This is Just a Tribune V

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! We're back at it again with another hilarious Tribune review! What do we have in store this time?

None other than the big bad wolf himself, the ferocious Fenrir. I'm scared already.

"That we can now live here in peace...under the blessed shadow of the Great Star Tree...is all thanks to the great hero, Karaha-Baruha...!" Perhaps you have met the wizened Tarutaru named Zayhi-Bauhi while walking through Windurst Walls. He is known throughout the city for his constant speeches praising the great hero of Windurst. Since the end of the Great War, much has been said about the heroism of Karaha-Baruha. Zayhi-Bauhi wanted to speak with a reporter to clarify the story. Dispensing with formalities, he got right down to business. "Listen up. Twenty years ago was right in the middle of that awful war," he said. "At that time, I had just graduated from the beginners class at the School of Magic. I could barely cast a fishing line, let alone a combat spell. Nevertheless, I volunteered to join the guards at Odin's Gate in Windurst Waters to help protect the city. "Even now, I still see it in my dreams. It was the night of the Siege of Sarutabaruta. My Caster Company was in the gate's lookout tower, preparing for battle. The magical barrier on the gate was Windurst's last line of defense from the teeming hordes below. We looked out over our doom; countless beastmen, and Goddess knows what else, covered the land as far as the eye could see..." In the middle of the war, while the majority of the allied forces were massed on the front lines, the Shadow Lord assembled thirty thousand of his best troops to put an end to the threat posed by the Combat Casters. Standing against those thirty thousand was the city guard of Windurst, who numbered less than a thousand--including Cardians. It was as obvious as a Yagudo campfire on a moonless night that the city was about to fall. He continued. "It was a face-off at Odin's Gate. Orders came from the division commander to our Caster Captain: 'Hold them off.' That was all. "The monstrous horde was bathed in the pale glow of the moon. Only a miracle would bring us through to see another dawn. Terror gripped my body and I lost my footing, tumbling down before the beastmen set against us... "I doubled over in pain. All I could hear were the metallic scrapes of swords being pulled from their scabbards and the blood-curdling cries of the advancing beastmen. They had seen me fall and were approaching fast. "The monsters rushed towards me like a wave in a storm, unconcerned with the spells raining down upon them. "I was doomed. But at the very moment I gave up all hope, there was a flash of light and a soul-shaking howl that resounded over the plains of Sarutabaruta! "I looked up to see a shaft of divine light stretching from the top of the magic tower toward the full moon that hung in the sky. "That's right! It was the great hero, Karaha-Baruha! He was summoning! It was an enormous beast! Right there! Above the tower! "And the battle took a tremendous turn! Each swing of the beast's mighty forelegs sent dozens of beastmen flying! The magic emanating from his immense body vaporized hundreds more! "Before we even realized what was happening, the beastmen were turning tail and fleeing. The humongous beast had broken both their ranks and their morale, and now he was hunting down those that had breached the gates to the city. Then, as suddenly as he had come, he flew off. It all happened in the blink of an eye," he said. The old man has likely embellished the story somewhat. But the miracle of Karaha-Baruha is well recorded in history books; it is not the subject of question or doubt. The story continued: "I was the closest to that great beast. Nobody got a better look! It's burned into my mind as sure as the Star Tree is! Even now, I can close my eyes and go back in time, seeing that magnificent creature bathed in the soft glow of the full moon, looking for all the world like the noblest of wolves. "Now listen good, 'cause I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. "I heard the hero Karaha-Baruha's voice when he summoned that glorious beast. "`You've done well in holding them off. Leave the rest to my servant, Fenrir,' he said. "Yes! That great creature was called FENRIR! Fenrir... I haven't said that name in twenty years." It is said that Karaha-Baruha gave his life to summon the enormous beast. So Zayhi-Bauhi is torn between love and hate for Fenrir. Perhaps this is why he kept the name locked within his heart for two decades. But why did he want to tell the whole story now? His answer: "Why not? It is my life's work to let the world know the greatness of Karaha-Baruha. "More and more adventurers are following in the footsteps of the great hero. That is a good thing, to be sure. But I cannot tolerate the constant and baseless rumors that we will soon see the rise of a hero greater than Karaha-Baruha. "The great hero is Karaha-Baruha and he alone! If you doubt that, just ask yourself, how many people have summoned Fenrir since that day? Not a single darn one!" Zayhi-Bauhi's story of Karaha-Baruha and the name Fenrir will surely spread across the world, and one day Fenrir's name will appear beside that of Karaha-Baruha in history books. "Let the name of the great hero, Karaha-Baruha, not be forgotten! May we exalt the names of Karaha-Baruha and Fenrir on high!" Ainworth

Now, I distinctly remember beating the stuffing out of Fenrir with nothing but a Carbuncle, so his presence no longer terrifies me.

