and blog on.
My ps4 version of XIV is up and running now, and boi let me tell you... This shit is beautiful.
I can murder many a shit in high definition now. Loading times are a thing of the past. I can safely say that if hunts were still a thing, that thing I may do. Because of loading times. Fuck yeah.
Anywhoo, stay tuned. Because we have moved into October, I feel the urge to post spoopy XI things. Just not right now.
I have a room to paint Princess Pink.
... Don't ask.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
A Dream Deterred
Like I had stated before, there were a bunch of things I never did in FFXI. Mostly high level things like murdering the shit out of HNMs. Not because I didn't want to. Oh, no, you guys have it all wrong.
Who wouldn't want plan for months, gather a huge team of mighty warriors with poor grammar, get killed by Tiamat serial times until you land a lucky shot, get a drop, and wear something that would be obsolete in a few patches?
Sounds like a grand old time to me.
No, I didn't do most of the things I wanted to because I never gave enough of a shit to take time away from enjoying the game and turning it into a chore. That's exactly the reason why I haven't joined a raid group in FFXIV.
Is it because I think I'm weak? Pfft, fuck off. I am confident if I ever did try a raid, i would destroy whatever happened to walk in front of me. Be it Alexander's various appendages, some sort of giant enemy crab, or an elezen.
Yes, I did sky raiding with an LS. Yes, it was on a set schedule. Yes, I punched God in the face. But you know what? Looking back on it, I could have done so much more activities than setting aside 3 days a week plus Saturdays so I could kill a turtle a few times.
If I want to raid, it will be on my own terms. Bitch.
Plus anything obtained in a raid will be worthless within two patches.
Now, this post isn't only about raids or HNMs. There were other things I never got to do because I would be forced to sacrifice hours to Skylar, the God of Time.
Also, I hate working with people. They're always retarded, not me. Never.
I had large aspirations in my early years of XI. Dynamis was one of the things I enjoyed, yet as it became more and more popular, people were forced to schedule times and dates that a certain LS would enter.
Fuck that shit. Let me murder some invasive Quadav for a fancy hat.
I never got to do ZNM or Odin fights when they came out because I needed a team. I never got to do Salvage because I needed a team. I never did anything having to do with Pandemonium Warden. The Zilart missions took me years to complete. I still haven't finished CoP or ToAU because everything requires a fucking part time ingame job.
That was one of the things that infuriated me about XI. You could do nothing by yourself. At least in XIV you could join a random raid and maybe the retard your paired with will pull heads out of asses en masse just long enough to scrape a win from the bottom of the loser barrel.
But I would honestly do that over and over rather than making a game into a job. Fun and misery on my own terms, dammit.
Music to my Ears
No matter how long you haven't played a game, there's always one thing that sticks with you no matter what.
The dunes. That will never go away no matter how much therapy you go through.
But seriously.
The music.
It's crazy what music can do. It can take you back to old memories or doing Goddess knows what.
You log into the Playonline viewer. Just this tune is enough to get you amped up:
This would play as you quickly hit all the buttons to log in as fast as possible:
The dunes. That will never go away no matter how much therapy you go through.
But seriously.
The music.
It's crazy what music can do. It can take you back to old memories or doing Goddess knows what.
You log into the Playonline viewer. Just this tune is enough to get you amped up:
This would play as you quickly hit all the buttons to log in as fast as possible:
Once you finally log in, if you're like me, you were greeted with this:
Then you would gear up, step outside the comforting city walls and into the harsh wilderness:
Kill a few monsters:
After shit murdering, maybe head up to Jeuno to do a little shopping:
What's that? Someone needs help killing Dark Spark in Castle Zvhal? I'll be right there!
Sweet Altana, that song always sends shivers down my spine and pee down my leg.
So you head back to Jeuno, and someone asks you if you can help them unlock samurai. Being the not 20,000g charging guy that you are, you agree and head off:
After the quick battle is over, you have time to kill before mom makes you a sammich and tucks you in. Maybe you gotta go strut around the other cities and show off some Bastokan superiority. Head over to Windurst first because Tarus pose no threat at all:
Then get your ass to Sandy because those snooty elves need a good dose of manliness:
After all the elves are crying, you decide it's time to get going, so you head back to your Mog House:
And you log off for the night. What a great day.
See how much of a time travel simple music can be? This is something I feel XIV lacks. There's not a ton of memorable music. Maybe the cities, I dunno. If you asked me to hum the theme to Limsa Lominsa right now, I would draw a blank and tell you your shoe was untied even though you're not wearing shoes and you're in my house why exactly? Get out of my house.
But seriously, guys. Memorable music lasts a lifetime. Remember that.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Brother, MYY Brother
Before you begin reading this post, play this song. It will get everyone in the mood.
Now, we can begin.
My brother and I started and played FFXI at the same time. I remember telling him I didn't want to put any money towards the PS2 version because, and I quote, "I probably wouldn't play it much." You all know how that turned out.
We started on the same account, different characters. Passing the controller back and forth. Because of this, we couldn't do anything together ingame, so we were just forced to help each other out externally (re: not kill one another over who's turn it was).
I wanna say he did more stuff than I actually did, even though I had more game time. I remember him entering that Ballista Royale tournament, and it was awesome, even if their team was knocked out in the second round. It was two rounds further than I got. He was a master at murdering the shit out of Stroper Chyme and was a gosh darn sexy thief with his scorpion harness and knives and stuff.
If there was a nickname I could give him that suited him, it would be "Ballista master thief and killer of Stroper Chyme sometimes."
Perfect.
Eventually after I moved to Louisiana and set up the game down there, he agreed to open another account so we could play. I transferred all of his things and deleted his character. It was sad, and I felt really bad about doing that, but I helped him out as much as I could. I promise.
We played XIV together as well, buying the v1.0 collector's edition and having a woo-dilly of a time, all the while ignoring the fact we paid $80 for early access to a pile of shit.
There aren't many things better than playing a game with a close family member, and everything we did I treasure. It was fun and awesome and I hope to continue to have more adventures with you, brother. Even if you're a poopy butt fart from a shit fuck.
Now, we can begin.
My brother and I started and played FFXI at the same time. I remember telling him I didn't want to put any money towards the PS2 version because, and I quote, "I probably wouldn't play it much." You all know how that turned out.
We started on the same account, different characters. Passing the controller back and forth. Because of this, we couldn't do anything together ingame, so we were just forced to help each other out externally (re: not kill one another over who's turn it was).
I wanna say he did more stuff than I actually did, even though I had more game time. I remember him entering that Ballista Royale tournament, and it was awesome, even if their team was knocked out in the second round. It was two rounds further than I got. He was a master at murdering the shit out of Stroper Chyme and was a gosh darn sexy thief with his scorpion harness and knives and stuff.
If there was a nickname I could give him that suited him, it would be "Ballista master thief and killer of Stroper Chyme sometimes."
Perfect.
Eventually after I moved to Louisiana and set up the game down there, he agreed to open another account so we could play. I transferred all of his things and deleted his character. It was sad, and I felt really bad about doing that, but I helped him out as much as I could. I promise.
We played XIV together as well, buying the v1.0 collector's edition and having a woo-dilly of a time, all the while ignoring the fact we paid $80 for early access to a pile of shit.
There aren't many things better than playing a game with a close family member, and everything we did I treasure. It was fun and awesome and I hope to continue to have more adventures with you, brother. Even if you're a poopy butt fart from a shit fuck.
Leveling Areas In A Nutshell
Finding a perfect camp to level was difficult. Mainly because there's a 100% chance your party would end up being retarded. So you tried to offset that retardation with massive exp gain and several hammer blows to the temple. There were a bunch of camps to choose from, yet some yielded more exp than others. And thus concludes the end of this post. I hope you enjo-
*Nearby WWII-style radio crackles to life*
"As, quick! I've fallen into a time machine and need to know where to level circa 2005! Also, my penis is nowhere near as big as yours is."
No problem, bro. I got you covered. And I'm sorry I make everyone around me, regardless of their timeline, feel inadequate. Here's a list of everywhere I got used to leveling from 10-75. Also, who the fuck are you?
10-20 Valkurm Dunes.
*shudders* Yeah, start here. Start near the Konschtat Highlands entrance and kill lizards until you don't die from just looking at a crab. Then go kill crabs at one of the beaches.While looking at them. Goblins as well.
20-25 Qufim Island
Make the long and stressful trek to Jeuno. You will die along the way. But not to worry! Qufim Island awaits! Murdering worms is fun and mega good exp when you're just starting. Head to the center lake and murder your fill. Just be sure to run away at night. When worm exp gets slow, head to Delkfutt's Tower and murder crabs and gigas around there. Five levels might not seem like a lot, but with a retarded party, it feels like an eternity.
25-32 Kazham
Assuming you got your keys, jump on the airship and head to the tropical paradise of Kazham! Sexy Mithra come from here. Right outside the main gate are several camping spots that are taken. Find a new experimental one. Seriously. They're always taken. Murder Mandragora until 30 then get lost on your way to Yhoator Jungle. Whenever you arrive, and if your entire party hasn't disbanded due to people constantly dying, kill Mandragora and goblins until 35 then get the fuck out of there. Like, now.
32-38 Garlaige Citadel
This is one of the other places where hope goes to die. No one will know how to do their job, but will let you know how to do yours. Kill beetles and bats until your party disbands. Then find another party until level 38. Just do it, guys. Please.
38-48 Crawler's Nest
Ok, guys. Set up a mailbox and put a shrimp on the barbie, because you're going to be here a while. Kill Crawlers. And keep killing Crawlers until your hands fall off. Then glue them back on and keep killing Crawlers. Go deeper into the nest and kill Crawlers. Workers, Rumblers, Soldiers, oh my! Just don't look up.
48-56 Kuftal Tunnel
Oh boy, this place brings back memories. Mostly lying face down while our healer runs away whilst aggroing every crab in the zone. Kill crabs and lizards. And get used to it. They last for a while. You can move deeper and kill goblins and raptors if you like.
56-60 Cape Terrigan
Dunes v2.0 Kill crabs and pugils and any goblins who might run into you. Then kill them again because everything aggros and links here. Enjoy, you fucking masochist.
60-65 Boyahda Tree
This place. This fucking place. If you manage to find a party of people who actually know where this place is, go there. You'll make memories that will last a lifetime. Mostly of spiders using sickle slash until you throw your controller across the room and scratch fervently at your face. Kill crabs too. You've already killed crabs in every other fucking area, so might as well.
65-70 Bibiki Bay
When I discovered this place, it was magical. This was at a point in my career where everyone knew how to do their job and parties were like well-oiled machines; awkward and sticky with a Spanish guy yelling off in the distance. Kill dhalmel and the occasional wandering goblin. Just be sure not to get exploded. Efts are optional because they take way too long. You could probably level to 75 here, but where's the fun in that? Where's the fun in anything, really.
70-75 Ro'Maeve
Now, unless you have your moongate pass, this place will be a bit difficult for you. Get that shit on a full moon and put together a party. Murder everything that looks like frightening nightmare fuel. Grind it out. This is the last camp you'll ever see until you decide to level something else. Then start this list all over while crying blood.
And there you have it! These were all the places I camped while I was playing. Of course, there were several one-off areas and experimental camps. Of course new areas were added with each expansion, so this list might be useless unless you fell into a time machine like whats-his-face over there.
Might want to write this down just in case.
Reporting for Duty
This. Guys, this.
Wings of the Goddess.
This shit is what I wanted. This is what I sacrificed Tarus for. Like, a lot. A lot of Tarus went into making this expansion.
I got the PS2 version from a Gamestop in Miami, and I read the back of the case over and over. I read the manual over and over. This was something completely different. I, great warrior that I was, would be time-traveling and fighting enemies hundreds of years in the past.
Finally, I could take on the beastmen horde and save the future of Bastok!
And let me tell you. The beastmen looked fucking awesome in their past gear.
Honestly, if the tribes still had that armor, I would have joined up with them to conquer the world.
Also, could fight alongside the greatest heroes of the past. Like Maat and everyone else who isn't Maat.
This expansion also gave us two new jobs; Scholar and Dancer, which both should not be on any kind of battlefield whatsoever. It also introduced us to Lilisette, a famous dancer I guess with a dozen facial expressions and an amount of hentai searches to rival even Prishe.
