I stated before. I did not grow up playing MMOs. The closest thing I had was PSO for Dreamcast, and that barely counted.
As someone new to the whole MMORPG thing, I was pleasantly surprised when they started releasing expansions for FFXI.
Sure, Rise of the Zilart was the first expansion, but the western release came with it already, so I never got to experience a world-changing event such as adding an entire new area full of shit to murder.
But about a year into the game, then things started to change. Something was coming. Something big.
It started with broken teleport points. I remember it well, because people were freaking out. I might have had something to do with that.
Then, all of a sudden, like a gift from above, Chains of Promathia was released.
New areas? New missions? New everything? What sort of sorcery is this?
I must have read through the booklet a million times, carefully absorbing the descriptions of areas I could go, and monsters I could murder. I memorized each picture, everything about them drawing me in, beckoning me to come find them. To be deep inside them. Mmmmm yes, my love. Soon. Soon.
Then quickly found out that 75% of the content were mission locked.
Fuck.
I actually have to mission to murder.
But that came later. Initially, exploration of the new areas was required.
My friend Alana and I were the first in server to visit Movalpolos. I know this because when we zoned in on day one, there was no one else in the zone. And we did it by accident, mind you.
We were checking shit out in Gusgen mines when all of a sudden we turned a corner, and the screen went black. I thought my PS2 had froze, so I started for the power button, but then it happened.
My screen came back on and I was somewhere... New. Somewhere, scary.
Everything was easy prey, even for my level 70 samurai. Shit was about to get interesting.
We killed a few moblins, learning their attack strategies. Crazy guys with their fireworks and frying pans.
We went in deeper, killing bugbear and moblins with red masks. Then we hit a level wall, where everything started turning tough and very tough, so we headed back to check other sites.
Bibiki Bay was the second area we went to. The efts were crazy looking. Little fish dogs with all the teeth ever. We rode the manaclipper to Purgonorgo Island, learning quickly not to mess with uragnites without some way to get rid of poison.
The last area we visited together was Attowah Chasm. And let me tell you. This place was the coolest fucking thing I ever saw.
If you've never been there, it's a huge desert area with a mountain in the center that you have to follow a very specific path to climb. I memorized how to climb it. Even before I found out it was required for a quest, I memorized the way to the top. Pretty sure if I could log in right now, I would be able to get up there.
I'm always good at getting up.
We also met the antlions. My favorite fucking creature in the game. I love those big scary looking things. I was thrilled when they added them as a jug pet for beastmaster. Controlling a hulking nightmare machine has always been on my bucket list.
Eventually I did have to get a party together and do promyvion, but at that point, people realized you needed a very, very specific lineup to make it work. So I fucking farmed the shit out of Delkfutt's tower to afford gear for my ranger. I went in there, arrows flying, and got my ass handed to me several times. I eventually became a master at navigating the area.
When I finally did unlock Lufaise Meadows and Tavnazian Safehold, it was... A bit disappointing.
Lufaise Meadows was well put together and beautiful, but theh Safehold felt so empty and sad. I realize everyone there is a refugee from a war-torn nation, but jeeze, put a picture of a silly cat on the wall, guys.
Not to mention the fact that you had to unlock everything in the city. Shops, auction house, more quests.
You had to do quests to be able to do quests.
Alana and I fucked around in Lufaise for a while, but there wasn't any pressing need or want to unlock anything else. Sea was the next thing, but I actually did that years later after the cap was lifted on the missions, and I feel like I didn't miss anything.
Yeah, I heard about Absolute Virtue and the Pandemonium Warden 18 hour fight. But I really didn't care. I was content with what the expansion had given me.
Content with the content. Spelled the same, said differently in context. Engrish language.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Events
Fucking.
Events.
My number one super special awesome favorite thing about XI was the events they put on.
Halloween. Summerfest. Christmas. Crazy Japanese Holiday #239. I participated in every single one and got all I could out of it. It was a big relief to do something other than murder shit all day, no matter how fun said shit was to murder.
Having fun was always... Well, fun.
My favorite holiday out of all of them was the Sun Breeze Festival, aka Summerfest. Why? Because you got a bitchin' yukata to wear while the fireworks were going off all over the place.
I also ended up getting a warp staff, which I have to this day. Comes in handy when you need to... Warp.
I remember buying a bunch of cookies and bubble chocolate from an NPC and handing them out to anyone who happened to walk by. It was a great time, and something I cherish.
Events.
My number one super special awesome favorite thing about XI was the events they put on.
Halloween. Summerfest. Christmas. Crazy Japanese Holiday #239. I participated in every single one and got all I could out of it. It was a big relief to do something other than murder shit all day, no matter how fun said shit was to murder.
Having fun was always... Well, fun.
My favorite holiday out of all of them was the Sun Breeze Festival, aka Summerfest. Why? Because you got a bitchin' yukata to wear while the fireworks were going off all over the place.
Bitchin'.
My first experience with Summerfest was back in 2004. I logged on, not realizing an event was taking place, and saw an enormous crowd of people in the Bastok Markets area all wearing the blue event yukata. I was so confused, I started asking around, trying to figure out what was going on. Someone finally told me about the event and I jumped right in.
I remember having to do a certain quest that involved getting teleported to a high level area, and temporarily becoming level 1 with sneak/invisible on and having to search around for a specific item.
It was the coolest thing ever.
At the time, I didn't realize I was being teleported to an actual place in the game I could visit later. I thought they were areas designed for the event, so I was surprised when I saw non level 1 guys running around killing stuff. Also getting murdered by Guivre a lot. That was fun.
Then you went down near the hot springs outside of Dangruf Wadi and started goldfishing. It was tedium to the max, but fun nonetheless.
I still have my original yukata from 2004.
Halloween was another event I loved. I joined a bit late to catch the first one, and was told by everyone who attended it was awesome and GMs dressed like demons. But I did catch the next one, and it was a blast. Dude's roaming Bastok, collecting sweets and turning everyone into nightmare fuel.
I remember buying a bunch of cookies and bubble chocolate from an NPC and handing them out to anyone who happened to walk by. It was a great time, and something I cherish.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Shopping
Probably my favorite thing about XI had to be the Auction House.
Fortunes could be won or lost. Lives could be torn apart by a single accidental bid. Whole Tarus could be lost in the myriad of items available for anonymous purchase.
It was unlike anything I've seen in any other game I've played before or since.
The way it works is when you sell an item, you put up a price you want to get. The purchaser would then enter an amount they wish to spend. Let's say you put up a crystal for 2,000g. If someone bids 2,000g, they would buy your crystal. However, if they bid say, 2,500g, they would buy your crystal for more than you originally listed. If there were multiple of the same items up for sale, the ones with the lowest list price would be bought first. So, if you put up the crystal for 2,000g, someone put up a crystal for 2,001g, and someone bid 2,500g, yours would be sold first for 2,500g.
Are you following me so far?
The only way to know the value of an item was to check the price history and see what the last 10 or so were sold for. The prices of current sales weren't up like they are in FFXIV, so you would blindly bid, trying to get the lowest price for what you wanted. Naturally, there were people who would put up items for 1g in the hopes of them selling quick, but that also comes with the risk of people bidding extremely low.
It was just complex enough to be amazing.
In the beginning, there were Auction Houses for each of the nations, Bastok, Windurst, San d'Oria *coughfaggotscough*, Jeuno, and to a lesser extent, Kazham, Norg, and Rabao, which no one ever went to unless they were desperate or retarded. Each had separate listings for items. For example, some items were expensive in Bastok, but cheaper in Windurst where they might be readily available. This made it extremely tedious to price match to try and save money.
It wasn't until the later years of XI that they decided to combine all the Auction Houses so there would be no more running around.
Fuckin' pansies.
Because of this, a lot of really old price history sales were lost.
However, right before the Auction House merge, I decided to snag a few little screenshots of items friends of mine and I had listed in the very early years before they were gone forever.
Take a peek into history:
Fortunes could be won or lost. Lives could be torn apart by a single accidental bid. Whole Tarus could be lost in the myriad of items available for anonymous purchase.
It was unlike anything I've seen in any other game I've played before or since.
The way it works is when you sell an item, you put up a price you want to get. The purchaser would then enter an amount they wish to spend. Let's say you put up a crystal for 2,000g. If someone bids 2,000g, they would buy your crystal. However, if they bid say, 2,500g, they would buy your crystal for more than you originally listed. If there were multiple of the same items up for sale, the ones with the lowest list price would be bought first. So, if you put up the crystal for 2,000g, someone put up a crystal for 2,001g, and someone bid 2,500g, yours would be sold first for 2,500g.
Are you following me so far?
The only way to know the value of an item was to check the price history and see what the last 10 or so were sold for. The prices of current sales weren't up like they are in FFXIV, so you would blindly bid, trying to get the lowest price for what you wanted. Naturally, there were people who would put up items for 1g in the hopes of them selling quick, but that also comes with the risk of people bidding extremely low.
It was just complex enough to be amazing.
In the beginning, there were Auction Houses for each of the nations, Bastok, Windurst, San d'Oria *coughfaggotscough*, Jeuno, and to a lesser extent, Kazham, Norg, and Rabao, which no one ever went to unless they were desperate or retarded. Each had separate listings for items. For example, some items were expensive in Bastok, but cheaper in Windurst where they might be readily available. This made it extremely tedious to price match to try and save money.
It wasn't until the later years of XI that they decided to combine all the Auction Houses so there would be no more running around.
Fuckin' pansies.
Because of this, a lot of really old price history sales were lost.
However, right before the Auction House merge, I decided to snag a few little screenshots of items friends of mine and I had listed in the very early years before they were gone forever.
Take a peek into history:
Oh my! It seems I sold that item to myself for 69g! What a rapscallion I was back then. I'm not sure how my friend Darios and I got these pants, because this was back when they first released the set, so everything was mega expensive and hard to find. But we did it somehow.
There's the boots that Darios sold to himself for 1g.
Another Darios post. I guess 777 is more evil than Satan?
I remember having to promise Cayerik I would give him his money back after he bought this. Look at that date. November 22, 2004. Jeezy Creezy.
And once again, Darios snuck in the listing. Cheeky samurai.
There was also another listing I was very proud of that I was unable to get a screenshot before the merge. On my first trip to Kazham, I purchased Royal Knights Mufflers for my soon-to-be samurai for 10,000g that I borrowed from my good friend Alana. I remained the only person to ever buy them on the Kazham auction house until the merge took place, with a sell date earlier than the one pictured above.
Time flies, man. Time flies.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Guys
I have a confession to make.
Hildibrand Manderville is my fucking spirit animal.
I would go gay for this man.
And he's probably two steps ahead of me.
I'm a Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Doing what only a Manderville can.
From the peaks of Coerthas to Thanalan.
Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Hildibrand Manderville is my fucking spirit animal.
I would go gay for this man.
And he's probably two steps ahead of me.
I'm a Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
Doing what only a Manderville can.
From the peaks of Coerthas to Thanalan.
Mander-Mander-Manderville man.
The Linkshell
You might recall I made a Linkshell early on.
You might also recall that we were pretty big. Second highest member numbers at one point.
Of course, people would come and people would go. Some retarded, some not. Like a revolving door of stupidity.
But there was always a core group of members that were there from the beginning. Even though we never really accomplished anything grandiose, they were always there to lend a hand and share some laughs. I've mentioned some of these names in previous posts. But any name in these screenshots that hasn't been mentioned so far, you were not forgotten, just saving the best for last.
I give you the founders, circa 2004. What a beautiful bunch of individuals. From left to right, Bason/Lyserg, Darios, Gefgarion, Xenoa, Kovasteel, Ase.
There I am on the right shooting something. What a character I was.
Who's that sexy samurai? Darios. It's Darios.
Spoooooopy!
And what Linkshell would be complete without the obligatory suicide in Bastok?
The years were full of good times, bad times, sad times, and wonderful memories. I thank each and every one of you for being there. If you are or know someone in any of these screenshots, drop me a line. It would be great to hear from you again.
On a personal note: I wonder if Ken and Marin ever got their shit worked out. It took me forever to guide that asshole through Dangruf Wadi.
You might also recall that we were pretty big. Second highest member numbers at one point.
Of course, people would come and people would go. Some retarded, some not. Like a revolving door of stupidity.
But there was always a core group of members that were there from the beginning. Even though we never really accomplished anything grandiose, they were always there to lend a hand and share some laughs. I've mentioned some of these names in previous posts. But any name in these screenshots that hasn't been mentioned so far, you were not forgotten, just saving the best for last.
I give you the founders, circa 2004. What a beautiful bunch of individuals. From left to right, Bason/Lyserg, Darios, Gefgarion, Xenoa, Kovasteel, Ase.
There I am on the right shooting something. What a character I was.
Cebera and Treliant, two other originals.
Kazham... Everyone lfg at Kazham...
Everyone was always willing to lend a hand if someone needed any help. Also pumpkin heads. Always pumpkin heads.
And what Linkshell would be complete without the obligatory suicide in Bastok?
The years were full of good times, bad times, sad times, and wonderful memories. I thank each and every one of you for being there. If you are or know someone in any of these screenshots, drop me a line. It would be great to hear from you again.
On a personal note: I wonder if Ken and Marin ever got their shit worked out. It took me forever to guide that asshole through Dangruf Wadi.
Friday, June 24, 2016
Mine, All Mine
Happy Friday, everyone. Hope your week was well. I actually don't care.
Here's Friday's Insider Edition!
*ahem*
Mining in FFXI was fucking retarded.
For those of you who have never done it, or forgot/repressed the memory, here's a recap:
You run around an area looking for a mining point, then use a pickaxe on the mining point and maybe get an item and/or break your pick.
How hard do you have to be swinging in order to break a pick? And it wasn't just every now and then. It happened all the fucking time. It was inevitable. Couldn't eat it.
The only way to lessen the chance of breaking a pick was to buy clothes.
Yes, there were magic clothes that would make your picks a little stronger to withstand the blows from your massive biceps.
I forgot to mention that there were only a few mining points per area, and they were shared with everyone. So if you were about to reach a point and someone got there before you, tough shit man, go find another point.
And mining bots were fuckin' EVERYWHERE because you could make decent money even off of the lowest level mining points.
And guess who mined all the time.
Just take a wild guess.
If you guessed me, here's a taco, because fuck you.
I mined a lot. I was so deep inside Zeruhn Mines, I'm surprised it didn't get pregnant. I had a HQ version of the clothes that I bought with money from MINING ALL THE TIME.
I tried other mining areas; Gusgen Mines, Palborough Mines, even crazy high level areas like Ifrit's Cauldron where you can get some pretty expensive ore. But Zeruhn was perfect in it's simplicity.
The rarest ore you could find was Darksteel, which sold for around 6k a piece, but the fact that it was right INSIDE Bastok made it the best of the bunch.
You could easily go in with a couple stacks of picks and walk out with 50k without ever leaving the comfort of the best city in the game.
How does mining in XI compare to XIV?
You are retarded.
XIV's Miner class blows XI out of the water, even if it is easier when you can select which ores you're going to mine. If there had been an actual mining class in XI, it would have been awesome, but the fact remains that XI's gathering system seemed rushed.
The developers probably sat around a table made of baby skulls and were like,
"Ok, this game is awesome, but it's missing something..."
"Oh, sir, how about easily breakable items you use on a point that sometimes gives items maybe?"
"Perfect."
Then they rub their hands together and bathe in money.
That's how I would do it.
Here's Friday's Insider Edition!
*ahem*
Mining in FFXI was fucking retarded.
For those of you who have never done it, or forgot/repressed the memory, here's a recap:
You run around an area looking for a mining point, then use a pickaxe on the mining point and maybe get an item and/or break your pick.
How hard do you have to be swinging in order to break a pick? And it wasn't just every now and then. It happened all the fucking time. It was inevitable. Couldn't eat it.
The only way to lessen the chance of breaking a pick was to buy clothes.
Yes, there were magic clothes that would make your picks a little stronger to withstand the blows from your massive biceps.
I forgot to mention that there were only a few mining points per area, and they were shared with everyone. So if you were about to reach a point and someone got there before you, tough shit man, go find another point.
And mining bots were fuckin' EVERYWHERE because you could make decent money even off of the lowest level mining points.
And guess who mined all the time.
Just take a wild guess.
If you guessed me, here's a taco, because fuck you.
I mined a lot. I was so deep inside Zeruhn Mines, I'm surprised it didn't get pregnant. I had a HQ version of the clothes that I bought with money from MINING ALL THE TIME.
I tried other mining areas; Gusgen Mines, Palborough Mines, even crazy high level areas like Ifrit's Cauldron where you can get some pretty expensive ore. But Zeruhn was perfect in it's simplicity.
The rarest ore you could find was Darksteel, which sold for around 6k a piece, but the fact that it was right INSIDE Bastok made it the best of the bunch.
You could easily go in with a couple stacks of picks and walk out with 50k without ever leaving the comfort of the best city in the game.
How does mining in XI compare to XIV?
You are retarded.
XIV's Miner class blows XI out of the water, even if it is easier when you can select which ores you're going to mine. If there had been an actual mining class in XI, it would have been awesome, but the fact remains that XI's gathering system seemed rushed.
The developers probably sat around a table made of baby skulls and were like,
"Ok, this game is awesome, but it's missing something..."
"Oh, sir, how about easily breakable items you use on a point that sometimes gives items maybe?"
"Perfect."
Then they rub their hands together and bathe in money.
That's how I would do it.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
My Special Place
Everyone has a favorite area in the game.
Some are for stupid reasons like gathering points, or some kind of treasure chest. With something ultra rare in it. Like a hat.
Losers.
I have two favorite locations for different reasons.
First, Dangruf Wadi. You know, that swamp area next to South Gustaberg that you probably only went to once or probably never.
Why is it my favorite area, you might ask?
Yes, I know the area looks like someone wiped their greasy hands on a napkin and then peed on it.
It's my first favorite because when I was leveling up, I got lost in there and accidentally stumbled across the strange apparatus area behind the fake wall. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
The strange apparatus was a complete mystery to me. And not a lot of people knew about them when I brought it up in conversation. The one in Crawler's Nest was a well-known camping area, but the one in Dangruf Wadi remained a mystery to a lot of people.
It was also a place I would take girls to impress them.
So yeah, "bitches" is another reason for me liking the area.
There's also the fact that one of my favorite NMs, Geyser Lizard, lived among the water geysers in the northern part of the map. Darios and I murdered his shit a lot and got the armor several times.
My second favorite area was Carpenter's Landing. Not many people knew you could get there from inside San d'Oria, but I wanted out bad enough and actually carved a path to escape.
Did I mention I hated San d'Oria?
So, why do I like Carpenter's Landing?
For one, it reminded me of where I was born. The whole swamp aesthetic was very reminiscent of Louisiana. Minus the hurricanes and brain-eating amoeba.
For another, the whole place was fucking cool.
It had hidden areas, little spots that served no purpose other than look cool, and a big ass river you could ride a barge down.
I took the barge whenever I could, even if the wait time was several hours. Fuck it. I ride shit.
I even got a chance to fight a NM orc that spawns on the barge. I've seen a lot of people say it's a rare spawn, so I guess I really am lucky *teehee*.
Like Dangruf Wadi, no one ever really went to Carpenter's Landing with the exception of story quests, so I was alone to my own devices most of the time. Murderin' flytraps and such.
There was also this creepy owl that would stare at you no matter which way you faced.
His piercing gaze haunted my nightmares for years. Always watching. Always waiting. Always... Hooting.
So, in retrospect, it seems I enjoy areas where I can be left alone. That sounds about right.
However, are any of us really alone?
Not any more.
Some are for stupid reasons like gathering points, or some kind of treasure chest. With something ultra rare in it. Like a hat.
Losers.
I have two favorite locations for different reasons.
First, Dangruf Wadi. You know, that swamp area next to South Gustaberg that you probably only went to once or probably never.
Why is it my favorite area, you might ask?
Yes, I know the area looks like someone wiped their greasy hands on a napkin and then peed on it.
It's my first favorite because when I was leveling up, I got lost in there and accidentally stumbled across the strange apparatus area behind the fake wall. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
The strange apparatus was a complete mystery to me. And not a lot of people knew about them when I brought it up in conversation. The one in Crawler's Nest was a well-known camping area, but the one in Dangruf Wadi remained a mystery to a lot of people.
It was also a place I would take girls to impress them.
So yeah, "bitches" is another reason for me liking the area.
There's also the fact that one of my favorite NMs, Geyser Lizard, lived among the water geysers in the northern part of the map. Darios and I murdered his shit a lot and got the armor several times.
My second favorite area was Carpenter's Landing. Not many people knew you could get there from inside San d'Oria, but I wanted out bad enough and actually carved a path to escape.
Did I mention I hated San d'Oria?
So, why do I like Carpenter's Landing?
For one, it reminded me of where I was born. The whole swamp aesthetic was very reminiscent of Louisiana. Minus the hurricanes and brain-eating amoeba.
For another, the whole place was fucking cool.
It had hidden areas, little spots that served no purpose other than look cool, and a big ass river you could ride a barge down.
I took the barge whenever I could, even if the wait time was several hours. Fuck it. I ride shit.
I even got a chance to fight a NM orc that spawns on the barge. I've seen a lot of people say it's a rare spawn, so I guess I really am lucky *teehee*.