I also remember him being a worthless summon, and more of a status symbol than fearsome harbinger Ragnarok. Still unsure as to why everyone poops their britches over this guy when Diabolos is obviously the superior avatar.

"My big sister says I can't come home until everrrything is sold." A sign like that would compel almost anyone to buy--and that's just what a Mithra named Ixl is banking on. She's posted this plea at her store outside Impromptu street bazaars often spring up on busy pedestrian avenues. Unlike the sellers at the auction house, those doing business in the bazaar have the opportunity to distinguish themselves by creating memorable signs. While many signs are simple and straightforward, saying things like "Welcome" and "Now taking orders," others are adorned with pictures. Proprietors don't always keep their signs updated to reflect their wares, however. I found one store billing itself as "The Fish Emporium," even though its stock consisted entirely of pies. Another shop, claiming a "wide variety of products," had only a single serving of juice left. As you can see, just browsing bazaar signs can be fun. But what passes through the minds of the proprietors and customers? I spoke with shop owners first. Many put as much care into their signs as they do their actual products. "I've tried to sum up my wares simply and clearly," was a typical answer. Any good merchant will tell you that attractive products and good prices are important, and that integrity is absolutely vital. But a good sign can do wonders for sales. Simple, clear signs like "Fruit Shop," "Junk Shop," or "Cheaper-than-the-AH Mithkabobs" draw in customers looking for the advertised products. Some shops have signs that are clever as well as clear. "Grandpa's Guns & Ammo" and "From Fresh to Fragile" in Jeuno display some of the proprietors' sense of humor. And who's to forget "The Crys-Taru Shoppe," a Jeunoan store run by a Tarutaru who sells crystals? While many bazaar customers would like to see more playful signs, the most frequent response was a request for more detailed descriptions of the wares. Adventurers travel all over the world, finding and selling a wide assortment of food, armor, and other items. Their bazaars frequently offer items you've never seen before. A sign that explains what they are and how to use them would undoubtedly help buyers feel more comfortable about spending their hard earned cash. Both buyers and sellers have legitimate concerns. The challenge comes in presenting your message inside the sign's limited space. However, I spoke to one merchant in Windurst with a somewhat different outlook. I met Himetti while she was fishing in Windurst Woods. She was selling a pair of boots she had acquired on her travels. Her sign consisted of merely five letters: "BOOTS." When I asked how business was going, she just laughed and replied, "They're not selling, are they?" This relaxed saleswoman was untroubled, though. Her thoughts were not on her sign or her sales, but fixed on the end of her fishing line. Looking at all the different signs reveals bits of the individuals who created them. This is what makes the signs so interesting. Even if you never shop at a bazaar, take a look at some of the distinctive signs they use to advertise. They will give you a peek at something different and more personal than the auction house. Contributor : Mizakura / Quetzalcoatl

It's hard to decipher, but this author is talking about your bazaar messages. You know, the thing you put when people check you that is supposed to catch their eye when you're selling, but ends up making them want to kill themselves because it's something dark and brooding.

I swear to Altana, the bazaar messages were 10% comedy and 90% edgelord memes.

Mine was particularly funny. It simply stated "I must have eaten Pinocchio, because this shit just got real."

Laugh, dammit.