But the new jobs and fap material were not what I was after. Those were extras. Sexy, sexy extras
I wanted to see what Bastok was like before it was graced with my presence. Before my character was born by the grace of the Goddess and every mother was forced to discard their child in shame because, yea, they were not me.
There were other areas too, but fuck everything else.
When I got there after trekking through past-versions of zones I know and love (re: fucking hate), I arrived in Bastok and it was... The same, really. Except cannons everywhere. Not sure what I had expected. Maybe spots around the market area that weren't built yet? Maybe? But that didn't happen. It all looked the same except with more flags and guns. Which was cool, I guess. It was wartime after all.
I quickly enlisted because fuck yes, and then I started murdering stuff in campaign battles, which consisted of a large group of mighty warriors defending a strategic outpost from wave after wave of beastmen horde. Until a boss showed up, then everyone either died or ran away until the battle was over.
Seriously, guys. You're supposed to be the pride a nation. A giant Quadav farting poison should not force you to scatter like roaches. And this happened. Every. Time.
Campaign battles popped up everywhere, so I had to collect outpost points to quickly get from areas around Bastok to areas not around Bastok that I only protected because I am the hero this world needs.
I collected allied notes and rose through the ranks. I did ops where I searched the city and disposed of suspicious items, which was probably a way for them to trick me into being a janitor. I killed beautiful fairies and didn't kill ugly, ugly Elvaan. Famous people like Maat and Beastmaster Moui were recruited and sacrificed upon the altar of Bastok. I murdered a lot of shit and messed with the past so much, I'm surprised when I got back to the present, Karst wasn't replaced with a tonberry wearing a fancy mustache.
It was really awesome feeling like you were fighting for the future of the world, even if you already know the world is gonna be fine. Also because a cat told me to, and I never say no to a magical feline. It was cool watching the Shadow Lord rise to power, only to murder him again and again. It was beautiful. Wings of the Goddess delivered everything I hoped for except one thing.
Everyone know's what I'm talking about. We expected it the moment we looked at the game manual.
Chocobo jousting.
...What? Just me?
Well, maybe it was only me who wanted jousting. But I know a lot of people who were disappointed there wasn't any sort of Chocobo combat. That shit would have made this expansion about 7% better. Also, thank you for making a job with AF more frilly than Corsair. My dignity thanks you.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go... um... Research Lilisette.
Wings of the Goddess.
This shit is what I wanted. This is what I sacrificed Tarus for. Like, a lot. A lot of Tarus went into making this expansion.
I got the PS2 version from a Gamestop in Miami, and I read the back of the case over and over. I read the manual over and over. This was something completely different. I, great warrior that I was, would be time-traveling and fighting enemies hundreds of years in the past.
Finally, I could take on the beastmen horde and save the future of Bastok!
And let me tell you. The beastmen looked fucking awesome in their past gear.
Holy shit.
Also, could fight alongside the greatest heroes of the past. Like Maat and everyone else who isn't Maat.
This expansion also gave us two new jobs; Scholar and Dancer, which both should not be on any kind of battlefield whatsoever. It also introduced us to Lilisette, a famous dancer I guess with a dozen facial expressions and an amount of hentai searches to rival even Prishe.
But the new jobs and fap material were not what I was after. Those were extras. Sexy, sexy extras
I wanted to see what Bastok was like before it was graced with my presence. Before my character was born by the grace of the Goddess and every mother was forced to discard their child in shame because, yea, they were not me.
There were other areas too, but fuck everything else.
When I got there after trekking through past-versions of zones I know and love (re: fucking hate), I arrived in Bastok and it was... The same, really. Except cannons everywhere. Not sure what I had expected. Maybe spots around the market area that weren't built yet? Maybe? But that didn't happen. It all looked the same except with more flags and guns. Which was cool, I guess. It was wartime after all.
I quickly enlisted because fuck yes, and then I started murdering stuff in campaign battles, which consisted of a large group of mighty warriors defending a strategic outpost from wave after wave of beastmen horde. Until a boss showed up, then everyone either died or ran away until the battle was over.
Seriously, guys. You're supposed to be the pride a nation. A giant Quadav farting poison should not force you to scatter like roaches. And this happened. Every. Time.
Campaign battles popped up everywhere, so I had to collect outpost points to quickly get from areas around Bastok to areas not around Bastok that I only protected because I am the hero this world needs.
I collected allied notes and rose through the ranks. I did ops where I searched the city and disposed of suspicious items, which was probably a way for them to trick me into being a janitor. I killed beautiful fairies and didn't kill ugly, ugly Elvaan. Famous people like Maat and Beastmaster Moui were recruited and sacrificed upon the altar of Bastok. I murdered a lot of shit and messed with the past so much, I'm surprised when I got back to the present, Karst wasn't replaced with a tonberry wearing a fancy mustache.
It was really awesome feeling like you were fighting for the future of the world, even if you already know the world is gonna be fine. Also because a cat told me to, and I never say no to a magical feline. It was cool watching the Shadow Lord rise to power, only to murder him again and again. It was beautiful. Wings of the Goddess delivered everything I hoped for except one thing.
Everyone know's what I'm talking about. We expected it the moment we looked at the game manual.
Chocobo jousting.
...What? Just me?
Well, maybe it was only me who wanted jousting. But I know a lot of people who were disappointed there wasn't any sort of Chocobo combat. That shit would have made this expansion about 7% better. Also, thank you for making a job with AF more frilly than Corsair. My dignity thanks you.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go... um... Research Lilisette.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Stupid Friday
Friday snuck up on me fast. Almost... Too fast. Like it was just waiting at the end of the week for me to be right up on it... then BAM. In my face like mace. Stingy.
And I happen to have work tomorrow, plus getting all the crap together for my new vehicle. Which you probably don't care about, so here's something I can segway into:
Chocobos: The driving force behind everything.
I have to say, if getting a car in this world was as easy as getting a chocobo in that other world, I would't be losing as much hair as I am now. Luckily, I am cultivating head hair on my face as a backup plan, but still think about it.
You talk to a guy who looks like me but smells like bird shit, then you feed a chocobo for a few days, and that's it. If all I had to do was fill my car up with gas for a few days in order to obtain it, things would be a lot simpler.
Now, most of you might not remember that SE snuck in a little quest at one point. When I was explaining to a friend that all he had to do was talk to poop guy then feed a bird, I was a little confused when he told me there was a cutscene involving a chocobo getting lost in Konschtat Highlands.
Apparently SE thought it was more important to raise a chocobo before you got a license, so they placed the raising system quest before the license quest. Makes sense to me question mark?
I myself never actually gave a shit about raising a chocobo. Of course when it first came out I hatched my egg and watched over my chick carefully. And when it came time for the feathers to turn colors? Yellow. ALWAYS YELLOW.
I just kinda forgot about it for a few months and then it grew up. I imagine the stables were much like a neglected tamogotchi, with piles of shit as far as the eye can see.
My chocobo whistle was worthless because I could walk faster than my chocobo could run, and I'm pretty sure all the females were laughing at my registration card as they walk out the door with a football quarterback in each arm. So I would release my little guy into the sunset, and I would shed a single tear as I watched the friend I raised from an egg turn and walk away. Very, very slowly walk away. Seriously, all that racing training, and he still moved slower than a Galka through a sea of Tarutaru corpses that I probably murdered.
Oh that reminds me!
The chocobo racing circuit they added later was a fucking joke. No one ever went there, and the few times I did, I lost money because you had to pick two winners. Two. It was hard enough picking who you thought would finish first, but picking two was just evil. And you know the funny thing? Every chocobo I picked to finish first, finished fucking first. But the one I bet on to place second would stop to pick at his asshole while Cleetus in left field ran up and snagged silver.
It was bullshit. And I had such high hopes because gambling can be fun. Also, it was called Chocobetting. You would place a Chocobet and win Chocobucks. Jesus Christ, the whimsy is through the roof.
Chocobo stuff in XIV is a lot more betterer. At least I finally have a chocobo that isn't yellow and actually moves faster than a rock.
In conclusion
Something. Good night, all. And happy Friday.
And I happen to have work tomorrow, plus getting all the crap together for my new vehicle. Which you probably don't care about, so here's something I can segway into:
Chocobos: The driving force behind everything.
I have to say, if getting a car in this world was as easy as getting a chocobo in that other world, I would't be losing as much hair as I am now. Luckily, I am cultivating head hair on my face as a backup plan, but still think about it.
You talk to a guy who looks like me but smells like bird shit, then you feed a chocobo for a few days, and that's it. If all I had to do was fill my car up with gas for a few days in order to obtain it, things would be a lot simpler.
Now, most of you might not remember that SE snuck in a little quest at one point. When I was explaining to a friend that all he had to do was talk to poop guy then feed a bird, I was a little confused when he told me there was a cutscene involving a chocobo getting lost in Konschtat Highlands.
Apparently SE thought it was more important to raise a chocobo before you got a license, so they placed the raising system quest before the license quest. Makes sense to me question mark?
I myself never actually gave a shit about raising a chocobo. Of course when it first came out I hatched my egg and watched over my chick carefully. And when it came time for the feathers to turn colors? Yellow. ALWAYS YELLOW.
I just kinda forgot about it for a few months and then it grew up. I imagine the stables were much like a neglected tamogotchi, with piles of shit as far as the eye can see.
My chocobo whistle was worthless because I could walk faster than my chocobo could run, and I'm pretty sure all the females were laughing at my registration card as they walk out the door with a football quarterback in each arm. So I would release my little guy into the sunset, and I would shed a single tear as I watched the friend I raised from an egg turn and walk away. Very, very slowly walk away. Seriously, all that racing training, and he still moved slower than a Galka through a sea of Tarutaru corpses that I probably murdered.
Oh that reminds me!
The chocobo racing circuit they added later was a fucking joke. No one ever went there, and the few times I did, I lost money because you had to pick two winners. Two. It was hard enough picking who you thought would finish first, but picking two was just evil. And you know the funny thing? Every chocobo I picked to finish first, finished fucking first. But the one I bet on to place second would stop to pick at his asshole while Cleetus in left field ran up and snagged silver.
It was bullshit. And I had such high hopes because gambling can be fun. Also, it was called Chocobetting. You would place a Chocobet and win Chocobucks. Jesus Christ, the whimsy is through the roof.
Chocobo stuff in XIV is a lot more betterer. At least I finally have a chocobo that isn't yellow and actually moves faster than a rock.
In conclusion
Something. Good night, all. And happy Friday.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
A Whole New World
Chains of Promathia did a good job of keeping us in the same continent. It was awesome to see new parts of the world you've grown familiar to.
But then. All of a sudden.
Treasures of Aht Urhgan.
It was a whole new continent. With whole new shits to murder. This was huge.
Well, not huge. But really big.
One look at the map could tell you this was going to be a long drawn-out expansion with tons to do. Which wasn't a bad thing. I loved new quests and areas to explore. But that also meant the expansion might be 25%-30% new endgame stuff that I probably wouldn't do for a long time. Or ever.
I read and reread the manual that came with my PS2 copy. The new beast tribes looked fucking bad ass. Lamia, which all looked like 1980's harem Medusa. Mamool Ja, giant lizards with bobbly penis heads. Big ass Trolls, which looked like trolls. And Qiqirn, those adorable little racist stereotypes.
The latter three would also periodically attack Aht Urghan Whitegate, the entrance to the main city, in a fucking huge battle called Besieged, which I will go into greater detail in another entry because I do what I want.
Also, guys! New jobs!
Yes, this expansion brought the jobs Corsair, Puppetmaster and Blue Mage. All of these jobs looked interesting. Especially Corsair. Man, all that frilly armor looked... Gay, I'm not gonna lie.
But the fact that Corsair was continuously called a pirate piqued my interest. Enough that one of the first things I did was unlock Corsair.
So fucking frilly. Kill me now.
That's better. Sorry, Darios. Sometimes collateral damage is necessary.
After attaining Corsair, I quickly learned it was as much a pirate as San d'Oria was my favorite place to visit. In case that went over your head: it wasn't.
Yes, they got a gun and hat. And the name. But that's the extent of their piratism. I never once plundered ships or made British soldiers walk the plank. I did get plenty of booty, but that was just my regular routine.
Quick: what's the first thing you think of when I say "Pirate"?
Did you say "Cards?" Good! Because that's what Corsair had. It's main ability was cards.
Shiny cards that spun around. Probably to distract party members from the fact that you were doing shit damage. And probably just staring at a Mithra's ass.