Like Dangruf Wadi, no one ever really went to Carpenter's Landing with the exception of story quests, so I was alone to my own devices most of the time. Murderin' flytraps and such.
There was also this creepy owl that would stare at you no matter which way you faced.
His piercing gaze haunted my nightmares for years. Always watching. Always waiting. Always... Hooting.
So, in retrospect, it seems I enjoy areas where I can be left alone. That sounds about right.
However, are any of us really alone?
Not any more.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Camping Out
Sure, I camped Notorious Monsters.
Very, very few of them.
I camped Mee Deggi for O.Kote when I was broke.
I camped Stropers for Archer's Rings when I was broke.
I camped Argus for the Peacock Charm when I was broke.
Are you starting to see a pattern? If so, welcome to poverty.
I only camped NMs out of desperation. When I was badly in need of money. And I never got any drops.
Does that mean I only killed a handful of Notorious Monsters during my gameplay?
Fuck no. It just means I'm a lucky son of a fuck.
I'm 4/12 on Leaping Lizzy.
1/1 on Valkurm Emperor.
2/5 on Jaggedy-Eared Jack
2/9 Tom Tit Tat
1/1 Shikigami Weapon
Also Panzer Percival, but I just murdered him so he didn't feel left out.
None of these NMs I ever camped. I had always been running through the area and spotted them unclaimed.
True, there were some NMs I camped for rare/ex pieces like Cargo Crab Colin or Aquarius. It always seemed like crabs had the stuff I wanted. But even then, it was a high drop-to-kill ratio.
I stopped camping once I started up beastmaster, and I never regret it.
NM camping was always so... Boring. Especially when other people were always there, such as Spook. Or that other Yagudo that isn't Mee Deggi.
However, there was one NM that has eluded me to this very day. What is it, you might ask? Some HNM? Some NM with a mega complicated pop requirement? Is it Bigmouth Billy?
No. It was fucking Stinging Sophie. The bee in North Gustaberg.
Stop laughing.
Seriously. Stop.
I camped that bitch several times. Aside from Leaping Lizzy, she was one of the first NMs I ever heard about in the game, and I was determined to murder her. But I never even saw her pop. Not once.
This wasn't about the sweet dagger she dropped. This was about something more than that. Something on a deeper, cosmic level we both shared in another lifetime, bound by fate, nay, bound by super-destiny. So near, and yet so far. Just... Barely out of reach...
Also, I wanted the dagger for when I decided to level thief.
Very, very few of them.
I camped Mee Deggi for O.Kote when I was broke.
I camped Stropers for Archer's Rings when I was broke.
I camped Argus for the Peacock Charm when I was broke.
Are you starting to see a pattern? If so, welcome to poverty.
I only camped NMs out of desperation. When I was badly in need of money. And I never got any drops.
Does that mean I only killed a handful of Notorious Monsters during my gameplay?
Fuck no. It just means I'm a lucky son of a fuck.
I'm 4/12 on Leaping Lizzy.
1/1 on Valkurm Emperor.
2/5 on Jaggedy-Eared Jack
2/9 Tom Tit Tat
1/1 Shikigami Weapon
Also Panzer Percival, but I just murdered him so he didn't feel left out.
None of these NMs I ever camped. I had always been running through the area and spotted them unclaimed.
True, there were some NMs I camped for rare/ex pieces like Cargo Crab Colin or Aquarius. It always seemed like crabs had the stuff I wanted. But even then, it was a high drop-to-kill ratio.
I stopped camping once I started up beastmaster, and I never regret it.
NM camping was always so... Boring. Especially when other people were always there, such as Spook. Or that other Yagudo that isn't Mee Deggi.
However, there was one NM that has eluded me to this very day. What is it, you might ask? Some HNM? Some NM with a mega complicated pop requirement? Is it Bigmouth Billy?
No. It was fucking Stinging Sophie. The bee in North Gustaberg.
Stop laughing.
Seriously. Stop.
I camped that bitch several times. Aside from Leaping Lizzy, she was one of the first NMs I ever heard about in the game, and I was determined to murder her. But I never even saw her pop. Not once.
This wasn't about the sweet dagger she dropped. This was about something more than that. Something on a deeper, cosmic level we both shared in another lifetime, bound by fate, nay, bound by super-destiny. So near, and yet so far. Just... Barely out of reach...
Also, I wanted the dagger for when I decided to level thief.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Friend or Foe
It is inevitable.
When you play a game for 10+ years, you are bound to make enemies.
I didn't have that many, but yes, I had people that didn't like me ingame.
After I moved to Louisiana, my good friend Shiga just suddenly hated me. He told my brother it was because I "abandoned my family and moved far away" which, I have no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but I wasn't going to argue. That guy wasn't the sharpest apple in the breadbox.
During the time when my Linkshell had the second most members in the entire server, one person resented the fact that I was king of kings in my own domain. His name was Proxyfiend, a self-proclaimed "hacker" and someone who was hitting on my sister, to which I gave a heartfelt "meh" because she never really liked him anyways, but he was buying her expensive things, so whatever.
He would talk shit to my sister about me, so I would come over to her computer and check out what he was saying, and we would both laugh and laugh at his stupidity when he would try to deny it when confronted.
One fateful day, he was talking about how badly his level 75 black mage could murder my level 75 samurai, so I challenged him to Ballista. Or PvP for those of you not cool enough to get your license.
This guy swore up and down he could destroy me. He even laid out several battle plans that were foolproof. And he did kill me.
One time.
I murdered his shit 12 times. His "big plan" was to put me to sleep and great magic me. Which he did do once, I'll give him that. But he really needs to skill up his enfeebling magic because I was resisting sleeps and binds left and right.
It was sad, really.
Needless to say, he left the Linkshell after that and I never heard from him again.
Later in the life of my LS, there came a time when a lot of people left, and only a few core members remained, some with other Linkshells they had created. A friend of mine named Erikson asked if I would like a pearl to his other shell, so I said sure and joined in, instantly making friends.
This one girl Lania took a liking to me because I was willing to help her out a lot, so she hung out with me. She was a good friend, and because she was underage, even in a game, that's as far as it went.
I might be an asshole, but I'm a gentleman first and foremost. A gentle asshole.
But another guy named Facrobien, who actually liked her, did not like that Lania was spending so much time with me. He spread rumors around the LS that I was a pedophile and that I was after an underage girl, and it got to the point I had to leave the shell because people were threatening to call the police, even though they didn't know how to find me.
Lania eventually quit the game because Facrobien was a mega creeper and wouldn't leave her alone.
A few months later, I heard through the grapevine that Erikson and his girlfriend had broken up, and Facrobien was trying to get with her, even though he was underage and she was 20-something, which was basically the reverse of what he claimed was going on with me and Lania, but it was totally okay for some reason.
Everyone in the LS eventually realized he was full of fuck-all-bullshit and kicked him. I was invited back and several people apologized for not getting my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
So, I guess the moral of this story is don't be a fucking dick. Or you'll get what's coming to you.
When you play a game for 10+ years, you are bound to make enemies.
I didn't have that many, but yes, I had people that didn't like me ingame.
After I moved to Louisiana, my good friend Shiga just suddenly hated me. He told my brother it was because I "abandoned my family and moved far away" which, I have no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but I wasn't going to argue. That guy wasn't the sharpest apple in the breadbox.
During the time when my Linkshell had the second most members in the entire server, one person resented the fact that I was king of kings in my own domain. His name was Proxyfiend, a self-proclaimed "hacker" and someone who was hitting on my sister, to which I gave a heartfelt "meh" because she never really liked him anyways, but he was buying her expensive things, so whatever.
He would talk shit to my sister about me, so I would come over to her computer and check out what he was saying, and we would both laugh and laugh at his stupidity when he would try to deny it when confronted.
One fateful day, he was talking about how badly his level 75 black mage could murder my level 75 samurai, so I challenged him to Ballista. Or PvP for those of you not cool enough to get your license.
This guy swore up and down he could destroy me. He even laid out several battle plans that were foolproof. And he did kill me.
One time.
I murdered his shit 12 times. His "big plan" was to put me to sleep and great magic me. Which he did do once, I'll give him that. But he really needs to skill up his enfeebling magic because I was resisting sleeps and binds left and right.
It was sad, really.
Needless to say, he left the Linkshell after that and I never heard from him again.
Later in the life of my LS, there came a time when a lot of people left, and only a few core members remained, some with other Linkshells they had created. A friend of mine named Erikson asked if I would like a pearl to his other shell, so I said sure and joined in, instantly making friends.
This one girl Lania took a liking to me because I was willing to help her out a lot, so she hung out with me. She was a good friend, and because she was underage, even in a game, that's as far as it went.
I might be an asshole, but I'm a gentleman first and foremost. A gentle asshole.
But another guy named Facrobien, who actually liked her, did not like that Lania was spending so much time with me. He spread rumors around the LS that I was a pedophile and that I was after an underage girl, and it got to the point I had to leave the shell because people were threatening to call the police, even though they didn't know how to find me.
Lania eventually quit the game because Facrobien was a mega creeper and wouldn't leave her alone.
A few months later, I heard through the grapevine that Erikson and his girlfriend had broken up, and Facrobien was trying to get with her, even though he was underage and she was 20-something, which was basically the reverse of what he claimed was going on with me and Lania, but it was totally okay for some reason.
Everyone in the LS eventually realized he was full of fuck-all-bullshit and kicked him. I was invited back and several people apologized for not getting my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
So, I guess the moral of this story is don't be a fucking dick. Or you'll get what's coming to you.
Monday, June 20, 2016
First Friends, Fast Friends
Warning: This post may get a bit rambly while I attempt to conjure memories from the depths of repression. Fuck you anway.
If everyone remembers, I was made aware of FFXI by my friend Manaseph.
Him and his dad Ironcross had been playing for a while, and they were the first friends I had online.
Manaseph was a mid-level warrior in level 24 chainmail, which I thought was the coolest fucking thing at the time. And the most expensivest thing at the time.
His father was a level 60 Red Mage in AF gear (minus the hat, which I later helped him get), which was amazing in my eyes. What I found even more interesting later was that he had never been in a party and everything he had was from soloing his way around the world.
Fucking.
Woah.
Not to mention the fact that he was loaded because he sold every single drop he got and bought Manaseph whatever he wanted because they were related.
Pfft.
Manaseph taught me many things. How to farm. How to get killed by the Sea Horror on a pleasant boat ride. How to quest. And most importantly, how to make my own Linkshell.
For those of you that don't know, a Linkshell is a device used to communicate with other people regardless of their location, so long as they have the Linkshell equipped.
And thus, the LS HellsLegion was born. I was the leader. I was powerful.
In my far off travels, I had made a few friends whilst murdering in the dunes. Selenas and Billiam, to name two.