No matter the strength of the enemy before them or the ferocity of the foe they might face, adventurers never give up the fight. But even these tireless individuals have found certain terrors that send the cold chill of fear down their spines. So what does it take to scare an adventurer? I set out to find the answer. "Anything that causes pain and boards a ship, I fear," said a Mithra named Kizzy. Kizzy and Wasenshi, both of whom I met in the port town of Selbina, told of their experiences being attacked by Sea Monks. "Sea Monks seem to hate land monks like me," said Wasenshi, a Hume. Not long from their first adventure, this pair finds terror in the prospect of boarding a boat that offers no place to run. Skilled beastmaster Shimaneco travels deep into mountain ranges or caves for days at a time to fish, hunt, or look for materials. Her most frightening experience came when she caught the scent of a particularly nasty beast. Terror struck when she reached into her pack and discovered she was out of the broth she needed to call her pet. It was the dread of knowing that she would face an opponent she had no hope of defeating. Just imagining such a situation makes my palms sweat. A paladin named Zenai said, "Monsters that are taller than me, I usually fear. But an unbalanced party is my biggest fear." For someone who has offered to bear the brunt of the damage dealt by monsters, having a comrade fall must be the most galling thing imaginable. But adventurers can have hair-raising experiences even in the safety of large cities. "I had just acquired a very valuable item. But when I put it up for sale at the auction house, I found that the price had plummeted," said an adventurer named Onji. "I meant to have the delivery service send something to a friend, but I wrote the recipient's name wrong and wound up sending it to someone I'd never met. I dashed back to retrieve it when I realized what I'd done," said Bouz. "I had just begrudgingly paid an exorbitant amount for a chocobo, but as soon as I got outside the city gates, I heard a call for help. I'm a white mage, so I couldn't refuse," said Jackrovin. If you're an adventurer, you've probably had a similar experience that made your blood run cold. Maybe your life was on the line or maybe it was just a silly mistake. Adventurers encounter a cornucopia of terrors, but those that I spoke to had one thing in common: they spoke as if they had enjoyed the experience. They are surely aware that conquering fear, instead of running from it, is the key to growing as a person. This is the adventurer's way of life. "The bigger the fear, the greater the feeling of achievement in conquering it," said a red mage, smiling awkwardly. His name is Yas. He likes traveling on his own to remote places, so he's seen his fair share of peril. He told me a story about forming an alliance to tackle a mission and taking on a leadership role. There's a lot of pressure on a leader. Pressure to ensure that the group has the correct information, that the parties are communicating properly, that everyone is ready, and that nobody falls in battle. This pressure was the most frightening thing he had ever experienced. But he persevered and led the group to the successful completion of the mission. On their return to the city, Yas's companions rewarded him with praise and adulation. And that remains one of the most satisfying things he has ever experienced. Adventurers battle against a wide variety of fears in the war to improve themselves. My own worst fear is deadlines. Thankfully, I had a great number of interesting and humorous stories, so I didn't have to worry too much. This time... Contributor : Myhal / Gilgamesh

Everyone knows my only fear is a retarded party in the Dunes, but what you may not know is I have a longstanding history with the Sea Horror. 

That dude scares the bajeebus out of me.

First boat ride Manaseph took me on, I was killed by him. I spent the next 10 minutes face down while he rampaged the deck, killing anyone and everyone. It wasn't until maybe four years later that my Samurai came back to settle the score, but the Sea Horror still haunts my dreams to this day.

Every adventurer carries a pack. For the well-equipped amongst us, it might even be deemed indispensable. In the course of their travels, many have found that their packs are too small. They often turn to a certain Goblin to have them resized. But what exactly are people storing in their packs? And why? We recently conducted an extensive survey of adventurers on this very topic. Naturally, the contents of an adventurer's pack vary with his job and role in battle, making for an interesting amalgamation of weapons, equipment, and even food. Those who spend time fishing, mining, and crafting pack their bags full of related tools and equipment. While everybody's pack is different, our survey uncovered an interesting and unexpected trend. A great number of adventurers are carrying and caring for items that they have no intention of using. They carry these things for a variety of reasons. "I always carry this with me. Seeing it reminds me of my friend and keeps my spirits up," said one adventurer. He then pulled a sparkling jewel from the bottom of his bag. It was a memento that he had received from a long-lost friend. Another adventurer carries with him a red carnation. He and his fiancee exchanged the flowers in place of rings. This carnation is no less red than the fires of the passion it symbolizes. Another adventurer carries a lone diamond. Her fiance, a goldsmith, asked her to hold onto it until he has the skills to craft a proper ring. There are some who still treasure the adventurer coupon they received the day they decided to journey forth into Vana'diel. Others hold onto a lucky egg, four-leaf mandragora bud, or wild rabbit tail that represents their dreams. Some even keep a Goblin die, just in case they need a "lucky" roll. Over half of all adventurers surveyed carry some kind of lucky item. Among veterans with a high mission rank that figure jumps to a startling 80%. Adventurers' packs can contain a wide assortment of treasures, and in their deepest recesses they conceal the bearer's fondest memories. Perhaps your own pack contains something that has a meaning far exceeding its use--something about your dreams or character, something that says more than words ever could? There is truly no end to the secrets that are revealed in an adventurer's pack. Contributor : Palulu / Siren

I'm gonna level with ya'll: I kept something really special in my bag for years. My friend Alana crafted a bronze dagger with her name on it and gave it to me. 