And everything was expensive as hell. You had to use dice to obtain abilities (like you do), which you couldn't get anywhere except a vendor, who sold them for regular vendor-inflated prices. Then bullets were still fucking expensive. And your Quick Draw abilities cost different cards plus bullets. Fucking shit, SE. It's like you actually WANT people to buy gil.
But all that aside, Aht Urhgan was a solid expansion with tons to do and a new hub city that turned Jeuno into a ghost town. Which wasn't a bad thing. It was actually one of my wishes from the very beginning. Only difference was the whole "expansion" thing and not "Elvaan-seeking nuke."
Try to be snooty when you're dead, bitches.
Spoiler: Elvaan actually can.
But then. All of a sudden.
Treasures of Aht Urhgan.
It was a whole new continent. With whole new shits to murder. This was huge.
Well, not huge. But really big.
One look at the map could tell you this was going to be a long drawn-out expansion with tons to do. Which wasn't a bad thing. I loved new quests and areas to explore. But that also meant the expansion might be 25%-30% new endgame stuff that I probably wouldn't do for a long time. Or ever.
I read and reread the manual that came with my PS2 copy. The new beast tribes looked fucking bad ass. Lamia, which all looked like 1980's harem Medusa. Mamool Ja, giant lizards with bobbly penis heads. Big ass Trolls, which looked like trolls. And Qiqirn, those adorable little racist stereotypes.
The latter three would also periodically attack Aht Urghan Whitegate, the entrance to the main city, in a fucking huge battle called Besieged, which I will go into greater detail in another entry because I do what I want.
Also, guys! New jobs!
Yes, this expansion brought the jobs Corsair, Puppetmaster and Blue Mage. All of these jobs looked interesting. Especially Corsair. Man, all that frilly armor looked... Gay, I'm not gonna lie.
But the fact that Corsair was continuously called a pirate piqued my interest. Enough that one of the first things I did was unlock Corsair.
So fucking frilly. Kill me now.
That's better. Sorry, Darios. Sometimes collateral damage is necessary.
After attaining Corsair, I quickly learned it was as much a pirate as San d'Oria was my favorite place to visit. In case that went over your head: it wasn't.
Yes, they got a gun and hat. And the name. But that's the extent of their piratism. I never once plundered ships or made British soldiers walk the plank. I did get plenty of booty, but that was just my regular routine.
Quick: what's the first thing you think of when I say "Pirate"?
Did you say "Cards?" Good! Because that's what Corsair had. It's main ability was cards.
Shiny cards that spun around. Probably to distract party members from the fact that you were doing shit damage. And probably just staring at a Mithra's ass.
And everything was expensive as hell. You had to use dice to obtain abilities (like you do), which you couldn't get anywhere except a vendor, who sold them for regular vendor-inflated prices. Then bullets were still fucking expensive. And your Quick Draw abilities cost different cards plus bullets. Fucking shit, SE. It's like you actually WANT people to buy gil.
But all that aside, Aht Urhgan was a solid expansion with tons to do and a new hub city that turned Jeuno into a ghost town. Which wasn't a bad thing. It was actually one of my wishes from the very beginning. Only difference was the whole "expansion" thing and not "Elvaan-seeking nuke."
Try to be snooty when you're dead, bitches.
Spoiler: Elvaan actually can.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Updates? Updates.
Yes, I have been slacking on updating the blog. Does it mean this blog is dead?
You wish, Himmler.
This blog will remain strong and steadfast. Just, slowly paced. So you know what that means?
Check back as often as you can! Every day! Every hour maybe. In fact, just keep checking the page.
So, what have I been up to in my blog-absence? In short: work. In long: a lot of fucking work.
This new house is coming along nicely, albeit slower than the blog updates. There will be some changes in the next few weeks, but never fear! I am still awesome.
I finally got around to watching Wicker Man, and it's as painful as the time I took WoW for a spin.
It hurts my soul and my hole.
Nicholas Cage's acting is painful to watch, yet you can't look away. Like a hobo fight, it threatens you with whatever is around it. Bees? Yes. More bees? Totally. This is a movie of bees, I gathered so far.
Bees and yelling. Also punching women. Which is never cool, guys. No matter how good it feels, never punch a woman.
As the end credits roll by, I feel cheated. Like Nick owes me something. This movie was free, yet I feel compelled to demand a refund.
Can one refund time? Possibly.
Anyways, check back often. Updates are sure to come.
Just like bees.
You wish, Himmler.
This blog will remain strong and steadfast. Just, slowly paced. So you know what that means?
Check back as often as you can! Every day! Every hour maybe. In fact, just keep checking the page.
So, what have I been up to in my blog-absence? In short: work. In long: a lot of fucking work.
This new house is coming along nicely, albeit slower than the blog updates. There will be some changes in the next few weeks, but never fear! I am still awesome.
I finally got around to watching Wicker Man, and it's as painful as the time I took WoW for a spin.
It hurts my soul and my hole.
Nicholas Cage's acting is painful to watch, yet you can't look away. Like a hobo fight, it threatens you with whatever is around it. Bees? Yes. More bees? Totally. This is a movie of bees, I gathered so far.
Bees and yelling. Also punching women. Which is never cool, guys. No matter how good it feels, never punch a woman.
As the end credits roll by, I feel cheated. Like Nick owes me something. This movie was free, yet I feel compelled to demand a refund.
Can one refund time? Possibly.
Anyways, check back often. Updates are sure to come.
Just like bees.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Easy As 1, 2, 3
It has come to my attention that dunes parties these days are pussified versions of their former selves. Kids these days will never know the horrors we went through. They have their little books and cozy exp bonuses. Well, time for a learning experience, fellas.
I present, for you viewing pleasure, Asrail's ABC's of Partying In Valkurm Dunes Circa 2005:
A is for Alright! Time to level up!
B is for Better put up my party flag!
C is for Certainly I will join your party!
D is for Don't you think we should wait for a healer?
E is for Everybody says we should wait for a healer.
F is for Fine, let's try without a healer.
G is for Great, we're all dead.
H is for Home Point.
I is for I forgot to set my home point close by.
J is for Jogging back to the dunes.
K is for Kiting a train of goblins to Selbina.
L is for Look, I just want two more levels so I can go to Qufim.
M is for Member. We need one more.
N is Nobody has their flag up.
O is for OMG a healer.
P is for Please invite this healer so we can get exp.
Q is for Quick before someone else grabs him.
R is for Really? Is the leader afk?
S is for Seriously? Is he seriously fucking afk?
T is for The healer just got a party. And the tank left. To party with the healer.
U is for Ughhhh. I fucking hate you, dude.
V is for Violence. I want to use it on you.
W is for What the actual fuck, guys?
X is for Fuck this shit.
Y is for You guys are retarded.
Z is for Fuck the dunes.
I present, for you viewing pleasure, Asrail's ABC's of Partying In Valkurm Dunes Circa 2005:
A is for Alright! Time to level up!
B is for Better put up my party flag!
C is for Certainly I will join your party!
D is for Don't you think we should wait for a healer?
E is for Everybody says we should wait for a healer.
F is for Fine, let's try without a healer.
G is for Great, we're all dead.
H is for Home Point.
I is for I forgot to set my home point close by.
J is for Jogging back to the dunes.
K is for Kiting a train of goblins to Selbina.
L is for Look, I just want two more levels so I can go to Qufim.
M is for Member. We need one more.
N is Nobody has their flag up.
O is for OMG a healer.
P is for Please invite this healer so we can get exp.
Q is for Quick before someone else grabs him.
R is for Really? Is the leader afk?
S is for Seriously? Is he seriously fucking afk?
T is for The healer just got a party. And the tank left. To party with the healer.
U is for Ughhhh. I fucking hate you, dude.
V is for Violence. I want to use it on you.
W is for What the actual fuck, guys?
X is for Fuck this shit.
Y is for You guys are retarded.
Z is for Fuck the dunes.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Face Off
Happy Friday everyone! Jesus Christ it's hot.
Anyways!
The internet was fun back in the early days.
So many new things to explore! And so many things you wish you hadn't seen!
For those of you born too late, or who just didn't give a shit, there was once this website in the darkest corner of the internet called FFXIPlayers.com, wherein people who played could post pictures of themselves.
Finally! A website where you can put a face to that person you've been creeping on ingame!
Now I know what you're asking.
The answer is once during band camp.
But to answer your other question, yes. Your's truly had his picture posted for the whole server to see.
The other day, I was feeling curious and did a little digging on the Google machine. I found a link to something called Wayback Machine Internet Archive and was able to revisit this wonderful site, however incomplete the archive may be.
It was very difficult to navigate using this engine, but I managed to find the point in time when I posted. The picture, however, seemed to be broken and I was unable to find it anywhere else.
(In case you care, the picture was a carefully crafted collage of me with my various guitars that I thought would get me all the bitches)
Dear God, I was such a faggot.
Just reading how I used to type makes me want to go back in time to when my parents first got together and show my soon-to-be dad this post in the hopes he would remove his testicles with a fork.
You can tell I was a game-tard because I used <.<
No one uses <.<
I may have even used it unironically.
No idea why I put Mwahahaha and then explained these were new picture(s). Was that a joke? What's so fucking funny, me? Was I drunk? Probably, but that's still no excuse.
Also, if anyone wants to make a "shout out" to all their friends, please punch them in the dick. I will probably punch myself in the dick later out of spite.
And look at those views! 101! Lordy loo, I was a fucking player back then. 8 comments! Hold on to your ovaries, ladies. Asrail is packing heat.
I also ended it with "The samurai has spoken" because I was a samurai and I spoke, I guess. That must have sounded bad ass to me back then.
I'll go kill myself now.
Anyways!
The internet was fun back in the early days.
So many new things to explore! And so many things you wish you hadn't seen!
For those of you born too late, or who just didn't give a shit, there was once this website in the darkest corner of the internet called FFXIPlayers.com, wherein people who played could post pictures of themselves.
Finally! A website where you can put a face to that person you've been creeping on ingame!
Now I know what you're asking.
The answer is once during band camp.
But to answer your other question, yes. Your's truly had his picture posted for the whole server to see.
The other day, I was feeling curious and did a little digging on the Google machine. I found a link to something called Wayback Machine Internet Archive and was able to revisit this wonderful site, however incomplete the archive may be.
It was very difficult to navigate using this engine, but I managed to find the point in time when I posted. The picture, however, seemed to be broken and I was unable to find it anywhere else.
(In case you care, the picture was a carefully crafted collage of me with my various guitars that I thought would get me all the bitches)
Dear God, I was such a faggot.
Just reading how I used to type makes me want to go back in time to when my parents first got together and show my soon-to-be dad this post in the hopes he would remove his testicles with a fork.
You can tell I was a game-tard because I used <.<
No one uses <.<
I may have even used it unironically.
No idea why I put Mwahahaha and then explained these were new picture(s). Was that a joke? What's so fucking funny, me? Was I drunk? Probably, but that's still no excuse.
Also, if anyone wants to make a "shout out" to all their friends, please punch them in the dick. I will probably punch myself in the dick later out of spite.
And look at those views! 101! Lordy loo, I was a fucking player back then. 8 comments! Hold on to your ovaries, ladies. Asrail is packing heat.
I also ended it with "The samurai has spoken" because I was a samurai and I spoke, I guess. That must have sounded bad ass to me back then.
I'll go kill myself now.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Heavy Metal
Believe me, guys. I tried crafting in XI.
TRIED.
I wanted to be the best blacksmith in the realm. Working with metals? Fuck yeah.
Maybe I'm retarded, but I just couldn't get the hang of it.
I gathered materials, yes. I gathered crystals, ok. But when it came time to actually craft something, I just had no idea what I was doing.
I looked up the compass. I looked up moon phases. I would face north-by-northwest during a 41% waxing moon. I would sacrifice a chicken to the Allfather. I carefully put all the materials in place and
Son of a fuck.
There goes like, a bajillion Gil.
Nothing made me more pissed than botching a synthesis and losing everything I just collected.
I think the materials themselves were worth more than the item I was trying to make.
Smithing wasn't the only one I tried. I dabbled in all of them, really. I got my cooking skill up to 82 before giving up. Making pastries was brutal, but it stopped being fun when people began undercutting my sushi.
Heartless fuckers.
Seriously, I should make a Friday edition about undercutting. Which I just might do.
Yeah, I'll do that.
TRIED.
I wanted to be the best blacksmith in the realm. Working with metals? Fuck yeah.