Yet, right outside Bastok was where I made friends that would last a lifetime.
Sorta.
I don't remember exactly how I met Darios, but him and I still talk to this day.
He lives in Norway or somewhere up where the snow never melts. Which is awesome. We both talk about metal because that's the main export up there.
We partied together all the time. Hung on constantly. Murdered many a Leaping Lizzy. We also made friends.
Strange, weird friends.
Running naked around Gustaberg, wielding his mighty Onion Sword, was Kovasteel, a friend I would have for a very long time.
He reminded me years later that Darios and I had made fun of him during his first few days playing, yet he enjoyed every day in our Linkshell.
Kovasteel grew up to be a mighty paladin, murdering shit by bashing them with a shield.
He eventually moved on to bigger and better Linkshells, killing God and whatnot. The usual.
Last I heard he was in India when a tsunami hit years ago. I'm hoping he's alright.
As our LS grew, we recruited a lot more people. Most were your typical revolving door of adventurers, yet some stayed and became family.
This guy Andrei was one we had for a while.
He was a bald Hume, like I, with big aspirations of becoming a Dark Knight. Until he found out they couldn't hit for shit, so he became a Ranger instead.
Like Kovasteel, he moved on to other Linkshells and hunted Gods.
A story I heard through the grapevine involved Andrei calling for help during a Kirin fight and being kicked from his LS for it.
Not sure how accurate that story is, but if anyone has more information, please leave it in the comments.
Swissd and Kaizasoze were two other friends that got together and made their own Linkshell. Fuckin traitors.
Ashaara was someone I met really early in the game who went on to form the LS ZantesukenSyndicate, then I ran into later when I joined EmnityLS and did sky runs.
Nomansland was a cool dude I partied with a lot, then disappeared.
Cebera was a guy I hung out with a lot ingame and eventually switched servers. He sent me a picture of himself, to which I commented he looked very much like Harry Potter.
Then there was Shiga.
Man, what the fuck can I say about Shiga.
The dude was awesome in his own way. He was never not roleplaying his character.
The few times I talked to him and Cloudskitten over the phone, he told me about how his biggest dream was to go to a ninja camp in like, Tennessee or some shit so he could be a ninja like Naruto.
Totally serious, guys.
He later remade his character to Seriyu, an Elvaan, because he told me that Elvaans are superior Dragoons to Humes.
Well, fuck you too.
I don't remember exactly how I met Lunia, but we remain friends to this day. Even met IRL.
Friends are the best.
I might even be getting a little dewy-eyed at the thought of everyone that has entered my life through this wonderful game.
Or maybe it's these onions I'm chopping up for dinner.
Yeah.
Onions.
Fuck you. I'm drunk.
If everyone remembers, I was made aware of FFXI by my friend Manaseph.
Him and his dad Ironcross had been playing for a while, and they were the first friends I had online.
Manaseph was a mid-level warrior in level 24 chainmail, which I thought was the coolest fucking thing at the time. And the most expensivest thing at the time.
His father was a level 60 Red Mage in AF gear (minus the hat, which I later helped him get), which was amazing in my eyes. What I found even more interesting later was that he had never been in a party and everything he had was from soloing his way around the world.
Fucking.
Woah.
Not to mention the fact that he was loaded because he sold every single drop he got and bought Manaseph whatever he wanted because they were related.
Pfft.
Manaseph taught me many things. How to farm. How to get killed by the Sea Horror on a pleasant boat ride. How to quest. And most importantly, how to make my own Linkshell.
For those of you that don't know, a Linkshell is a device used to communicate with other people regardless of their location, so long as they have the Linkshell equipped.
And thus, the LS HellsLegion was born. I was the leader. I was powerful.
In my far off travels, I had made a few friends whilst murdering in the dunes. Selenas and Billiam, to name two.
Yet, right outside Bastok was where I made friends that would last a lifetime.
Sorta.
I don't remember exactly how I met Darios, but him and I still talk to this day.
He lives in Norway or somewhere up where the snow never melts. Which is awesome. We both talk about metal because that's the main export up there.
We partied together all the time. Hung on constantly. Murdered many a Leaping Lizzy. We also made friends.
Strange, weird friends.
Running naked around Gustaberg, wielding his mighty Onion Sword, was Kovasteel, a friend I would have for a very long time.
He reminded me years later that Darios and I had made fun of him during his first few days playing, yet he enjoyed every day in our Linkshell.
Kovasteel grew up to be a mighty paladin, murdering shit by bashing them with a shield.
He eventually moved on to bigger and better Linkshells, killing God and whatnot. The usual.
Last I heard he was in India when a tsunami hit years ago. I'm hoping he's alright.
As our LS grew, we recruited a lot more people. Most were your typical revolving door of adventurers, yet some stayed and became family.
This guy Andrei was one we had for a while.
He was a bald Hume, like I, with big aspirations of becoming a Dark Knight. Until he found out they couldn't hit for shit, so he became a Ranger instead.
Like Kovasteel, he moved on to other Linkshells and hunted Gods.
A story I heard through the grapevine involved Andrei calling for help during a Kirin fight and being kicked from his LS for it.
Not sure how accurate that story is, but if anyone has more information, please leave it in the comments.
Swissd and Kaizasoze were two other friends that got together and made their own Linkshell. Fuckin traitors.
Ashaara was someone I met really early in the game who went on to form the LS ZantesukenSyndicate, then I ran into later when I joined EmnityLS and did sky runs.
Nomansland was a cool dude I partied with a lot, then disappeared.
Cebera was a guy I hung out with a lot ingame and eventually switched servers. He sent me a picture of himself, to which I commented he looked very much like Harry Potter.
Then there was Shiga.
Man, what the fuck can I say about Shiga.
The dude was awesome in his own way. He was never not roleplaying his character.
The few times I talked to him and Cloudskitten over the phone, he told me about how his biggest dream was to go to a ninja camp in like, Tennessee or some shit so he could be a ninja like Naruto.
Totally serious, guys.
He later remade his character to Seriyu, an Elvaan, because he told me that Elvaans are superior Dragoons to Humes.
Well, fuck you too.
I don't remember exactly how I met Lunia, but we remain friends to this day. Even met IRL.
Friends are the best.
I might even be getting a little dewy-eyed at the thought of everyone that has entered my life through this wonderful game.
Or maybe it's these onions I'm chopping up for dinner.
Yeah.
Onions.
Fuck you. I'm drunk.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Character Creation
Happy Friday, everyone! Another week gone, another week closer to the grave.
Here's this week's Friday Insider Edition. Enjoy!
One of the biggest problems I run into when telling someone about FFXI comes from explaining the character creation system.
Here it is:
Pick a race, pick a face, and pick a hair.
That's it.
And that's all we needed.
Yes, FFXIV has twelve types of face scars and a boob slider, but you know what? Insane fucking detail isn't really needed when your character is wearing heavy armor 90% of the time.
"But As, you can remove the helmet and show the world your unique face that you created!"
True. But you know who actually pays attention to your face?
You.
Just you.
You are the only one that cares about what color you made your eyes, or that cool cheek scar, or the nautical star tattoo behind your ear.
I guarantee the only thing other people notice about your character are 1) Hair if you're a guy, and 2) Tits if you're a girl. Even then, everyone chooses a black and red hairstyle (guilty as charged), and the biggest tits possible, so they all end up looking the same anyway.
No one is going to comment on how awesome it was that you spent an hour on your character's cheekbones.
In XI, we knew everyone looked alike, but we didn't dwell on it. We just accepted it and murdered shit.
In XIV, you notice that everyone looks different, but you just don't care, because everyone acts the same.
All the guys are assholes, and all the girls are men.
And don't get me started on glamour.
In the end, all the millions of glamour you can pick come down to like, three things that look good.
I'm a part of a FFXIV community on Facebook, and if I had a dollar for every time some dude posted "Hey, check out my new glamour. Whatchu think? ;)" with a picture of their character with bunny ears and Thavnairian stripper clothes, I would have... Like, a lot of money.
In fact, make that happen.
Here's this week's Friday Insider Edition. Enjoy!
One of the biggest problems I run into when telling someone about FFXI comes from explaining the character creation system.
Here it is:
Pick a race, pick a face, and pick a hair.
That's it.
And that's all we needed.
Yes, FFXIV has twelve types of face scars and a boob slider, but you know what? Insane fucking detail isn't really needed when your character is wearing heavy armor 90% of the time.
"But As, you can remove the helmet and show the world your unique face that you created!"
True. But you know who actually pays attention to your face?
You.
Just you.
You are the only one that cares about what color you made your eyes, or that cool cheek scar, or the nautical star tattoo behind your ear.
I guarantee the only thing other people notice about your character are 1) Hair if you're a guy, and 2) Tits if you're a girl. Even then, everyone chooses a black and red hairstyle (guilty as charged), and the biggest tits possible, so they all end up looking the same anyway.
No one is going to comment on how awesome it was that you spent an hour on your character's cheekbones.
In XI, we knew everyone looked alike, but we didn't dwell on it. We just accepted it and murdered shit.
In XIV, you notice that everyone looks different, but you just don't care, because everyone acts the same.
All the guys are assholes, and all the girls are men.
And don't get me started on glamour.
In the end, all the millions of glamour you can pick come down to like, three things that look good.
I'm a part of a FFXIV community on Facebook, and if I had a dollar for every time some dude posted "Hey, check out my new glamour. Whatchu think? ;)" with a picture of their character with bunny ears and Thavnairian stripper clothes, I would have... Like, a lot of money.
In fact, make that happen.
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Master! Master!
I eventually did stop samurai-ing. Yes, it happened. And by "it" I mean "retards".
Retards happened. All over my samurai.
As soon as everyone jumped on the s-train, I got off at the next station: Beastmaster.
And I fucking loved it.
Not only could I control the forces of nature itself, forcing animals to fight their own family probably, but I had an axe.
Anyone even semi-informed on the history of Vikings knows that an axe is right good at shit murdering.
So, axe + pet = shit murdering +1
Of course, like any new job, it took some learning to master even the basics. And beastmaster had a lot of basics. And a lot of dying from mischarms.
Now, beastmaster is basically a solo job. But there were times when I would party. Naturally, people were hesitant. The Brady guide taught us that a beastmaster's pet can lower the party's exp. Oh no!
However, that was only for charmed pets at a higher level than the beastmaster himself, which I had to convince people was the truth, and not just some ploy to hemorrhage exp from their necks . Man, people blindly follow Brady like a Jeebus.
And what they didn't know was that summoned jug pets had no effect on party exp.
There was a lot of teaching to do.
But every party I was in as a beastmaster went awesomely. Even if my pet did use a random AoE skill and die horribly. They eventually fixed that with a patch, which was nice for us. Thank you, SE.
