Stupid Friday

Friday snuck up on me fast. Almost... Too fast. Like it was just waiting at the end of the week for me to be right up on it... then BAM. In my face like mace. Stingy.

And I happen to have work tomorrow, plus getting all the crap together for my new vehicle. Which you probably don't care about, so here's something I can segway into:

Chocobos: The driving force behind everything.

I have to say, if getting a car in this world was as easy as getting a chocobo in that other world, I would't be losing as much hair as I am now. Luckily, I am cultivating head hair on my face as a backup plan, but still think about it.

You talk to a guy who looks like me but smells like bird shit, then you feed a chocobo for a few days, and that's it. If all I had to do was fill my car up with gas for a few days in order to obtain it, things would be a lot simpler.

Now, most of you might not remember that SE snuck in a little quest at one point. When I was explaining to a friend that all he had to do was talk to poop guy then feed a bird, I was a little confused when he told me there was a cutscene involving a chocobo getting lost in Konschtat Highlands.

Apparently SE thought it was more important to raise a chocobo before you got a license, so they placed the raising system quest before the license quest. Makes sense to me question mark?

I myself never actually gave a shit about raising a chocobo. Of course when it first came out I hatched my egg and watched over my chick carefully. And when it came time for the feathers to turn colors? Yellow. ALWAYS YELLOW.

I just kinda forgot about it for a few months and then it grew up. I imagine the stables were much like a neglected tamogotchi, with piles of shit as far as the eye can see.

My chocobo whistle was worthless because I could walk faster than my chocobo could run, and I'm pretty sure all the females were laughing at my registration card as they walk out the door with a football quarterback in each arm. So I would release my little guy into the sunset, and I would shed a single tear as I watched the friend I raised from an egg turn and walk away. Very, very slowly walk away. Seriously, all that racing training, and he still moved slower than a Galka through a sea of Tarutaru corpses that I probably murdered.

Oh that reminds me!

The chocobo racing circuit they added later was a fucking joke. No one ever went there, and the few times I did, I lost money because you had to pick two winners. Two. It was hard enough picking who you thought would finish first, but picking two was just evil. And you know the funny thing? Every chocobo I picked to finish first, finished fucking first. But the one I bet on to place second would stop to pick at his asshole while Cleetus in left field ran up and snagged silver.

It was bullshit. And I had such high hopes because gambling can be fun. Also, it was called Chocobetting. You would place a Chocobet and win Chocobucks. Jesus Christ, the whimsy is through the roof.

Chocobo stuff in XIV is a lot more betterer. At least I finally have a chocobo that isn't yellow and actually moves faster than a rock.

In conclusion


Something. Good night, all. And happy Friday.