Maybe I'm retarded, but I just couldn't get the hang of it.
I gathered materials, yes. I gathered crystals, ok. But when it came time to actually craft something, I just had no idea what I was doing.
I looked up the compass. I looked up moon phases. I would face north-by-northwest during a 41% waxing moon. I would sacrifice a chicken to the Allfather. I carefully put all the materials in place and
Son of a fuck.
There goes like, a bajillion Gil.
Nothing made me more pissed than botching a synthesis and losing everything I just collected.
I think the materials themselves were worth more than the item I was trying to make.
Smithing wasn't the only one I tried. I dabbled in all of them, really. I got my cooking skill up to 82 before giving up. Making pastries was brutal, but it stopped being fun when people began undercutting my sushi.
Heartless fuckers.
Seriously, I should make a Friday edition about undercutting. Which I just might do.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
FFXIV: The Beginning
Say what you want about FFXIV 1.0
Most likely it will be "It fucking sucked."
Well, yeah. It did fucking suck. But that didn't stop me from playing like there was no tomorrow!
I got the collector's edition pre-order, and you know what that meant! Early access, bitches.
I was playing a week before anyone else. I called in sick that whole week. I didn't give a shit. It was awesome kinda.
Yeah, I know. Everyone thought it was going to be another FFXI. A fun-filled nostalgia trip full of partying in new, beautiful areas.
It turned out to be something different. Too different.
One of the things I always felt was wrong with how XIV 1.0 was put together was the developers were trying to make something completely different than anything else. Even if that meant making it harder on the players.
A very big controversy when XIV first came out was the exp fatigue system. It was quickly scrapped because of the backlash, but if you're curious, this system was basically put in place so you couldn't level one job quickly. The longer you stayed gaining exp on one job, over time, you would gain a penalty until you couldn't gain exp on that job any more and were forced to level up something else until the penalty went away.
There were tons of videos explaining why this was a good thing. Until people realized that you're paying a subscription for a fucking game and you should be able to stay on one job if you damn well chose.
If I'm paying $12.99 a month, which is what the original subscription for XIV 1.0 was, don't penalize me for playing whatever I want however long I want.
Sound retarded?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, my friends.
Remember the retainer market area? If you don't, let me explain.
Unlike the XIV we all know and love today, it started off having no market board. Retainers were still used to sell items, however, when you put an item up for sale, your retainer would go into a separate area full of everyone else's retainers and sit there, waiting for someone to come along and select your specific retainer to buy crap.
At release, there was no searching for items that retainers sold. If you wanted something, you had to go into a separate instanced room and search each individual retainer, hoping to find that hat you're looking for.
You think the developers would have listened to the massive amounts of people wanting a market board, but no. They decided to dress up the dead horse and add a "search function." Why quotations? Because this "function" let you search an item, and it would tell you which retainer had the item for what price. You still had to go to the instanced room and find the retainer. But no fear! They later added a tag command so you could put a star next to the retainer's head that had the item you wanted, making them a little bit easier to spot in the crowded room.
Just what we wanted!
Here's a hypothetical situation for ya'll. Let's say you wanted to start leveling Gladiator. What's the first thing you would do?
If you said "Go outside and start killing shit." You are correct. That is what you would do in 1.0
If killing shit got slow, what then? If you said "Look for FATEs in the area," slap yourself. FATEs didn't exist in 1.0
Think of something else.
If you said "Do Guild Leves," good job. That is what you would have to do to gain enough exp to level up.
So now you're level 16, a good solid level. What then?
If you said "Hop on the duty finder and go to your first dungeon," fuck you. There were no dungeons. Dungeons were added almost at the end of 1.0's lifespan.
So? What do you do now?
If you said "More Leves," good job. Unless you make a random ass party full of strangers, Leves were the only way to level up in 1.0 until dungeons were added way later.
What if you managed to create a party? Well, you better learn placement for your attacks.
You might be saying "But I'm not a Dragoon or a Ninja! What do I have to worry about placement for?" Slap yourself. Dragoon and Ninja did not exist in 1.0 And everyone had to worry about placement. Each attack was directional and lowered the opponent's defense slightly depending on where you struck.
This was kind of important because any monster you would need to fight to gain any decent exp could be between 50 and 99. Yes, there were level 99 monsters, with very high defense, which made the defense break of your attack position necessary.
Combat got you all flustered? Why don't you go try crafting for a bit and cool off?
Just grab your materials and-
What's that? A crafting list?
Hahaha. What do you think this is, a good game or something? There's no crafting list in 1.0
You just have to throw stuff together and hope it makes something maybe. Any crafting abilities you happen to have are in a long vertical list, start scrolling. Also, if you do make something, be sure to write it down. It's not like we're getting a crafting log any time soon.
So, you need materials, but you've searched every retainer in your home city and can't find anything. The next logical step would be to travel to another city, correct? Correct.
Get going. You have a long walk. All the maps are connected into one giant clusterfuck that is almost impossible to navigate. There are still aetheryte points, but don't get used to teleporting around. You can only do that so many times a day before you're forced to walk everywhere.
Yeah, right about now, you're probably saying "Fuck this game." But I played it. It was free to play because it was such a broken piece of shit. I played it right up until they wanted to charge monthly for it then I stopped. I picked it back up at 2.0 after Yoshida fixed everything and I've been playing it ever since.
Of course, there are a few good things I could say about 1.0
Few. Very few.
For one, it did have a great sense of adventure. Everything was completely new. Traveling to other areas and acquiring teleport points was fun in itself. And as always, the landscape was beautiful. Everything felt so alive and I couldn't wait to get home from work and keep playing.
The lodestone was another great idea. They don't do this now, but during 1.0, the lodestone itself kept track of your achievements and uploaded them on your profile. Check this shit out.
Hell yeah. Rigorous training and raw determination. More like Leve grinding forever.
This was a fun touch so you could see what you achieved and when. It's something I wish they would bring back.
Not sure why the pumpkin heads. Always with the fucking pumpkin heads.
Most likely it will be "It fucking sucked."
Well, yeah. It did fucking suck. But that didn't stop me from playing like there was no tomorrow!
I got the collector's edition pre-order, and you know what that meant! Early access, bitches.
I was playing a week before anyone else. I called in sick that whole week. I didn't give a shit. It was awesome kinda.
Yeah, I know. Everyone thought it was going to be another FFXI. A fun-filled nostalgia trip full of partying in new, beautiful areas.
It turned out to be something different. Too different.
One of the things I always felt was wrong with how XIV 1.0 was put together was the developers were trying to make something completely different than anything else. Even if that meant making it harder on the players.
A very big controversy when XIV first came out was the exp fatigue system. It was quickly scrapped because of the backlash, but if you're curious, this system was basically put in place so you couldn't level one job quickly. The longer you stayed gaining exp on one job, over time, you would gain a penalty until you couldn't gain exp on that job any more and were forced to level up something else until the penalty went away.
There were tons of videos explaining why this was a good thing. Until people realized that you're paying a subscription for a fucking game and you should be able to stay on one job if you damn well chose.
If I'm paying $12.99 a month, which is what the original subscription for XIV 1.0 was, don't penalize me for playing whatever I want however long I want.
Sound retarded?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, my friends.
Remember the retainer market area? If you don't, let me explain.
Unlike the XIV we all know and love today, it started off having no market board. Retainers were still used to sell items, however, when you put an item up for sale, your retainer would go into a separate area full of everyone else's retainers and sit there, waiting for someone to come along and select your specific retainer to buy crap.
At release, there was no searching for items that retainers sold. If you wanted something, you had to go into a separate instanced room and search each individual retainer, hoping to find that hat you're looking for.
You think the developers would have listened to the massive amounts of people wanting a market board, but no. They decided to dress up the dead horse and add a "search function." Why quotations? Because this "function" let you search an item, and it would tell you which retainer had the item for what price. You still had to go to the instanced room and find the retainer. But no fear! They later added a tag command so you could put a star next to the retainer's head that had the item you wanted, making them a little bit easier to spot in the crowded room.
Just what we wanted!
Here's a hypothetical situation for ya'll. Let's say you wanted to start leveling Gladiator. What's the first thing you would do?
If you said "Go outside and start killing shit." You are correct. That is what you would do in 1.0
If killing shit got slow, what then? If you said "Look for FATEs in the area," slap yourself. FATEs didn't exist in 1.0
Think of something else.
If you said "Do Guild Leves," good job. That is what you would have to do to gain enough exp to level up.
So now you're level 16, a good solid level. What then?
If you said "Hop on the duty finder and go to your first dungeon," fuck you. There were no dungeons. Dungeons were added almost at the end of 1.0's lifespan.
So? What do you do now?
If you said "More Leves," good job. Unless you make a random ass party full of strangers, Leves were the only way to level up in 1.0 until dungeons were added way later.
What if you managed to create a party? Well, you better learn placement for your attacks.
You might be saying "But I'm not a Dragoon or a Ninja! What do I have to worry about placement for?" Slap yourself. Dragoon and Ninja did not exist in 1.0 And everyone had to worry about placement. Each attack was directional and lowered the opponent's defense slightly depending on where you struck.
This was kind of important because any monster you would need to fight to gain any decent exp could be between 50 and 99. Yes, there were level 99 monsters, with very high defense, which made the defense break of your attack position necessary.
Combat got you all flustered? Why don't you go try crafting for a bit and cool off?
Just grab your materials and-
What's that? A crafting list?
Hahaha. What do you think this is, a good game or something? There's no crafting list in 1.0
You just have to throw stuff together and hope it makes something maybe. Any crafting abilities you happen to have are in a long vertical list, start scrolling. Also, if you do make something, be sure to write it down. It's not like we're getting a crafting log any time soon.
So, you need materials, but you've searched every retainer in your home city and can't find anything. The next logical step would be to travel to another city, correct? Correct.
Get going. You have a long walk. All the maps are connected into one giant clusterfuck that is almost impossible to navigate. There are still aetheryte points, but don't get used to teleporting around. You can only do that so many times a day before you're forced to walk everywhere.
Yeah, right about now, you're probably saying "Fuck this game." But I played it. It was free to play because it was such a broken piece of shit. I played it right up until they wanted to charge monthly for it then I stopped. I picked it back up at 2.0 after Yoshida fixed everything and I've been playing it ever since.
Of course, there are a few good things I could say about 1.0
Few. Very few.
For one, it did have a great sense of adventure. Everything was completely new. Traveling to other areas and acquiring teleport points was fun in itself. And as always, the landscape was beautiful. Everything felt so alive and I couldn't wait to get home from work and keep playing.
The lodestone was another great idea. They don't do this now, but during 1.0, the lodestone itself kept track of your achievements and uploaded them on your profile. Check this shit out.
This was a fun touch so you could see what you achieved and when. It's something I wish they would bring back.
Not sure why the pumpkin heads. Always with the fucking pumpkin heads.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Last, and Least
Quick, what's my least favorite place in the game?
If you said "Valkurm Dunes," you're kinda right. Here's half a taco.
The dunes were hell for anyone starting out, and it sucked for that reason. But once you got about level 30 or so, it was a fun place to be. You can go watch everyone die and not get bothered by tunnel bat aggro.
So, yeah, I hate the dunes, but it's not my least favorite place. It was a trick question because I never mentioned this area before. And for good reason: It's fucking horrible.
The place I'm speaking of?
Valley of Sorrows.
With a name that metal, I thought it would be awesome. Maybe something fun to murder or a hat to obtain. But noooo.
Now, Cape Teriggan sucks too, don't get me wrong. Both of these areas look like this:
It's like they took the dunes and wrapped it in perpetual sadness. The dunes at level 10, basically.
But at least Teriggan had stuff to kill. There were bunnies, and goblins, and crabs, and manticores, and shit-stained pants around the manticores. It was an interesting place. Shitty, but interesting.
However, Valley of Sorrows takes this and removes everything interesting about it. From what I remember, there are about 4 raptors and a big bird you can murder. Also an adamantoise NM sometimes, but that's it.
And the area is small. Super fucking tiny.
That's it. I can pee from one end to the other.
What purpose does this place serve? Aside from the San d'Oria mission, there's nothing else to do here that I recall. No beaches, nowhere to hang out that won't make you die inside.
This place lives up to its name. I am overcome with sorrow just from thinking about it. It's what I assume Azkaban prison is like.
I don't even think the monsters actually want to be in this area. They just kinda have to because they can't find the way out.