At higher levels, I was soloing murdering shit that other jobs would see and fall into the corner, sobbing and urinating uncontrollably.
Even high level NMs I could solo. Some harder NMs I would duo or trio with other beastmasters.
When my friend Luni became a puppetmaster, we murdered shit together a lot. Very, very effectively.
Eventually, people started jumping on the beastmaster train as well, however this job had an even steeper learning curve than samurai, and the retards were ousted all over the place. There was much rejoicing.
My beastmaster was 99 when I quit, and had a right good double axes for shit murdering, along with some nifty looking AF from the Abyssea areas.
If they add beastmaster to XIV, I'm going to jump on that train and ride it all the way to Awesomeville.
Population: Me.
And you too, I guess.
Retards happened. All over my samurai.
As soon as everyone jumped on the s-train, I got off at the next station: Beastmaster.
And I fucking loved it.
Not only could I control the forces of nature itself, forcing animals to fight their own family probably, but I had an axe.
Anyone even semi-informed on the history of Vikings knows that an axe is right good at shit murdering.
So, axe + pet = shit murdering +1
Of course, like any new job, it took some learning to master even the basics. And beastmaster had a lot of basics. And a lot of dying from mischarms.
Now, beastmaster is basically a solo job. But there were times when I would party. Naturally, people were hesitant. The Brady guide taught us that a beastmaster's pet can lower the party's exp. Oh no!
However, that was only for charmed pets at a higher level than the beastmaster himself, which I had to convince people was the truth, and not just some ploy to hemorrhage exp from their necks . Man, people blindly follow Brady like a Jeebus.
And what they didn't know was that summoned jug pets had no effect on party exp.
There was a lot of teaching to do.
But every party I was in as a beastmaster went awesomely. Even if my pet did use a random AoE skill and die horribly. They eventually fixed that with a patch, which was nice for us. Thank you, SE.
At higher levels, I was soloing murdering shit that other jobs would see and fall into the corner, sobbing and urinating uncontrollably.
Even high level NMs I could solo. Some harder NMs I would duo or trio with other beastmasters.
When my friend Luni became a puppetmaster, we murdered shit together a lot. Very, very effectively.
Eventually, people started jumping on the beastmaster train as well, however this job had an even steeper learning curve than samurai, and the retards were ousted all over the place. There was much rejoicing.
My beastmaster was 99 when I quit, and had a right good double axes for shit murdering, along with some nifty looking AF from the Abyssea areas.
If they add beastmaster to XIV, I'm going to jump on that train and ride it all the way to Awesomeville.
Population: Me.
And you too, I guess.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Sell-Bina
In keeping with the Valkurm Dunes theme of my last posts, I want to bring attention to a special little person.
"Little" because he was a Taru.
I'm funny.
His name was Drowsorez, and he was famous as fuck. Everyone knew who he was. I think even people who just started knew who he was.
For those who don't, Drow was a high level culinarian who would sell food and drinks from his bazaar in Selbina. All the time.
I don't think he ever logged out. Seriously. He was always there.
He even had a Hocho, which was an incredibly expensive and high level ninja weapon which gave + 1 Cooking skill and + ∞ Fuckin' Rad skill.
Drow eventually disappeared, much to the disappointment of everyone ever.
A moment of silence for the poor little guy... Er... Rich little guy.
However, years later, I was leveling some job I never even touched before in the Dunes, and I saw a party member named Sonofdrow.
I asked him if he was Drowsorez, and he confirmed that he was. He actually said he remembered me because quote, "I remember some of my more important patrons, and you were one of the most important." I almost peed. HE told ME I was important!
I liked this kid. If only more people thought this way.
Now, it had been a long standing rumor that at one point, people couldn't buy stuff from his bazaar because his Gil was capped. I just had to know if this was true, so I asked him, to which he replied "I like to let rumors like that remain a secret."
Goddess fucking damn you for being so cool, Drowsorez.
"Little" because he was a Taru.
I'm funny.
His name was Drowsorez, and he was famous as fuck. Everyone knew who he was. I think even people who just started knew who he was.
For those who don't, Drow was a high level culinarian who would sell food and drinks from his bazaar in Selbina. All the time.
I don't think he ever logged out. Seriously. He was always there.
He even had a Hocho, which was an incredibly expensive and high level ninja weapon which gave + 1 Cooking skill and + ∞ Fuckin' Rad skill.
Drow eventually disappeared, much to the disappointment of everyone ever.
A moment of silence for the poor little guy... Er... Rich little guy.
However, years later, I was leveling some job I never even touched before in the Dunes, and I saw a party member named Sonofdrow.
I asked him if he was Drowsorez, and he confirmed that he was. He actually said he remembered me because quote, "I remember some of my more important patrons, and you were one of the most important." I almost peed. HE told ME I was important!
I liked this kid. If only more people thought this way.
Now, it had been a long standing rumor that at one point, people couldn't buy stuff from his bazaar because his Gil was capped. I just had to know if this was true, so I asked him, to which he replied "I like to let rumors like that remain a secret."
Goddess fucking damn you for being so cool, Drowsorez.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Day at the Beach
You know me.
I'm a genuinely nice guy most of the time.
Stop laughing.
Seriously.
The only smiggity-smack I really talk is about Valkurm Dunes.
But not today. I'm going to be a nice guy and tell you about some of the awesome fun my friends and I had at the dunes.
You may or may not be aware of the glitch on the west side of Selbina. I've heard it was only a PS2 glitch, but I couldn't confirm because I didn't have the PC version. This glitch involved moving your character through tree roots to a certain point between two rocks and running at the ocean until you glitch through.
The rest is pure magic.
Your character can run freely underwater between the two beaches around Selbina.
There's even a big glitched open spot where the programmers didn't count on human curiosity/stupidity. It's almost as if they didn't plan on people being there!
Oh, the many hours my friends and I spent running under the waves, looking at the many fish that glitched into the sand, and the occasional shark that would glitch into the sand.
I may have even seen a bird glitch into the sand. Like they do.
My friend Cayerik and I had been bored one day and decided to glitch into the water. We ran from one beach to the other, and spotted a low level party on the shoreline.
That's when inspiration hit.
Like a bolt of lightning to my rectum. But that might have been the booze.
I had the most genius plan ever.
We both ran towards the beach, waved down each party member, and said to them;
"Guys! Help! We were on the ferry from Selbina to Mhaura, and it was sunk by pirates!"
And they freaked out. I'm super cereal, guys.
They were asking what they could do to help, and if they could call a GM, and probably wondering if the Goddess abandoned us. Pretty sure they never went on a boat ride ever again.
We did the sunken ferry thing a few times. Other times we would just walk up on shore and ask which server this was and tell them we walked from Seraph or something.
Or we would just fish. Underwater.
Yeah, we started running out of ideas.
Still had fun, though.
I'm a genuinely nice guy most of the time.
Stop laughing.
Seriously.
The only smiggity-smack I really talk is about Valkurm Dunes.
But not today. I'm going to be a nice guy and tell you about some of the awesome fun my friends and I had at the dunes.
You may or may not be aware of the glitch on the west side of Selbina. I've heard it was only a PS2 glitch, but I couldn't confirm because I didn't have the PC version. This glitch involved moving your character through tree roots to a certain point between two rocks and running at the ocean until you glitch through.
The rest is pure magic.
Your character can run freely underwater between the two beaches around Selbina.
There's even a big glitched open spot where the programmers didn't count on human curiosity/stupidity. It's almost as if they didn't plan on people being there!
Oh, the many hours my friends and I spent running under the waves, looking at the many fish that glitched into the sand, and the occasional shark that would glitch into the sand.
I may have even seen a bird glitch into the sand. Like they do.
My friend Cayerik and I had been bored one day and decided to glitch into the water. We ran from one beach to the other, and spotted a low level party on the shoreline.
That's when inspiration hit.
Like a bolt of lightning to my rectum. But that might have been the booze.
I had the most genius plan ever.
We both ran towards the beach, waved down each party member, and said to them;
"Guys! Help! We were on the ferry from Selbina to Mhaura, and it was sunk by pirates!"
And they freaked out. I'm super cereal, guys.
They were asking what they could do to help, and if they could call a GM, and probably wondering if the Goddess abandoned us. Pretty sure they never went on a boat ride ever again.
We did the sunken ferry thing a few times. Other times we would just walk up on shore and ask which server this was and tell them we walked from Seraph or something.
Or we would just fish. Underwater.
Yeah, we started running out of ideas.
Still had fun, though.
Monday, June 13, 2016
Drunk Gaming
You guys ever play FFXI drunk?
Really?
Could have fooled me. Everyone plays like they're drunk. Or retarded.
Or retardidly drunk.
I used to play drunk, and I was hilarious. At least, from what I remember.
I'm drinking right now, and everything I type is gold.
Fuck sausage boobs.
I still indulge in ones that are cold while I raid in XIV. It's the only way I can get through my alliance not knowing what to do and everyone associating me with Team Retard.
I'm drunk and I can still follow boss mechanics, you losers. Not as drunk as I can be, but as drunk as I have to be.
Back in my Valkrum days, I used to drink. A lot. I used to go in with a job at 11, get blackout drunk, and wake up with a job at 20, all my equipment unequipped, an inventory full of sand, and four people on my blacklist. Also the screams over my speakers somehow.
Still can't forget. The screams... The screams...
But there was this one guy. This one dude that made me look sober. I'm pretty sure he was drunk all the time. He hung out in the Dunes, so I don't blame him.
His name was Buddogweiser. And this guy was a riot.
From what I remember, he was a monk with the typing ability of your modern Tumblr user.
I don't think I understood a single word he said. I'm not sure what was up with him, but everything was misspelled and grammatically incorrect.
But not in an annoying way. I never wanted to punch him in the face or call him a retard.
He was genuinely a really cool guy, and we hung out a lot. Talking nonsense and protecting random parties from goblin trains.
Then he just disappeared. He either quit, or the Dunes finally swallowed him whole like so many n00b hopes and dreams.
If anyone knows what happened to him, direct him to this blog please. I'd like to see that unintelligible jibberish one last time.
Stay thirsty, my friends.
Really?
Could have fooled me. Everyone plays like they're drunk. Or retarded.
Or retardidly drunk.
I used to play drunk, and I was hilarious. At least, from what I remember.
I'm drinking right now, and everything I type is gold.
Fuck sausage boobs.
I still indulge in ones that are cold while I raid in XIV. It's the only way I can get through my alliance not knowing what to do and everyone associating me with Team Retard.
I'm drunk and I can still follow boss mechanics, you losers. Not as drunk as I can be, but as drunk as I have to be.