And people actually had the audacity to want to party here.
If you said "Valkurm Dunes," you're kinda right. Here's half a taco.
The dunes were hell for anyone starting out, and it sucked for that reason. But once you got about level 30 or so, it was a fun place to be. You can go watch everyone die and not get bothered by tunnel bat aggro.
So, yeah, I hate the dunes, but it's not my least favorite place. It was a trick question because I never mentioned this area before. And for good reason: It's fucking horrible.
The place I'm speaking of?
Valley of Sorrows.
With a name that metal, I thought it would be awesome. Maybe something fun to murder or a hat to obtain. But noooo.
Now, Cape Teriggan sucks too, don't get me wrong. Both of these areas look like this:
It's like they took the dunes and wrapped it in perpetual sadness. The dunes at level 10, basically.
But at least Teriggan had stuff to kill. There were bunnies, and goblins, and crabs, and manticores, and shit-stained pants around the manticores. It was an interesting place. Shitty, but interesting.
However, Valley of Sorrows takes this and removes everything interesting about it. From what I remember, there are about 4 raptors and a big bird you can murder. Also an adamantoise NM sometimes, but that's it.
And the area is small. Super fucking tiny.
That's it. I can pee from one end to the other.
What purpose does this place serve? Aside from the San d'Oria mission, there's nothing else to do here that I recall. No beaches, nowhere to hang out that won't make you die inside.
This place lives up to its name. I am overcome with sorrow just from thinking about it. It's what I assume Azkaban prison is like.
I don't even think the monsters actually want to be in this area. They just kinda have to because they can't find the way out.
And people actually had the audacity to want to party here.
Monday, July 4, 2016
Pride of a Nation
Happy Fourth of July, everyone. If you don't live in the USA, celebrate it anyways. It is a day for remembrance. A day of independence. Pop some fireworks and drink some beers (you know I will).
As we reflect on the history of a fledgling nation who declared its independence. 'Merica.
If you don't live in 'Merica, shame on you.
How could you not want to live in a nation with a gigantic national debt and expensive healthcare?
But also freedom or something. And Walmarts. Lots of Walmarts.
I realize not everyone can pick where they live like in FFXI.
So, I would like to take this time to remember a great man. One who also fought for independence, not just for his own fledgling nation as well, but of all nations, against the tyranny of an evil overlord who sought to take their freedoms by force.
I am of course speaking of Volker, the Champion of Bastok.
As we reflect on the history of a fledgling nation who declared its independence. 'Merica.
If you don't live in 'Merica, shame on you.
How could you not want to live in a nation with a gigantic national debt and expensive healthcare?
But also freedom or something. And Walmarts. Lots of Walmarts.
I realize not everyone can pick where they live like in FFXI.
So, I would like to take this time to remember a great man. One who also fought for independence, not just for his own fledgling nation as well, but of all nations, against the tyranny of an evil overlord who sought to take their freedoms by force.
I am of course speaking of Volker, the Champion of Bastok.
It was with his mighty blade that the Shadow Lord was vanquished in the year 864 C.E. during the Battle of Xarcabard.
The Shadow Lord came back years later, but that's beside the point.
This man, this glorious human being from the greatest nation in Vana'diel risked his own life to save a continent under siege. He didn't do it for glory. Or money. Or anything I would do it for.
He did it out of selflessness. The world was in trouble, and he stood up and did something.
His actions put an end to the Crystal War and saved everyone from enslavement. If anything, take this day to remember this great man.
Also, drink beer.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Weekend Update
Hey, guys. Just a little update.
I have two PS2 HDDs with a bunch of screenshots on them from between 2003 and 2012. Trying to figure out a way to transfer them to PC. It's very difficult to find a way, with the PS2 servers being shut down and all. But I will figure something out. So, just a word of warning, there will be a huge screenshot dump when I get this going.
Thanks for sticking around. Have a great weekend.
I have two PS2 HDDs with a bunch of screenshots on them from between 2003 and 2012. Trying to figure out a way to transfer them to PC. It's very difficult to find a way, with the PS2 servers being shut down and all. But I will figure something out. So, just a word of warning, there will be a huge screenshot dump when I get this going.
Thanks for sticking around. Have a great weekend.
Friday, July 1, 2016
The List
Finally Friday, amirite? Time to kick back, grab your favorite beer/learn to drink beer, and enjoy the weekend.
I haven't forgot about your Friday Insider Edition!
Hey, guys! Do ya'll remember Basmarck Bitchlist?
You DO?
Well, end of fucking post then.
Oh, you're still here? I guess I'll entertain you for now.
For those of you from different servers, or those who just plain don't know, BismarckBitchlist.com was the original Encyclopedia Dramatica.
It was a wonderful place where people from the Bismarck server could come together and share their mutual hate of anything and everything and everyone and everything.
The site was run by players Killuminati, Hoodlum and Rustymetal, three of the biggest known cheaters on the server, and consisted of childish bitching about anything Bismarck-related with the sole intention of stirring up drama.
Classy.
The website was eventually shut down because these swell fellas decided to post GM addresses and personal information, telling people to find them and kill them.
I had the... Privilege, I guess?... Of checking out BBL before it was taken down, and let me tell you...
It was fucking retarded.
There was a thread of player pictures pulled from another website, FFXIplayers.com, with childish comments about them.
A friend of mine, Moonpie, had her picture compared to a screenshot of Gollum from Lord of the Rings by people that probably hadn't even met her ingame.
There was even a thread where people just simply came in and posted "Hey, this person is a bitch. Make the game harder for them." And people would fucking do it without question because retardation runs rampant on Bismarck.
Really, really stupid shit.
We were known as the drama server because of these guys.
Several message boards also consisted of hacks and glitches for XI which are of course, illegal ingame and would result in you getting banned.
And guess what happened to the creator's characters?
Go on, take a wild guess.
If you guessed "they were banned for cheating", nice detective work, Robert Langdon.
From what I heard, they still play XIV and are "not cheating anymore".
We'll see how long that lasts.
I haven't forgot about your Friday Insider Edition!
Hey, guys! Do ya'll remember Basmarck Bitchlist?
You DO?
Well, end of fucking post then.
Oh, you're still here? I guess I'll entertain you for now.
For those of you from different servers, or those who just plain don't know, BismarckBitchlist.com was the original Encyclopedia Dramatica.
It was a wonderful place where people from the Bismarck server could come together and share their mutual hate of anything and everything and everyone and everything.
The site was run by players Killuminati, Hoodlum and Rustymetal, three of the biggest known cheaters on the server, and consisted of childish bitching about anything Bismarck-related with the sole intention of stirring up drama.
Classy.
The website was eventually shut down because these swell fellas decided to post GM addresses and personal information, telling people to find them and kill them.
I had the... Privilege, I guess?... Of checking out BBL before it was taken down, and let me tell you...
It was fucking retarded.
There was a thread of player pictures pulled from another website, FFXIplayers.com, with childish comments about them.
A friend of mine, Moonpie, had her picture compared to a screenshot of Gollum from Lord of the Rings by people that probably hadn't even met her ingame.
There was even a thread where people just simply came in and posted "Hey, this person is a bitch. Make the game harder for them." And people would fucking do it without question because retardation runs rampant on Bismarck.
Really, really stupid shit.
We were known as the drama server because of these guys.
Several message boards also consisted of hacks and glitches for XI which are of course, illegal ingame and would result in you getting banned.
And guess what happened to the creator's characters?
Go on, take a wild guess.
If you guessed "they were banned for cheating", nice detective work, Robert Langdon.
From what I heard, they still play XIV and are "not cheating anymore".
We'll see how long that lasts.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Expanding
I stated before. I did not grow up playing MMOs. The closest thing I had was PSO for Dreamcast, and that barely counted.
As someone new to the whole MMORPG thing, I was pleasantly surprised when they started releasing expansions for FFXI.
Sure, Rise of the Zilart was the first expansion, but the western release came with it already, so I never got to experience a world-changing event such as adding an entire new area full of shit to murder.
But about a year into the game, then things started to change. Something was coming. Something big.
It started with broken teleport points. I remember it well, because people were freaking out. I might have had something to do with that.
Then, all of a sudden, like a gift from above, Chains of Promathia was released.
New areas? New missions? New everything? What sort of sorcery is this?
I must have read through the booklet a million times, carefully absorbing the descriptions of areas I could go, and monsters I could murder. I memorized each picture, everything about them drawing me in, beckoning me to come find them. To be deep inside them. Mmmmm yes, my love. Soon. Soon.
Then quickly found out that 75% of the content were mission locked.
Fuck.
I actually have to mission to murder.
But that came later. Initially, exploration of the new areas was required.
My friend Alana and I were the first in server to visit Movalpolos. I know this because when we zoned in on day one, there was no one else in the zone. And we did it by accident, mind you.
We were checking shit out in Gusgen mines when all of a sudden we turned a corner, and the screen went black. I thought my PS2 had froze, so I started for the power button, but then it happened.
My screen came back on and I was somewhere... New. Somewhere, scary.
Everything was easy prey, even for my level 70 samurai. Shit was about to get interesting.
We killed a few moblins, learning their attack strategies. Crazy guys with their fireworks and frying pans.
We went in deeper, killing bugbear and moblins with red masks. Then we hit a level wall, where everything started turning tough and very tough, so we headed back to check other sites.
Bibiki Bay was the second area we went to. The efts were crazy looking. Little fish dogs with all the teeth ever. We rode the manaclipper to Purgonorgo Island, learning quickly not to mess with uragnites without some way to get rid of poison.
The last area we visited together was Attowah Chasm. And let me tell you. This place was the coolest fucking thing I ever saw.
If you've never been there, it's a huge desert area with a mountain in the center that you have to follow a very specific path to climb. I memorized how to climb it. Even before I found out it was required for a quest, I memorized the way to the top. Pretty sure if I could log in right now, I would be able to get up there.
I'm always good at getting up.
We also met the antlions. My favorite fucking creature in the game. I love those big scary looking things. I was thrilled when they added them as a jug pet for beastmaster. Controlling a hulking nightmare machine has always been on my bucket list.
Eventually I did have to get a party together and do promyvion, but at that point, people realized you needed a very, very specific lineup to make it work. So I fucking farmed the shit out of Delkfutt's tower to afford gear for my ranger. I went in there, arrows flying, and got my ass handed to me several times. I eventually became a master at navigating the area.
When I finally did unlock Lufaise Meadows and Tavnazian Safehold, it was... A bit disappointing.
Lufaise Meadows was well put together and beautiful, but theh Safehold felt so empty and sad. I realize everyone there is a refugee from a war-torn nation, but jeeze, put a picture of a silly cat on the wall, guys.
Not to mention the fact that you had to unlock everything in the city. Shops, auction house, more quests.
You had to do quests to be able to do quests.
Alana and I fucked around in Lufaise for a while, but there wasn't any pressing need or want to unlock anything else. Sea was the next thing, but I actually did that years later after the cap was lifted on the missions, and I feel like I didn't miss anything.
Yeah, I heard about Absolute Virtue and the Pandemonium Warden 18 hour fight. But I really didn't care. I was content with what the expansion had given me.
Content with the content. Spelled the same, said differently in context. Engrish language.
As someone new to the whole MMORPG thing, I was pleasantly surprised when they started releasing expansions for FFXI.
Sure, Rise of the Zilart was the first expansion, but the western release came with it already, so I never got to experience a world-changing event such as adding an entire new area full of shit to murder.
But about a year into the game, then things started to change. Something was coming. Something big.
It started with broken teleport points. I remember it well, because people were freaking out. I might have had something to do with that.
Then, all of a sudden, like a gift from above, Chains of Promathia was released.
New areas? New missions? New everything? What sort of sorcery is this?
I must have read through the booklet a million times, carefully absorbing the descriptions of areas I could go, and monsters I could murder. I memorized each picture, everything about them drawing me in, beckoning me to come find them. To be deep inside them. Mmmmm yes, my love. Soon. Soon.
Then quickly found out that 75% of the content were mission locked.
Fuck.
I actually have to mission to murder.
But that came later. Initially, exploration of the new areas was required.
My friend Alana and I were the first in server to visit Movalpolos. I know this because when we zoned in on day one, there was no one else in the zone. And we did it by accident, mind you.
We were checking shit out in Gusgen mines when all of a sudden we turned a corner, and the screen went black. I thought my PS2 had froze, so I started for the power button, but then it happened.
My screen came back on and I was somewhere... New. Somewhere, scary.
Everything was easy prey, even for my level 70 samurai. Shit was about to get interesting.
We killed a few moblins, learning their attack strategies. Crazy guys with their fireworks and frying pans.
We went in deeper, killing bugbear and moblins with red masks. Then we hit a level wall, where everything started turning tough and very tough, so we headed back to check other sites.
Bibiki Bay was the second area we went to. The efts were crazy looking. Little fish dogs with all the teeth ever. We rode the manaclipper to Purgonorgo Island, learning quickly not to mess with uragnites without some way to get rid of poison.
The last area we visited together was Attowah Chasm. And let me tell you. This place was the coolest fucking thing I ever saw.
If you've never been there, it's a huge desert area with a mountain in the center that you have to follow a very specific path to climb. I memorized how to climb it. Even before I found out it was required for a quest, I memorized the way to the top. Pretty sure if I could log in right now, I would be able to get up there.
I'm always good at getting up.
We also met the antlions. My favorite fucking creature in the game. I love those big scary looking things. I was thrilled when they added them as a jug pet for beastmaster. Controlling a hulking nightmare machine has always been on my bucket list.
Eventually I did have to get a party together and do promyvion, but at that point, people realized you needed a very, very specific lineup to make it work. So I fucking farmed the shit out of Delkfutt's tower to afford gear for my ranger. I went in there, arrows flying, and got my ass handed to me several times. I eventually became a master at navigating the area.
When I finally did unlock Lufaise Meadows and Tavnazian Safehold, it was... A bit disappointing.
Lufaise Meadows was well put together and beautiful, but theh Safehold felt so empty and sad. I realize everyone there is a refugee from a war-torn nation, but jeeze, put a picture of a silly cat on the wall, guys.
Not to mention the fact that you had to unlock everything in the city. Shops, auction house, more quests.
You had to do quests to be able to do quests.
Alana and I fucked around in Lufaise for a while, but there wasn't any pressing need or want to unlock anything else. Sea was the next thing, but I actually did that years later after the cap was lifted on the missions, and I feel like I didn't miss anything.
Yeah, I heard about Absolute Virtue and the Pandemonium Warden 18 hour fight. But I really didn't care. I was content with what the expansion had given me.
Content with the content. Spelled the same, said differently in context. Engrish language.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Events
Fucking.
Events.
My number one super special awesome favorite thing about XI was the events they put on.
Halloween. Summerfest. Christmas. Crazy Japanese Holiday #239. I participated in every single one and got all I could out of it. It was a big relief to do something other than murder shit all day, no matter how fun said shit was to murder.
Having fun was always... Well, fun.
My favorite holiday out of all of them was the Sun Breeze Festival, aka Summerfest. Why? Because you got a bitchin' yukata to wear while the fireworks were going off all over the place.
I also ended up getting a warp staff, which I have to this day. Comes in handy when you need to... Warp.
I remember buying a bunch of cookies and bubble chocolate from an NPC and handing them out to anyone who happened to walk by. It was a great time, and something I cherish.
Events.
My number one super special awesome favorite thing about XI was the events they put on.
Halloween. Summerfest. Christmas. Crazy Japanese Holiday #239. I participated in every single one and got all I could out of it. It was a big relief to do something other than murder shit all day, no matter how fun said shit was to murder.
Having fun was always... Well, fun.
My favorite holiday out of all of them was the Sun Breeze Festival, aka Summerfest. Why? Because you got a bitchin' yukata to wear while the fireworks were going off all over the place.
Bitchin'.
My first experience with Summerfest was back in 2004. I logged on, not realizing an event was taking place, and saw an enormous crowd of people in the Bastok Markets area all wearing the blue event yukata. I was so confused, I started asking around, trying to figure out what was going on. Someone finally told me about the event and I jumped right in.
I remember having to do a certain quest that involved getting teleported to a high level area, and temporarily becoming level 1 with sneak/invisible on and having to search around for a specific item.
It was the coolest thing ever.
At the time, I didn't realize I was being teleported to an actual place in the game I could visit later. I thought they were areas designed for the event, so I was surprised when I saw non level 1 guys running around killing stuff. Also getting murdered by Guivre a lot. That was fun.
Then you went down near the hot springs outside of Dangruf Wadi and started goldfishing. It was tedium to the max, but fun nonetheless.
I still have my original yukata from 2004.
Halloween was another event I loved. I joined a bit late to catch the first one, and was told by everyone who attended it was awesome and GMs dressed like demons. But I did catch the next one, and it was a blast. Dude's roaming Bastok, collecting sweets and turning everyone into nightmare fuel.
I remember buying a bunch of cookies and bubble chocolate from an NPC and handing them out to anyone who happened to walk by. It was a great time, and something I cherish.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Shopping
Probably my favorite thing about XI had to be the Auction House.
Fortunes could be won or lost. Lives could be torn apart by a single accidental bid. Whole Tarus could be lost in the myriad of items available for anonymous purchase.
It was unlike anything I've seen in any other game I've played before or since.
The way it works is when you sell an item, you put up a price you want to get. The purchaser would then enter an amount they wish to spend. Let's say you put up a crystal for 2,000g. If someone bids 2,000g, they would buy your crystal. However, if they bid say, 2,500g, they would buy your crystal for more than you originally listed. If there were multiple of the same items up for sale, the ones with the lowest list price would be bought first. So, if you put up the crystal for 2,000g, someone put up a crystal for 2,001g, and someone bid 2,500g, yours would be sold first for 2,500g.
Are you following me so far?
The only way to know the value of an item was to check the price history and see what the last 10 or so were sold for. The prices of current sales weren't up like they are in FFXIV, so you would blindly bid, trying to get the lowest price for what you wanted. Naturally, there were people who would put up items for 1g in the hopes of them selling quick, but that also comes with the risk of people bidding extremely low.
It was just complex enough to be amazing.
In the beginning, there were Auction Houses for each of the nations, Bastok, Windurst, San d'Oria *coughfaggotscough*, Jeuno, and to a lesser extent, Kazham, Norg, and Rabao, which no one ever went to unless they were desperate or retarded. Each had separate listings for items. For example, some items were expensive in Bastok, but cheaper in Windurst where they might be readily available. This made it extremely tedious to price match to try and save money.
It wasn't until the later years of XI that they decided to combine all the Auction Houses so there would be no more running around.
Fuckin' pansies.
Because of this, a lot of really old price history sales were lost.
However, right before the Auction House merge, I decided to snag a few little screenshots of items friends of mine and I had listed in the very early years before they were gone forever.
Take a peek into history:
Fortunes could be won or lost. Lives could be torn apart by a single accidental bid. Whole Tarus could be lost in the myriad of items available for anonymous purchase.
It was unlike anything I've seen in any other game I've played before or since.
The way it works is when you sell an item, you put up a price you want to get. The purchaser would then enter an amount they wish to spend. Let's say you put up a crystal for 2,000g. If someone bids 2,000g, they would buy your crystal. However, if they bid say, 2,500g, they would buy your crystal for more than you originally listed. If there were multiple of the same items up for sale, the ones with the lowest list price would be bought first. So, if you put up the crystal for 2,000g, someone put up a crystal for 2,001g, and someone bid 2,500g, yours would be sold first for 2,500g.
Are you following me so far?
The only way to know the value of an item was to check the price history and see what the last 10 or so were sold for. The prices of current sales weren't up like they are in FFXIV, so you would blindly bid, trying to get the lowest price for what you wanted. Naturally, there were people who would put up items for 1g in the hopes of them selling quick, but that also comes with the risk of people bidding extremely low.
It was just complex enough to be amazing.
In the beginning, there were Auction Houses for each of the nations, Bastok, Windurst, San d'Oria *coughfaggotscough*, Jeuno, and to a lesser extent, Kazham, Norg, and Rabao, which no one ever went to unless they were desperate or retarded. Each had separate listings for items. For example, some items were expensive in Bastok, but cheaper in Windurst where they might be readily available. This made it extremely tedious to price match to try and save money.
It wasn't until the later years of XI that they decided to combine all the Auction Houses so there would be no more running around.
Fuckin' pansies.
Because of this, a lot of really old price history sales were lost.
However, right before the Auction House merge, I decided to snag a few little screenshots of items friends of mine and I had listed in the very early years before they were gone forever.
Take a peek into history:
Oh my! It seems I sold that item to myself for 69g! What a rapscallion I was back then. I'm not sure how my friend Darios and I got these pants, because this was back when they first released the set, so everything was mega expensive and hard to find. But we did it somehow.
There's the boots that Darios sold to himself for 1g.
Another Darios post. I guess 777 is more evil than Satan?
I remember having to promise Cayerik I would give him his money back after he bought this. Look at that date. November 22, 2004. Jeezy Creezy.
And once again, Darios snuck in the listing. Cheeky samurai.
There was also another listing I was very proud of that I was unable to get a screenshot before the merge. On my first trip to Kazham, I purchased Royal Knights Mufflers for my soon-to-be samurai for 10,000g that I borrowed from my good friend Alana. I remained the only person to ever buy them on the Kazham auction house until the merge took place, with a sell date earlier than the one pictured above.
Time flies, man. Time flies.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Guys
I have a confession to make.
Hildibrand Manderville is my fucking spirit animal.
I would go gay for this man.
And he's probably two steps ahead of me.
I'm a Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Doing what only a Manderville can.
From the peaks of Coerthas to Thanalan.
Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Hildibrand Manderville is my fucking spirit animal.
I would go gay for this man.
And he's probably two steps ahead of me.
I'm a Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Doing what only a Manderville can.
From the peaks of Coerthas to Thanalan.
Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
The Linkshell
You might recall I made a Linkshell early on.
You might also recall that we were pretty big. Second highest member numbers at one point.
Of course, people would come and people would go. Some retarded, some not. Like a revolving door of stupidity.
But there was always a core group of members that were there from the beginning. Even though we never really accomplished anything grandiose, they were always there to lend a hand and share some laughs. I've mentioned some of these names in previous posts. But any name in these screenshots that hasn't been mentioned so far, you were not forgotten, just saving the best for last.
I give you the founders, circa 2004. What a beautiful bunch of individuals. From left to right, Bason/Lyserg, Darios, Gefgarion, Xenoa, Kovasteel, Ase.
There I am on the right shooting something. What a character I was.
Who's that sexy samurai? Darios. It's Darios.
Spoooooopy!
And what Linkshell would be complete without the obligatory suicide in Bastok?
The years were full of good times, bad times, sad times, and wonderful memories. I thank each and every one of you for being there. If you are or know someone in any of these screenshots, drop me a line. It would be great to hear from you again.
On a personal note: I wonder if Ken and Marin ever got their shit worked out. It took me forever to guide that asshole through Dangruf Wadi.
You might also recall that we were pretty big. Second highest member numbers at one point.
Of course, people would come and people would go. Some retarded, some not. Like a revolving door of stupidity.
But there was always a core group of members that were there from the beginning. Even though we never really accomplished anything grandiose, they were always there to lend a hand and share some laughs. I've mentioned some of these names in previous posts. But any name in these screenshots that hasn't been mentioned so far, you were not forgotten, just saving the best for last.
I give you the founders, circa 2004. What a beautiful bunch of individuals. From left to right, Bason/Lyserg, Darios, Gefgarion, Xenoa, Kovasteel, Ase.
There I am on the right shooting something. What a character I was.
Cebera and Treliant, two other originals.
Kazham... Everyone lfg at Kazham...
Everyone was always willing to lend a hand if someone needed any help. Also pumpkin heads. Always pumpkin heads.
And what Linkshell would be complete without the obligatory suicide in Bastok?
The years were full of good times, bad times, sad times, and wonderful memories. I thank each and every one of you for being there. If you are or know someone in any of these screenshots, drop me a line. It would be great to hear from you again.
On a personal note: I wonder if Ken and Marin ever got their shit worked out. It took me forever to guide that asshole through Dangruf Wadi.
Friday, June 24, 2016
Mine, All Mine
Happy Friday, everyone. Hope your week was well. I actually don't care.
Here's Friday's Insider Edition!
*ahem*
Mining in FFXI was fucking retarded.
For those of you who have never done it, or forgot/repressed the memory, here's a recap:
You run around an area looking for a mining point, then use a pickaxe on the mining point and maybe get an item and/or break your pick.