Back in my Valkrum days, I used to drink. A lot. I used to go in with a job at 11, get blackout drunk, and wake up with a job at 20, all my equipment unequipped, an inventory full of sand, and four people on my blacklist. Also the screams over my speakers somehow.
Still can't forget. The screams... The screams...
But there was this one guy. This one dude that made me look sober. I'm pretty sure he was drunk all the time. He hung out in the Dunes, so I don't blame him.
His name was Buddogweiser. And this guy was a riot.
From what I remember, he was a monk with the typing ability of your modern Tumblr user.
I don't think I understood a single word he said. I'm not sure what was up with him, but everything was misspelled and grammatically incorrect.
But not in an annoying way. I never wanted to punch him in the face or call him a retard.
He was genuinely a really cool guy, and we hung out a lot. Talking nonsense and protecting random parties from goblin trains.
Then he just disappeared. He either quit, or the Dunes finally swallowed him whole like so many n00b hopes and dreams.
If anyone knows what happened to him, direct him to this blog please. I'd like to see that unintelligible jibberish one last time.
Stay thirsty, my friends.
Friday, June 10, 2016
It's Friday, Friday
Happy Friday, everyone! We made it through the week! [Congratulations!]
So, as a special treat, I will be introducing my Friday Insider Editions.
Information from the inside... Of the game, I guess.
Tune in every Friday while I bitch about something either XI or XIV related, and watch as nothing changes.
This week? Gil sellers!
Why are people still complaining about them?
Just blacklist or ignore them when they send you a /tell. Just like that guy who wants to be your ingame bf rawr XD.
They're not hurting anyone. Sure, they're annoying as fuck, but that's about all they do.
"But As, they mess with the game's balance and increase prices!"
No, retards who buy the money do, not the Gil sellers themselves. They're not forcing you to buy Gil. And contrary to popular belief, they do not manipulate the Auction House/Marketboard.
That is the result of people with too much Gil being assholes. I've seen it firsthand.
Dirty ol' buttholes, they are.
"But As, they're always camping NMs! We regular folk don't even get a chance!"
I guess you have a valid point. Except that I, myself, retard that I am, have out-camped Gil sellers on several occasions without even trying. So just try a little harder than me, and you'll end up on top.
And by the way, Gil sellers wouldn't be camping your precious NMs if people weren't buying Gil, so you can go fudge yourself.
If people didn't buy Gil, there wouldn't be any Gil sellers. End of story.
Stop buying Gil, you fucking retards.
So, as a special treat, I will be introducing my Friday Insider Editions.
Information from the inside... Of the game, I guess.
Tune in every Friday while I bitch about something either XI or XIV related, and watch as nothing changes.
This week? Gil sellers!
Why are people still complaining about them?
Just blacklist or ignore them when they send you a /tell. Just like that guy who wants to be your ingame bf rawr XD.
They're not hurting anyone. Sure, they're annoying as fuck, but that's about all they do.
"But As, they mess with the game's balance and increase prices!"
No, retards who buy the money do, not the Gil sellers themselves. They're not forcing you to buy Gil. And contrary to popular belief, they do not manipulate the Auction House/Marketboard.
That is the result of people with too much Gil being assholes. I've seen it firsthand.
Dirty ol' buttholes, they are.
"But As, they're always camping NMs! We regular folk don't even get a chance!"
I guess you have a valid point. Except that I, myself, retard that I am, have out-camped Gil sellers on several occasions without even trying. So just try a little harder than me, and you'll end up on top.
And by the way, Gil sellers wouldn't be camping your precious NMs if people weren't buying Gil, so you can go fudge yourself.
If people didn't buy Gil, there wouldn't be any Gil sellers. End of story.
Stop buying Gil, you fucking retards.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Eph Eph Ecks Eye Vee
If anyone cares, stop.
Stop caring.
I'm on Diabolos server. Come find me. Asrail Zietgiest.
I might even let ya touch me bum.
Ladies.
Stop caring.
I'm on Diabolos server. Come find me. Asrail Zietgiest.
I might even let ya touch me bum.
Ladies.
Sky's the Limit
My first time in Sky?
I dunno, man. Why you asking me all these questions?
I unlocked Sky a bit late in the game.
I believe it was a while after CoP came out, and everyone else was busy doing Sea and stuff. Fuckin' losers.
Guess it wasn't THAT late. People were still actively farming and there were plenty of Linkshells to join. One of which was EmnityLS, ran by a long time friend of mine Blksnk. He was too cool for vowels.
He taught me all there was to know about Sky. I learned about Despot, and Ullikummi, and Faust, and Steam Cleaner, and some other stupid name thing, and the fact Dragoons weren't welcome in sky.
But I was. Because I was a samurai who knew how to do my job! Also, I had a Hagun, so that helped.
It was right good at shit murdering.
And boy, did we murder shit. If I remember correctly, we farmed pop items Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and killed gods Saturday. They also had some stupid rule about points. You got points for showing up to help farm, and you spent points on god drops, which you could only do if you attended 2/3 of the farming runs.
Because of my living situation at the time, I wasn't able to play as much as I used to, so I would miss out on spending points a lot, which kinda turned me off to the whole Sky farming thing.
I loved the area, don't get me wrong. But it started seeming like a job, which wasn't fun to me.
It might be fun for other people, I dunno. But I just wanted to enjoy Sky. It was an amazingly crafted area.
So much shit to murder.
After I got a few god drops, I quit the Linkshell and went solo, murdering at my own pace. I couldn't do a whole lot in the area by myself, the monsters being infinity level and all, but that didn't matter.
Fun is what matters. Have fun!
I dunno, man. Why you asking me all these questions?
I unlocked Sky a bit late in the game.
I believe it was a while after CoP came out, and everyone else was busy doing Sea and stuff. Fuckin' losers.
Guess it wasn't THAT late. People were still actively farming and there were plenty of Linkshells to join. One of which was EmnityLS, ran by a long time friend of mine Blksnk. He was too cool for vowels.
He taught me all there was to know about Sky. I learned about Despot, and Ullikummi, and Faust, and Steam Cleaner, and some other stupid name thing, and the fact Dragoons weren't welcome in sky.
But I was. Because I was a samurai who knew how to do my job! Also, I had a Hagun, so that helped.
It was right good at shit murdering.
And boy, did we murder shit. If I remember correctly, we farmed pop items Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and killed gods Saturday. They also had some stupid rule about points. You got points for showing up to help farm, and you spent points on god drops, which you could only do if you attended 2/3 of the farming runs.
Because of my living situation at the time, I wasn't able to play as much as I used to, so I would miss out on spending points a lot, which kinda turned me off to the whole Sky farming thing.
I loved the area, don't get me wrong. But it started seeming like a job, which wasn't fun to me.
It might be fun for other people, I dunno. But I just wanted to enjoy Sky. It was an amazingly crafted area.
So much shit to murder.
After I got a few god drops, I quit the Linkshell and went solo, murdering at my own pace. I couldn't do a whole lot in the area by myself, the monsters being infinity level and all, but that didn't matter.
Fun is what matters. Have fun!
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
The Second to Last Samurai
After leveling through Kazham, and learning the super secret way to Norg that I actually memorized for some reason, I had acquired the quest to become a samurai.
I would be traveling the world, trading ore to get different ore, and a branch to get a different branch.
You know, basic samurai stuff.
My first task was to head over to a cave in the Konschtat Highlands and trade a piece of crap to a spot in order to summon a bomb that dropped the stuff needed to forge my weapon.
There just happened to be a dude there who had just finished the fight, so I asked for assistance, and he was nice enough to kill the bomb with me. This was shaping up to be a great day!
Next, I had to head over to the Sanctuary of Zi'tah and trade a branch to some spot and kill a big ass walking tree to get another branch. Simple enough.
Knowing the tree would be much more difficult than the bomb, I went to the Sanctuary and shouted for help. I got no response for an hour.
My plan B was to head over to Jeuno and try to find a brave soul willing to fight by my side. I shouted for help.
And I got no response for an hour.
Despite Jeuno being the central hub of the entire continent, with massive amounts of players hanging out forever, no one would help me kill this fucking tree.
I decided that face to face contact would be preferable to anonymous shouting, so I went searching for the fiercest warriors in the realm.
No one would help me kill this thing.
Then I spotted them. Two brave Elvaan, a Dragoon and a Dark Knight in full AF gear, sitting around looking like they could use a good murder to liven up their day.
I approached them and asked if they would like to help a new(ish) player unlock his first advanced job, writing their names in the annals of time for their contribution to my cause.
They asked for 10,000g apiece because they were quote "Tired of helping people for free."
The fuck, guys? Gil was hard enough to make yourself back then, and 20,000 seemed impossible for someone with a level 30 warrior without turning to prostitution.
And I'll be damned if a Galka named Tiny wants to meet up in my mog house later.
We eventually settled on 10k because that's fair I guess, and we made short work of the tree because anything is easy when you have two people who are level infinity.
I death warped to Norg because I was smart and set my home point there, and I turned in the items, and a day later, I was murdering shit with my new great katana.
The shit murdering was fun.
Like, really fun.
As I leveled up, I found that I really liked samurai. In fact, I fucking loved samurai.
After a while, I didn't care about becoming a Dragoon. All I wanted to do was katana-murder shit. And this was back when being a samurai wasn't popular.
Yes, there was a time when samurai wasn't popular.
When I mention that, people tell me "Samurai has always been cool." Well, yeah, katanas are cool, and will probably always be cool. But believe it or not, there was a time when no one was a samurai.
If you did a quick search of Bismarck server, you would probably see five full-time samurai, including me. I don't think I even saw another samurai until I was level 50 or so. I'm not bragging. People just seem to forget that samurai was an unpopular job at one point because now, everyone is a self proclaimed "samurai master."
But that is the way of the world.
When you find something you love, retards will ruin it for you.
However, the droves of bumbling bushido did not deter me from samurai. Oh no. In fact, it made me try harder. Because no matter which class you are, there's a right way and a wrong way to play, and I was determined to set myself apart from the shitty players. And you know what? It worked.
People on the server knew me as a good samurai. I was right good at killing shit, but not good at knowing how to end a blog post.
I would like a beer.
And I'll be damned if a Galka named Tiny wants to meet up in my mog house later.
We eventually settled on 10k because that's fair I guess, and we made short work of the tree because anything is easy when you have two people who are level infinity.
I death warped to Norg because I was smart and set my home point there, and I turned in the items, and a day later, I was murdering shit with my new great katana.
The shit murdering was fun.
Like, really fun.
As I leveled up, I found that I really liked samurai. In fact, I fucking loved samurai.
After a while, I didn't care about becoming a Dragoon. All I wanted to do was katana-murder shit. And this was back when being a samurai wasn't popular.
Yes, there was a time when samurai wasn't popular.