How hard do you have to be swinging in order to break a pick? And it wasn't just every now and then. It happened all the fucking time. It was inevitable. Couldn't eat it.
The only way to lessen the chance of breaking a pick was to buy clothes.
Yes, there were magic clothes that would make your picks a little stronger to withstand the blows from your massive biceps.
I forgot to mention that there were only a few mining points per area, and they were shared with everyone. So if you were about to reach a point and someone got there before you, tough shit man, go find another point.
And mining bots were fuckin' EVERYWHERE because you could make decent money even off of the lowest level mining points.
And guess who mined all the time.
Just take a wild guess.
If you guessed me, here's a taco, because fuck you.
I mined a lot. I was so deep inside Zeruhn Mines, I'm surprised it didn't get pregnant. I had a HQ version of the clothes that I bought with money from MINING ALL THE TIME.
I tried other mining areas; Gusgen Mines, Palborough Mines, even crazy high level areas like Ifrit's Cauldron where you can get some pretty expensive ore. But Zeruhn was perfect in it's simplicity.
The rarest ore you could find was Darksteel, which sold for around 6k a piece, but the fact that it was right INSIDE Bastok made it the best of the bunch.
You could easily go in with a couple stacks of picks and walk out with 50k without ever leaving the comfort of the best city in the game.
How does mining in XI compare to XIV?
You are retarded.
XIV's Miner class blows XI out of the water, even if it is easier when you can select which ores you're going to mine. If there had been an actual mining class in XI, it would have been awesome, but the fact remains that XI's gathering system seemed rushed.
The developers probably sat around a table made of baby skulls and were like,
"Ok, this game is awesome, but it's missing something..."
"Oh, sir, how about easily breakable items you use on a point that sometimes gives items maybe?"
"Perfect."
Then they rub their hands together and bathe in money.
That's how I would do it.
Here's Friday's Insider Edition!
*ahem*
Mining in FFXI was fucking retarded.
For those of you who have never done it, or forgot/repressed the memory, here's a recap:
You run around an area looking for a mining point, then use a pickaxe on the mining point and maybe get an item and/or break your pick.
How hard do you have to be swinging in order to break a pick? And it wasn't just every now and then. It happened all the fucking time. It was inevitable. Couldn't eat it.
The only way to lessen the chance of breaking a pick was to buy clothes.
Yes, there were magic clothes that would make your picks a little stronger to withstand the blows from your massive biceps.
I forgot to mention that there were only a few mining points per area, and they were shared with everyone. So if you were about to reach a point and someone got there before you, tough shit man, go find another point.
And mining bots were fuckin' EVERYWHERE because you could make decent money even off of the lowest level mining points.
And guess who mined all the time.
Just take a wild guess.
If you guessed me, here's a taco, because fuck you.
I mined a lot. I was so deep inside Zeruhn Mines, I'm surprised it didn't get pregnant. I had a HQ version of the clothes that I bought with money from MINING ALL THE TIME.
I tried other mining areas; Gusgen Mines, Palborough Mines, even crazy high level areas like Ifrit's Cauldron where you can get some pretty expensive ore. But Zeruhn was perfect in it's simplicity.
The rarest ore you could find was Darksteel, which sold for around 6k a piece, but the fact that it was right INSIDE Bastok made it the best of the bunch.
You could easily go in with a couple stacks of picks and walk out with 50k without ever leaving the comfort of the best city in the game.
How does mining in XI compare to XIV?
You are retarded.
XIV's Miner class blows XI out of the water, even if it is easier when you can select which ores you're going to mine. If there had been an actual mining class in XI, it would have been awesome, but the fact remains that XI's gathering system seemed rushed.
The developers probably sat around a table made of baby skulls and were like,
"Ok, this game is awesome, but it's missing something..."
"Oh, sir, how about easily breakable items you use on a point that sometimes gives items maybe?"
"Perfect."
Then they rub their hands together and bathe in money.
That's how I would do it.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
My Special Place
Everyone has a favorite area in the game.
Some are for stupid reasons like gathering points, or some kind of treasure chest. With something ultra rare in it. Like a hat.
Losers.
I have two favorite locations for different reasons.
First, Dangruf Wadi. You know, that swamp area next to South Gustaberg that you probably only went to once or probably never.
Why is it my favorite area, you might ask?
Yes, I know the area looks like someone wiped their greasy hands on a napkin and then peed on it.
It's my first favorite because when I was leveling up, I got lost in there and accidentally stumbled across the strange apparatus area behind the fake wall. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
The strange apparatus was a complete mystery to me. And not a lot of people knew about them when I brought it up in conversation. The one in Crawler's Nest was a well-known camping area, but the one in Dangruf Wadi remained a mystery to a lot of people.
It was also a place I would take girls to impress them.
So yeah, "bitches" is another reason for me liking the area.
There's also the fact that one of my favorite NMs, Geyser Lizard, lived among the water geysers in the northern part of the map. Darios and I murdered his shit a lot and got the armor several times.
My second favorite area was Carpenter's Landing. Not many people knew you could get there from inside San d'Oria, but I wanted out bad enough and actually carved a path to escape.
Did I mention I hated San d'Oria?
So, why do I like Carpenter's Landing?
For one, it reminded me of where I was born. The whole swamp aesthetic was very reminiscent of Louisiana. Minus the hurricanes and brain-eating amoeba.
For another, the whole place was fucking cool.
It had hidden areas, little spots that served no purpose other than look cool, and a big ass river you could ride a barge down.
I took the barge whenever I could, even if the wait time was several hours. Fuck it. I ride shit.
I even got a chance to fight a NM orc that spawns on the barge. I've seen a lot of people say it's a rare spawn, so I guess I really am lucky *teehee*.
Like Dangruf Wadi, no one ever really went to Carpenter's Landing with the exception of story quests, so I was alone to my own devices most of the time. Murderin' flytraps and such.
There was also this creepy owl that would stare at you no matter which way you faced.
His piercing gaze haunted my nightmares for years. Always watching. Always waiting. Always... Hooting.
So, in retrospect, it seems I enjoy areas where I can be left alone. That sounds about right.
However, are any of us really alone?
Not any more.
Some are for stupid reasons like gathering points, or some kind of treasure chest. With something ultra rare in it. Like a hat.
Losers.
I have two favorite locations for different reasons.
First, Dangruf Wadi. You know, that swamp area next to South Gustaberg that you probably only went to once or probably never.
Why is it my favorite area, you might ask?
Yes, I know the area looks like someone wiped their greasy hands on a napkin and then peed on it.
It's my first favorite because when I was leveling up, I got lost in there and accidentally stumbled across the strange apparatus area behind the fake wall. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
The strange apparatus was a complete mystery to me. And not a lot of people knew about them when I brought it up in conversation. The one in Crawler's Nest was a well-known camping area, but the one in Dangruf Wadi remained a mystery to a lot of people.
It was also a place I would take girls to impress them.
So yeah, "bitches" is another reason for me liking the area.
There's also the fact that one of my favorite NMs, Geyser Lizard, lived among the water geysers in the northern part of the map. Darios and I murdered his shit a lot and got the armor several times.
My second favorite area was Carpenter's Landing. Not many people knew you could get there from inside San d'Oria, but I wanted out bad enough and actually carved a path to escape.
Did I mention I hated San d'Oria?
So, why do I like Carpenter's Landing?
For one, it reminded me of where I was born. The whole swamp aesthetic was very reminiscent of Louisiana. Minus the hurricanes and brain-eating amoeba.
For another, the whole place was fucking cool.
It had hidden areas, little spots that served no purpose other than look cool, and a big ass river you could ride a barge down.
I took the barge whenever I could, even if the wait time was several hours. Fuck it. I ride shit.
I even got a chance to fight a NM orc that spawns on the barge. I've seen a lot of people say it's a rare spawn, so I guess I really am lucky *teehee*.
Like Dangruf Wadi, no one ever really went to Carpenter's Landing with the exception of story quests, so I was alone to my own devices most of the time. Murderin' flytraps and such.
There was also this creepy owl that would stare at you no matter which way you faced.
His piercing gaze haunted my nightmares for years. Always watching. Always waiting. Always... Hooting.
So, in retrospect, it seems I enjoy areas where I can be left alone. That sounds about right.
However, are any of us really alone?
Not any more.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Camping Out
Sure, I camped Notorious Monsters.
Very, very few of them.
I camped Mee Deggi for O.Kote when I was broke.
I camped Stropers for Archer's Rings when I was broke.
I camped Argus for the Peacock Charm when I was broke.
Are you starting to see a pattern? If so, welcome to poverty.
I only camped NMs out of desperation. When I was badly in need of money. And I never got any drops.
Does that mean I only killed a handful of Notorious Monsters during my gameplay?
Fuck no. It just means I'm a lucky son of a fuck.
I'm 4/12 on Leaping Lizzy.
1/1 on Valkurm Emperor.
2/5 on Jaggedy-Eared Jack
2/9 Tom Tit Tat
1/1 Shikigami Weapon
Also Panzer Percival, but I just murdered him so he didn't feel left out.
None of these NMs I ever camped. I had always been running through the area and spotted them unclaimed.
True, there were some NMs I camped for rare/ex pieces like Cargo Crab Colin or Aquarius. It always seemed like crabs had the stuff I wanted. But even then, it was a high drop-to-kill ratio.
I stopped camping once I started up beastmaster, and I never regret it.
NM camping was always so... Boring. Especially when other people were always there, such as Spook. Or that other Yagudo that isn't Mee Deggi.
However, there was one NM that has eluded me to this very day. What is it, you might ask? Some HNM? Some NM with a mega complicated pop requirement? Is it Bigmouth Billy?
No. It was fucking Stinging Sophie. The bee in North Gustaberg.
Stop laughing.
Seriously. Stop.
I camped that bitch several times. Aside from Leaping Lizzy, she was one of the first NMs I ever heard about in the game, and I was determined to murder her. But I never even saw her pop. Not once.
This wasn't about the sweet dagger she dropped. This was about something more than that. Something on a deeper, cosmic level we both shared in another lifetime, bound by fate, nay, bound by super-destiny. So near, and yet so far. Just... Barely out of reach...
Also, I wanted the dagger for when I decided to level thief.
Very, very few of them.
I camped Mee Deggi for O.Kote when I was broke.
I camped Stropers for Archer's Rings when I was broke.
I camped Argus for the Peacock Charm when I was broke.
Are you starting to see a pattern? If so, welcome to poverty.
I only camped NMs out of desperation. When I was badly in need of money. And I never got any drops.
Does that mean I only killed a handful of Notorious Monsters during my gameplay?
Fuck no. It just means I'm a lucky son of a fuck.
I'm 4/12 on Leaping Lizzy.
1/1 on Valkurm Emperor.
2/5 on Jaggedy-Eared Jack
2/9 Tom Tit Tat
1/1 Shikigami Weapon
Also Panzer Percival, but I just murdered him so he didn't feel left out.
None of these NMs I ever camped. I had always been running through the area and spotted them unclaimed.
True, there were some NMs I camped for rare/ex pieces like Cargo Crab Colin or Aquarius. It always seemed like crabs had the stuff I wanted. But even then, it was a high drop-to-kill ratio.
I stopped camping once I started up beastmaster, and I never regret it.
NM camping was always so... Boring. Especially when other people were always there, such as Spook. Or that other Yagudo that isn't Mee Deggi.
However, there was one NM that has eluded me to this very day. What is it, you might ask? Some HNM? Some NM with a mega complicated pop requirement? Is it Bigmouth Billy?
No. It was fucking Stinging Sophie. The bee in North Gustaberg.
Stop laughing.
Seriously. Stop.
I camped that bitch several times. Aside from Leaping Lizzy, she was one of the first NMs I ever heard about in the game, and I was determined to murder her. But I never even saw her pop. Not once.
This wasn't about the sweet dagger she dropped. This was about something more than that. Something on a deeper, cosmic level we both shared in another lifetime, bound by fate, nay, bound by super-destiny. So near, and yet so far. Just... Barely out of reach...
Also, I wanted the dagger for when I decided to level thief.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Friend or Foe
It is inevitable.
When you play a game for 10+ years, you are bound to make enemies.
I didn't have that many, but yes, I had people that didn't like me ingame.
After I moved to Louisiana, my good friend Shiga just suddenly hated me. He told my brother it was because I "abandoned my family and moved far away" which, I have no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but I wasn't going to argue. That guy wasn't the sharpest apple in the breadbox.