When I mention that, people tell me "Samurai has always been cool." Well, yeah, katanas are cool, and will probably always be cool. But believe it or not, there was a time when no one was a samurai.
If you did a quick search of Bismarck server, you would probably see five full-time samurai, including me. I don't think I even saw another samurai until I was level 50 or so. I'm not bragging. People just seem to forget that samurai was an unpopular job at one point because now, everyone is a self proclaimed "samurai master."
But that is the way of the world.
When you find something you love, retards will ruin it for you.
However, the droves of bumbling bushido did not deter me from samurai. Oh no. In fact, it made me try harder. Because no matter which class you are, there's a right way and a wrong way to play, and I was determined to set myself apart from the shitty players. And you know what? It worked.
People on the server knew me as a good samurai. I was right good at killing shit, but not good at knowing how to end a blog post.
I would like a beer.
Beer me.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
The Keys to My Heart
After Valkurm and a quick stint in Qufim Island outside of Jeuno, I learned that the only place to go from there was Kazham, which could only be accessed by collecting 3 keys and trading them for an airship pass.
Makes sense.
Last time I booked a flight with American Airlines, I was given the option to pay with cash, credit card, or car keys stolen from my neighbors, so I was not unfamiliar with this concept.
My ol' buddy Manaseph was more than willing to help, and once he set his sub job to White Mage for the benefit of healing, we were off!
I don't quite remember much about the Yagudo and Orc keys. Those went off without incident. We even managed to kill a few NMs while key hunting. Neat!
However, the Quadav key was... Fun, to say the least.
We went deep into Palborough Mines, murdering any Quadav that were foolish enough to pick a fight with us. Even with Manaseph's level being in the low 30's, the Quadav put up a good fight. But in the end, they succumbed to death by stabbitty-stab. Shit was very much getting stabbitty'd here.
None of the monsters we were killing were dropping keys, so we decided to go deeper.
Now, the deeper area of Palborough Mines is defiantly not the easiest to navigate, even with a map. There are a lot of blocked areas and gates that force you to take the long way around. So when we started seeing the higher level Quadav that had a greater chance of dropping the keys, we got a bit excited. So excited, that Manaseph started casting Dia on anything he would see, regardless of weather or not it was behind said gate.
For those of you who play, you know where this is going.
For those of you that do not:
Death. It's always death.
You see, Dia can be cast through gates, however the enemy cannot move through, because it's a fucking gate.
So they chase after you, taking the longest way around possible. Sometimes you forget about them, like we did.
Until they return. With their buddies. Millions of them.
I'm pretty sure we linked every Quadav in the area, all of which proceeded to destroy the fuck out of us in one swift tidal wave of turtle ass. Thanks, bro.
We did go back and get a key, along with a few other people who were key hunting as well, so in the end, it was a great/painful learning experience that we would eventually go back and do for fun when we weren't squishy bags of pudding.
I would always pull that trick when I agreed to help friends get Kazham keys.
The look on their faces was always priceless.
Sometimes lifeless.
Most often lifeless. But I found it funny.
And in the end, isn't that what really matters?
Makes sense.
Last time I booked a flight with American Airlines, I was given the option to pay with cash, credit card, or car keys stolen from my neighbors, so I was not unfamiliar with this concept.
My ol' buddy Manaseph was more than willing to help, and once he set his sub job to White Mage for the benefit of healing, we were off!
I don't quite remember much about the Yagudo and Orc keys. Those went off without incident. We even managed to kill a few NMs while key hunting. Neat!
However, the Quadav key was... Fun, to say the least.
We went deep into Palborough Mines, murdering any Quadav that were foolish enough to pick a fight with us. Even with Manaseph's level being in the low 30's, the Quadav put up a good fight. But in the end, they succumbed to death by stabbitty-stab. Shit was very much getting stabbitty'd here.
None of the monsters we were killing were dropping keys, so we decided to go deeper.
Now, the deeper area of Palborough Mines is defiantly not the easiest to navigate, even with a map. There are a lot of blocked areas and gates that force you to take the long way around. So when we started seeing the higher level Quadav that had a greater chance of dropping the keys, we got a bit excited. So excited, that Manaseph started casting Dia on anything he would see, regardless of weather or not it was behind said gate.
For those of you who play, you know where this is going.
For those of you that do not:
Death. It's always death.
You see, Dia can be cast through gates, however the enemy cannot move through, because it's a fucking gate.
So they chase after you, taking the longest way around possible. Sometimes you forget about them, like we did.
Until they return. With their buddies. Millions of them.
I'm pretty sure we linked every Quadav in the area, all of which proceeded to destroy the fuck out of us in one swift tidal wave of turtle ass. Thanks, bro.
We did go back and get a key, along with a few other people who were key hunting as well, so in the end, it was a great/painful learning experience that we would eventually go back and do for fun when we weren't squishy bags of pudding.
I would always pull that trick when I agreed to help friends get Kazham keys.
The look on their faces was always priceless.
Sometimes lifeless.
Most often lifeless. But I found it funny.
And in the end, isn't that what really matters?
Monday, June 6, 2016
Jobs Galore / Valkurm Dunes Sucks
Despite what you may think from my first post, I didn't just randomly get thrown into FFXI.
Oh no.
I'm just a wee bit offended, guys.
I did a little bit (read: a fuckton bookoo assload) of research.
How ever, back in the early 2000's, I was one of the only kids that didn't have internet. Or a computer for that matter.
So what did I rely on for my studies?
That's right, kids.
Look at that magnificent son of a bitch.
A true marvel of human stupidity.
I didn't know it at the time, but the plethora of information contained within this pliable pamphlet would shape the way I viewed everything about the game. For better or worse.
Mostly worse.
I read it cover to cover during classes in high school. This was my bible. Brady was my God, blessed be his name. Allahu Akbrady.
I read about all the places I could visit. All the quests. All the monsters I could fight. All the jobs.
Sweet Brady of Games, the jobs. Millions of them. Advanced jobs. Sub jobs. Part-time jobs. Hand jobs. My head was spinning. I read each description carefully, despite the fact that when Brady was writing this guide, he decided after all was said and done to throw up his arms and yell "Fuck it!" while he dragged his ass cheeks across each page while rubbing money on his seven nipples.
But nonetheless, I carefully weighed the pros and retarded cons of each combination of jobs that were written out for me.
Pretty sure I gave more thought to what I would be in this fucking game than what I would do after high school.
When I first saw the picture of a Samurai woman in her underwear with a big ass katana killing a red bird, I was like "Yes. I want to be this." Everything about that job appealed to me. Murdering shit while quickly building TP to murder said shit even faster.
Yes. Shit murdering was fun.
But then I read what Brady had written about the job combinations. Apparantly Dragoon/Samurai was a fucknipple ton better at shit murdering. Also, you got a pet dragon to help with the murdering of shit!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I decided, even before I got the game, that Dragoon/Samurai was the path I would walk. This meant leveling Samurai high enough to be a viable sub job forever, then unlocking Dragoon and leveling that forever. Manaseph advised me it would take a long time, but I was determined to be the best Dragoon/Samurai on the server.
Ever.
As many of you know, the weapon of choice for any intelligent Dragoon is the spear. A strong weapon for the strongest of sexy.
So naturally, once the game was in my possession and the addiction was fused to my soul, I decided to level my polearm skill ahead of time with my warrior.
It seemed to be going well.
Penis monsters were dropping faster than I can shake a wiener pun at. Goblins rued the day they ever stabbed my butthole. Quadav were... Dying a lot.
The polearm was strong. And all was right with the world.
Until I reached level 10.
Everyone who played back then just let out the biggest sigh and probably had Vietnam-style flashbacks.
For those of you that don't know, leveling solo slowed way down once you hit level 10, and monsters stopped being easy to kill. They jumped waaay up in difficulty and the only viable way to level from then on was to form parties with random people and work together as a unit, using the knowledge they have gained of their respective jobs to defeat anything that stands in their path.
Everyone who played back then is now laughing.
Valkurm Dunes was where teamwork went to die. This is where YOU learned and grew as a person, but everyone else just got stupider and stupider in their desperation to fill party slots.
Red Mage tank? Sure! Black Mage Healer? Why the fuck not. One healer and 5 DD agreeing to "bounce hate around"? This will work.
My very first party in the dunes, I had no idea what I was doing. I went in, spear in hand, the bloodlust twinkling in my eye, and was promptly asked if I had a shield and sword because I was going to be tanking.
Calmly, but firmly, I explained my plan to eventually become a Dragoon, so I was taking the intelligent approach to raise my polearm skill now instead of dealing par damage once I unlocked my new job, you fucking morons.
I was kicked from the party.
But luckily, warriors are welcome in any party, and I was picked up rather quickly.
Yes. I could finally use my polearm to raise the skill that would eventually make me a master of my future-
What's that you say? A greatsword? No I don't have a greatsword. I'm trying to skill up polearm for when I unlock Drago-
So I was lent a greatsword and watched as my character dealt 0's and misses, with the occasional critical hit for 1 damage.
Woohoo.
And all the while, the party was telling me I should go back and skill up greatsword because it's sooooo much better.
Fuck everyone.
After that party was over, I had barely got past level 14 and was beginning to get exasperated when I was invited to another party. Right off the bat, I let them know I was skilling up polearm for the future dragon tamer that I was. They all said it was cool.
Wait. Really? I actually get to do what I want? And everyone's okay with it?
I think my character jumped up in the air and clicked his heels together.
So I ran to the beach where my new party was to find 7 people huddled in the corner. I asked who these two guys in the awesome armor were, and was educated on what a Power Leveler was.
This party was going to let me skill up polearm, and had not one, but TWO PL's?
I cried a little. And laughed a lot as I murdered pugils and goblins.
It was glorious.
Two from the party, Selenas and Billiam, I remained friends with for a long time until we lost touch with each other over the years. Guys, if you're still out there somewhere, drop me a line. Would love to talk to you again.
Eventually, I made it out of the dunes alive, only to go back there once Manaseph helped me unlock my sub job.
The second time, I was ready. I was fucking rocking MNK/WAR and punching bitches in the face. Good times were had by all.
Except the bitches.
They got punched.
Oh no.
I'm just a wee bit offended, guys.
I did a little bit (read: a fuckton bookoo assload) of research.
How ever, back in the early 2000's, I was one of the only kids that didn't have internet. Or a computer for that matter.
So what did I rely on for my studies?
That's right, kids.
Look at that magnificent son of a bitch.
A true marvel of human stupidity.
I didn't know it at the time, but the plethora of information contained within this pliable pamphlet would shape the way I viewed everything about the game. For better or worse.
Mostly worse.
I read it cover to cover during classes in high school. This was my bible. Brady was my God, blessed be his name. Allahu Akbrady.
I read about all the places I could visit. All the quests. All the monsters I could fight. All the jobs.
Sweet Brady of Games, the jobs. Millions of them. Advanced jobs. Sub jobs. Part-time jobs. Hand jobs. My head was spinning. I read each description carefully, despite the fact that when Brady was writing this guide, he decided after all was said and done to throw up his arms and yell "Fuck it!" while he dragged his ass cheeks across each page while rubbing money on his seven nipples.
But nonetheless, I carefully weighed the pros and retarded cons of each combination of jobs that were written out for me.
Pretty sure I gave more thought to what I would be in this fucking game than what I would do after high school.
When I first saw the picture of a Samurai woman in her underwear with a big ass katana killing a red bird, I was like "Yes. I want to be this." Everything about that job appealed to me. Murdering shit while quickly building TP to murder said shit even faster.
Yes. Shit murdering was fun.
But then I read what Brady had written about the job combinations. Apparantly Dragoon/Samurai was a fucknipple ton better at shit murdering. Also, you got a pet dragon to help with the murdering of shit!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I decided, even before I got the game, that Dragoon/Samurai was the path I would walk. This meant leveling Samurai high enough to be a viable sub job forever, then unlocking Dragoon and leveling that forever. Manaseph advised me it would take a long time, but I was determined to be the best Dragoon/Samurai on the server.
Ever.
As many of you know, the weapon of choice for any intelligent Dragoon is the spear. A strong weapon for the strongest of sexy.
So naturally, once the game was in my possession and the addiction was fused to my soul, I decided to level my polearm skill ahead of time with my warrior.
It seemed to be going well.
Penis monsters were dropping faster than I can shake a wiener pun at. Goblins rued the day they ever stabbed my butthole. Quadav were... Dying a lot.
The polearm was strong. And all was right with the world.
Until I reached level 10.
Everyone who played back then just let out the biggest sigh and probably had Vietnam-style flashbacks.
For those of you that don't know, leveling solo slowed way down once you hit level 10, and monsters stopped being easy to kill. They jumped waaay up in difficulty and the only viable way to level from then on was to form parties with random people and work together as a unit, using the knowledge they have gained of their respective jobs to defeat anything that stands in their path.
Everyone who played back then is now laughing.
Valkurm Dunes was where teamwork went to die. This is where YOU learned and grew as a person, but everyone else just got stupider and stupider in their desperation to fill party slots.
Red Mage tank? Sure! Black Mage Healer? Why the fuck not. One healer and 5 DD agreeing to "bounce hate around"? This will work.
My very first party in the dunes, I had no idea what I was doing. I went in, spear in hand, the bloodlust twinkling in my eye, and was promptly asked if I had a shield and sword because I was going to be tanking.
Calmly, but firmly, I explained my plan to eventually become a Dragoon, so I was taking the intelligent approach to raise my polearm skill now instead of dealing par damage once I unlocked my new job, you fucking morons.
I was kicked from the party.
But luckily, warriors are welcome in any party, and I was picked up rather quickly.
Yes. I could finally use my polearm to raise the skill that would eventually make me a master of my future-
What's that you say? A greatsword? No I don't have a greatsword. I'm trying to skill up polearm for when I unlock Drago-
So I was lent a greatsword and watched as my character dealt 0's and misses, with the occasional critical hit for 1 damage.
Woohoo.
And all the while, the party was telling me I should go back and skill up greatsword because it's sooooo much better.
Fuck everyone.
After that party was over, I had barely got past level 14 and was beginning to get exasperated when I was invited to another party. Right off the bat, I let them know I was skilling up polearm for the future dragon tamer that I was. They all said it was cool.
Wait. Really? I actually get to do what I want? And everyone's okay with it?
I think my character jumped up in the air and clicked his heels together.
So I ran to the beach where my new party was to find 7 people huddled in the corner. I asked who these two guys in the awesome armor were, and was educated on what a Power Leveler was.
This party was going to let me skill up polearm, and had not one, but TWO PL's?
I cried a little. And laughed a lot as I murdered pugils and goblins.
It was glorious.
Two from the party, Selenas and Billiam, I remained friends with for a long time until we lost touch with each other over the years. Guys, if you're still out there somewhere, drop me a line. Would love to talk to you again.
Eventually, I made it out of the dunes alive, only to go back there once Manaseph helped me unlock my sub job.
The second time, I was ready. I was fucking rocking MNK/WAR and punching bitches in the face. Good times were had by all.
Except the bitches.
They got punched.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
An Introduction Is In Order
Oh, hello there! I didn't see you come in.
Please, sit down.
Would you like some cake?
Did you bring some cake?
Next time, bring cake.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why is this guy writing about stuff that happened in a crappy game that was released 14 years ago?"
Just shut up and listen. I have my reasons.
Gawd.
Mainly, I am making this blog to sort of preserve the memories I have gained over the course of playing. 10 years of playing. I made a shit ton of memories with an even shittier ton of friends, so if your name happens to pop up on here, drop me a line, bitch. We'll catch up.
When this game first came out, it was amazing. I was hooked. I played that shit literally all day. And I use 'literally' literally.
I woke up in the morning and played. I fell asleep playing. I only stopped playing for food and the occasional poop.
Always with the pooping.
I think I forgot what the sun looked like at one point.
Oh and the parents. I had parents I think. I might have seen them between parties.
I'm currently playing FFXIV, but it lacks something that FFXI had.
It's an awesome game, don't get me wrong. But there's something missing. Everyone I talk to seems to think the same, but we can't quite put our fingers on it.
Finger it, if you will.
Can't finger that shit.
I'm hoping to discover what it might be by sharing the memories I had here.
So, a little background.
I hadn't really played MMORPGs before I got into FFXI. I played Phantasy Star Online for Dreamcast, and I was hooked on that shit as well. Ranger for lyfe, wurd yolo.
Hollywood Video had the PS2 version for sale around Christmas time in 2004. The game had been around North America for over a year then, and a high school friend of mine, Manaseph, had been going on and on about it so I decided to give it a try.
By "try" I mean instant hardcore intravenous addiction. Drug PSAs did not prepare me for this. The Brady guide did not prepare me for this.
This game was huge. PSO had got me used to the whole lobby thing, so an open world online game was very new to me.
I could actually do things!
Like run North forever!
My first memories were starting out as a warrior in Bastok. Sprinting out of the gate, sword in hand, fighting worms. Auto-attack was new to me as well, so my first fight consisted of me yelling "Get him! Fuck him up!" at the screen as my character swung aimlessly at a very phallic mass of pixels, and screaming "Fucking shit!" as a goblin opened up another asshole in my chest area.
Good times.
I remember this person named Goldflare. She would always stand under a tree with her bazaar open selling stuff I couldn't afford. I would always wave, and she would always wave back.
Even as a n00b, the ladies couldn't resist me.
Starting off, I didn't have a keyboard, so my communication was limited to macros that I didn't know how to use, and the onscreen keyboard, which worked as well as Caitlyn Jenner's vagina.
Talking to people online wasn't anything I had experience with, so when I did type, it would be something retarded like "Falafel" or "Gorbachev" and I thought that was soooooooooo lol.
Everyone probably thought I was mentally handicapped.
Or a WoW player.
Same thing, basically.
When I did finally get a keyboard, it opened up a whole new world of retardation. Mainly, because I was unfamiliar with the / commands, so everything was in /say. Including the information about me having to shit or letting someone know how my penis was doing at that moment.
To this day, I'm pretty sure I was the sole reason Japanese players hated Americans.
That and the penis sizes.
/say NA penis is bigger lol
There are a ton of memories to go through, so I will post everything as I remember it.
If you have any questions or comments, please send them my way.
If not, fuck you, share my blog.
Please, sit down.
Would you like some cake?
Did you bring some cake?
Next time, bring cake.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why is this guy writing about stuff that happened in a crappy game that was released 14 years ago?"
Just shut up and listen. I have my reasons.
Gawd.
Mainly, I am making this blog to sort of preserve the memories I have gained over the course of playing. 10 years of playing. I made a shit ton of memories with an even shittier ton of friends, so if your name happens to pop up on here, drop me a line, bitch. We'll catch up.
When this game first came out, it was amazing. I was hooked. I played that shit literally all day. And I use 'literally' literally.
I woke up in the morning and played. I fell asleep playing. I only stopped playing for food and the occasional poop.
Always with the pooping.
I think I forgot what the sun looked like at one point.
Oh and the parents. I had parents I think. I might have seen them between parties.
I'm currently playing FFXIV, but it lacks something that FFXI had.
It's an awesome game, don't get me wrong. But there's something missing. Everyone I talk to seems to think the same, but we can't quite put our fingers on it.
Finger it, if you will.
Can't finger that shit.
I'm hoping to discover what it might be by sharing the memories I had here.
So, a little background.
I hadn't really played MMORPGs before I got into FFXI. I played Phantasy Star Online for Dreamcast, and I was hooked on that shit as well. Ranger for lyfe, wurd yolo.
Hollywood Video had the PS2 version for sale around Christmas time in 2004. The game had been around North America for over a year then, and a high school friend of mine, Manaseph, had been going on and on about it so I decided to give it a try.
By "try" I mean instant hardcore intravenous addiction. Drug PSAs did not prepare me for this. The Brady guide did not prepare me for this.
This game was huge. PSO had got me used to the whole lobby thing, so an open world online game was very new to me.
I could actually do things!
Like run North forever!
My first memories were starting out as a warrior in Bastok. Sprinting out of the gate, sword in hand, fighting worms. Auto-attack was new to me as well, so my first fight consisted of me yelling "Get him! Fuck him up!" at the screen as my character swung aimlessly at a very phallic mass of pixels, and screaming "Fucking shit!" as a goblin opened up another asshole in my chest area.
Good times.
I remember this person named Goldflare. She would always stand under a tree with her bazaar open selling stuff I couldn't afford. I would always wave, and she would always wave back.
Even as a n00b, the ladies couldn't resist me.
Starting off, I didn't have a keyboard, so my communication was limited to macros that I didn't know how to use, and the onscreen keyboard, which worked as well as Caitlyn Jenner's vagina.
Talking to people online wasn't anything I had experience with, so when I did type, it would be something retarded like "Falafel" or "Gorbachev" and I thought that was soooooooooo lol.
Everyone probably thought I was mentally handicapped.
Or a WoW player.
Same thing, basically.
When I did finally get a keyboard, it opened up a whole new world of retardation. Mainly, because I was unfamiliar with the / commands, so everything was in /say. Including the information about me having to shit or letting someone know how my penis was doing at that moment.
To this day, I'm pretty sure I was the sole reason Japanese players hated Americans.
That and the penis sizes.
/say NA penis is bigger lol
There are a ton of memories to go through, so I will post everything as I remember it.
If you have any questions or comments, please send them my way.
If not, fuck you, share my blog.
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