During the time when my Linkshell had the second most members in the entire server, one person resented the fact that I was king of kings in my own domain. His name was Proxyfiend, a self-proclaimed "hacker" and someone who was hitting on my sister, to which I gave a heartfelt "meh" because she never really liked him anyways, but he was buying her expensive things, so whatever.
He would talk shit to my sister about me, so I would come over to her computer and check out what he was saying, and we would both laugh and laugh at his stupidity when he would try to deny it when confronted.
One fateful day, he was talking about how badly his level 75 black mage could murder my level 75 samurai, so I challenged him to Ballista. Or PvP for those of you not cool enough to get your license.
This guy swore up and down he could destroy me. He even laid out several battle plans that were foolproof. And he did kill me.
One time.
I murdered his shit 12 times. His "big plan" was to put me to sleep and great magic me. Which he did do once, I'll give him that. But he really needs to skill up his enfeebling magic because I was resisting sleeps and binds left and right.
It was sad, really.
Needless to say, he left the Linkshell after that and I never heard from him again.
Later in the life of my LS, there came a time when a lot of people left, and only a few core members remained, some with other Linkshells they had created. A friend of mine named Erikson asked if I would like a pearl to his other shell, so I said sure and joined in, instantly making friends.
This one girl Lania took a liking to me because I was willing to help her out a lot, so she hung out with me. She was a good friend, and because she was underage, even in a game, that's as far as it went.
I might be an asshole, but I'm a gentleman first and foremost. A gentle asshole.
But another guy named Facrobien, who actually liked her, did not like that Lania was spending so much time with me. He spread rumors around the LS that I was a pedophile and that I was after an underage girl, and it got to the point I had to leave the shell because people were threatening to call the police, even though they didn't know how to find me.
Lania eventually quit the game because Facrobien was a mega creeper and wouldn't leave her alone.
A few months later, I heard through the grapevine that Erikson and his girlfriend had broken up, and Facrobien was trying to get with her, even though he was underage and she was 20-something, which was basically the reverse of what he claimed was going on with me and Lania, but it was totally okay for some reason.
Everyone in the LS eventually realized he was full of fuck-all-bullshit and kicked him. I was invited back and several people apologized for not getting my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
So, I guess the moral of this story is don't be a fucking dick. Or you'll get what's coming to you.
When you play a game for 10+ years, you are bound to make enemies.
I didn't have that many, but yes, I had people that didn't like me ingame.
After I moved to Louisiana, my good friend Shiga just suddenly hated me. He told my brother it was because I "abandoned my family and moved far away" which, I have no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but I wasn't going to argue. That guy wasn't the sharpest apple in the breadbox.
During the time when my Linkshell had the second most members in the entire server, one person resented the fact that I was king of kings in my own domain. His name was Proxyfiend, a self-proclaimed "hacker" and someone who was hitting on my sister, to which I gave a heartfelt "meh" because she never really liked him anyways, but he was buying her expensive things, so whatever.
He would talk shit to my sister about me, so I would come over to her computer and check out what he was saying, and we would both laugh and laugh at his stupidity when he would try to deny it when confronted.
One fateful day, he was talking about how badly his level 75 black mage could murder my level 75 samurai, so I challenged him to Ballista. Or PvP for those of you not cool enough to get your license.
This guy swore up and down he could destroy me. He even laid out several battle plans that were foolproof. And he did kill me.
One time.
I murdered his shit 12 times. His "big plan" was to put me to sleep and great magic me. Which he did do once, I'll give him that. But he really needs to skill up his enfeebling magic because I was resisting sleeps and binds left and right.
It was sad, really.
Needless to say, he left the Linkshell after that and I never heard from him again.
Later in the life of my LS, there came a time when a lot of people left, and only a few core members remained, some with other Linkshells they had created. A friend of mine named Erikson asked if I would like a pearl to his other shell, so I said sure and joined in, instantly making friends.
This one girl Lania took a liking to me because I was willing to help her out a lot, so she hung out with me. She was a good friend, and because she was underage, even in a game, that's as far as it went.
I might be an asshole, but I'm a gentleman first and foremost. A gentle asshole.
But another guy named Facrobien, who actually liked her, did not like that Lania was spending so much time with me. He spread rumors around the LS that I was a pedophile and that I was after an underage girl, and it got to the point I had to leave the shell because people were threatening to call the police, even though they didn't know how to find me.
Lania eventually quit the game because Facrobien was a mega creeper and wouldn't leave her alone.
A few months later, I heard through the grapevine that Erikson and his girlfriend had broken up, and Facrobien was trying to get with her, even though he was underage and she was 20-something, which was basically the reverse of what he claimed was going on with me and Lania, but it was totally okay for some reason.
Everyone in the LS eventually realized he was full of fuck-all-bullshit and kicked him. I was invited back and several people apologized for not getting my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
So, I guess the moral of this story is don't be a fucking dick. Or you'll get what's coming to you.
Monday, June 20, 2016
First Friends, Fast Friends
Warning: This post may get a bit rambly while I attempt to conjure memories from the depths of repression. Fuck you anway.
If everyone remembers, I was made aware of FFXI by my friend Manaseph.
Him and his dad Ironcross had been playing for a while, and they were the first friends I had online.
Manaseph was a mid-level warrior in level 24 chainmail, which I thought was the coolest fucking thing at the time. And the most expensivest thing at the time.
His father was a level 60 Red Mage in AF gear (minus the hat, which I later helped him get), which was amazing in my eyes. What I found even more interesting later was that he had never been in a party and everything he had was from soloing his way around the world.
Fucking.
Woah.
Not to mention the fact that he was loaded because he sold every single drop he got and bought Manaseph whatever he wanted because they were related.
Pfft.
Manaseph taught me many things. How to farm. How to get killed by the Sea Horror on a pleasant boat ride. How to quest. And most importantly, how to make my own Linkshell.
For those of you that don't know, a Linkshell is a device used to communicate with other people regardless of their location, so long as they have the Linkshell equipped.
And thus, the LS HellsLegion was born. I was the leader. I was powerful.
In my far off travels, I had made a few friends whilst murdering in the dunes. Selenas and Billiam, to name two.
Yet, right outside Bastok was where I made friends that would last a lifetime.
Sorta.
I don't remember exactly how I met Darios, but him and I still talk to this day.
He lives in Norway or somewhere up where the snow never melts. Which is awesome. We both talk about metal because that's the main export up there.
We partied together all the time. Hung on constantly. Murdered many a Leaping Lizzy. We also made friends.
Strange, weird friends.
Running naked around Gustaberg, wielding his mighty Onion Sword, was Kovasteel, a friend I would have for a very long time.
He reminded me years later that Darios and I had made fun of him during his first few days playing, yet he enjoyed every day in our Linkshell.
Kovasteel grew up to be a mighty paladin, murdering shit by bashing them with a shield.
He eventually moved on to bigger and better Linkshells, killing God and whatnot. The usual.
Last I heard he was in India when a tsunami hit years ago. I'm hoping he's alright.
As our LS grew, we recruited a lot more people. Most were your typical revolving door of adventurers, yet some stayed and became family.
This guy Andrei was one we had for a while.
He was a bald Hume, like I, with big aspirations of becoming a Dark Knight. Until he found out they couldn't hit for shit, so he became a Ranger instead.
Like Kovasteel, he moved on to other Linkshells and hunted Gods.
A story I heard through the grapevine involved Andrei calling for help during a Kirin fight and being kicked from his LS for it.
Not sure how accurate that story is, but if anyone has more information, please leave it in the comments.
Swissd and Kaizasoze were two other friends that got together and made their own Linkshell. Fuckin traitors.
Ashaara was someone I met really early in the game who went on to form the LS ZantesukenSyndicate, then I ran into later when I joined EmnityLS and did sky runs.
Nomansland was a cool dude I partied with a lot, then disappeared.
Cebera was a guy I hung out with a lot ingame and eventually switched servers. He sent me a picture of himself, to which I commented he looked very much like Harry Potter.
Then there was Shiga.
Man, what the fuck can I say about Shiga.
The dude was awesome in his own way. He was never not roleplaying his character.
The few times I talked to him and Cloudskitten over the phone, he told me about how his biggest dream was to go to a ninja camp in like, Tennessee or some shit so he could be a ninja like Naruto.
Totally serious, guys.
He later remade his character to Seriyu, an Elvaan, because he told me that Elvaans are superior Dragoons to Humes.
Well, fuck you too.
I don't remember exactly how I met Lunia, but we remain friends to this day. Even met IRL.
Friends are the best.
I might even be getting a little dewy-eyed at the thought of everyone that has entered my life through this wonderful game.
Or maybe it's these onions I'm chopping up for dinner.
Yeah.
Onions.
Fuck you. I'm drunk.
If everyone remembers, I was made aware of FFXI by my friend Manaseph.
Him and his dad Ironcross had been playing for a while, and they were the first friends I had online.
Manaseph was a mid-level warrior in level 24 chainmail, which I thought was the coolest fucking thing at the time. And the most expensivest thing at the time.
His father was a level 60 Red Mage in AF gear (minus the hat, which I later helped him get), which was amazing in my eyes. What I found even more interesting later was that he had never been in a party and everything he had was from soloing his way around the world.
Fucking.
Woah.
Not to mention the fact that he was loaded because he sold every single drop he got and bought Manaseph whatever he wanted because they were related.
Pfft.
Manaseph taught me many things. How to farm. How to get killed by the Sea Horror on a pleasant boat ride. How to quest. And most importantly, how to make my own Linkshell.
For those of you that don't know, a Linkshell is a device used to communicate with other people regardless of their location, so long as they have the Linkshell equipped.
And thus, the LS HellsLegion was born. I was the leader. I was powerful.
In my far off travels, I had made a few friends whilst murdering in the dunes. Selenas and Billiam, to name two.
Yet, right outside Bastok was where I made friends that would last a lifetime.
Sorta.
I don't remember exactly how I met Darios, but him and I still talk to this day.
He lives in Norway or somewhere up where the snow never melts. Which is awesome. We both talk about metal because that's the main export up there.
We partied together all the time. Hung on constantly. Murdered many a Leaping Lizzy. We also made friends.
Strange, weird friends.
Running naked around Gustaberg, wielding his mighty Onion Sword, was Kovasteel, a friend I would have for a very long time.
He reminded me years later that Darios and I had made fun of him during his first few days playing, yet he enjoyed every day in our Linkshell.
Kovasteel grew up to be a mighty paladin, murdering shit by bashing them with a shield.
He eventually moved on to bigger and better Linkshells, killing God and whatnot. The usual.
Last I heard he was in India when a tsunami hit years ago. I'm hoping he's alright.
As our LS grew, we recruited a lot more people. Most were your typical revolving door of adventurers, yet some stayed and became family.
This guy Andrei was one we had for a while.
He was a bald Hume, like I, with big aspirations of becoming a Dark Knight. Until he found out they couldn't hit for shit, so he became a Ranger instead.
Like Kovasteel, he moved on to other Linkshells and hunted Gods.
A story I heard through the grapevine involved Andrei calling for help during a Kirin fight and being kicked from his LS for it.
Not sure how accurate that story is, but if anyone has more information, please leave it in the comments.
Swissd and Kaizasoze were two other friends that got together and made their own Linkshell. Fuckin traitors.
Ashaara was someone I met really early in the game who went on to form the LS ZantesukenSyndicate, then I ran into later when I joined EmnityLS and did sky runs.
Nomansland was a cool dude I partied with a lot, then disappeared.
Cebera was a guy I hung out with a lot ingame and eventually switched servers. He sent me a picture of himself, to which I commented he looked very much like Harry Potter.
Then there was Shiga.
Man, what the fuck can I say about Shiga.
The dude was awesome in his own way. He was never not roleplaying his character.
The few times I talked to him and Cloudskitten over the phone, he told me about how his biggest dream was to go to a ninja camp in like, Tennessee or some shit so he could be a ninja like Naruto.
Totally serious, guys.
He later remade his character to Seriyu, an Elvaan, because he told me that Elvaans are superior Dragoons to Humes.
Well, fuck you too.
I don't remember exactly how I met Lunia, but we remain friends to this day. Even met IRL.
Friends are the best.
I might even be getting a little dewy-eyed at the thought of everyone that has entered my life through this wonderful game.
Or maybe it's these onions I'm chopping up for dinner.
Yeah.
Onions.
Fuck you. I'm drunk.
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