I love the concept of sentimental items, because it adds something personal to the game. 

Sure, it might be a dagger to you, but to me, it was something my friend worked hard to make and decided I was worth the time it took. 

It's the little things.

The twittering of birds outside my window alerted me to the break of dawn. I looked up to see dim rays of morning sun filtering through the shutters and shining across the bed where I lay curled in a ball. I lay wrapped in the overstuffed blanket mulling things over for several hours. After gathering my resolve, I pulled on the boots that I had tossed on the floor and hoisted my bag onto my back. The morning's glare washed over me as I pushed through the door. I took a deep breath and bounded down the hostel steps. My destination was the armor shop in the port district. I planned to ask the young lady who was running the shop where I might find her sister. If I could see her once more before leaving Windurst, I would be able to ask her about the young Hume she met ten years ago. With that in mind, I raced to the pier. "Hey, where's your sister?" I blurted out as I ran up to the counter. The Tarutaru girl gawked at me, her mouth agape. "Um, sorry, " I said. "The thing is, I'd really like to see your sister one more time. I need to ask her about the man she met. I think he might be an acquaintance of mine." I wasn't sure if she completely understood what I meant. She answered me very matter-of-factly: "I think she's at the Culinarians' Guildy-wuild. Today is her cooking class." The Culinarians' Guild was just a stone's throw from the hostel--exactly where I had just come from. I took off my jacket and started running back. I glanced over my shoulder as I ran. The girl and the storeowner were jumping up and down and waving at me. I waved back with both hands. I checked at the Culinarians' Guild, but there was no sign of her. The Elvaan cook I spoke to was a bit surprised when I asked about the woman. She had been peeling vegetables right behind him but had suddenly disappeared. So she couldn't have gone far. I left the guild and began searching the surrounding area. A quick sprint around the courtyard left me out of breath. I had been running at full speed with almost no rest since I had left the hostel. My knees were shaking. I decided to return to the Culinarians' Guild one more time. If she wasn't there, I would give up for the day. A grove of pink flowers was in bloom nearby, and as I contemplated the blossoms, a familiar hat perched atop a small body came into view. There was something about that person... I'd found her! This was the lady! I had to steady my pounding heart as I approached her. "Hi. I've been looking for you." She certainly seemed surprised, staring at me with her mouth agape. I chuckled when I realized she looked just like her sister at the armor shop. "What happened to your cooking class? You're going to need to know how to cook when you're married." I said. She flushed crimson; I must have struck a nerve. I squatted down next to her. "There's something I want to tell you...and something I want to ask you," I said. I recounted the details of my dream from the night before in the hope that it would match what had happened to her ten years ago. I told her who appeared in the dream and what they had said and done, to the best of my recollection. She fidgeted as she said, "I--I can'taru believe it! It's like you were there watching us!" So my dream had indeed been a "replay" of the past. Somehow, I had expected that. This was not the first time I'd had a strange dream, so the whole situation didn't seem quite so unusual to me. But who was the young man who visited her all those years ago? That was the one thing that I still didn't know. Such speculation was tiring. I lay down on my back, staring out into space. Several of the pink flower petals scattered by the pleasant breeze drifted down and landed on my face. But a certain cheerful laugh echoed in my mind and took my thoughts away from the fragile beauty surrounding me. His laugh... "By any chancy-wancy do you know who he was?" she asked. The question took me by surprise. I sat up. "I'm not really sure. I wish I did," I said. I turned to face her and told her about what happened during the Great War--about my father and my brother. She listened on in silence. "The city became a battlefield. And it was regular people, families with children--not adventurers or soldiers--who were doing the fighting. My brother was only fourteen at the time." "Waitaru here! I've got something-womething to show you," she announced as she scampered off, not bothering to wait for my response. I sat there in a state of both worry and anticipation. Eventually, I heard her high-pitched voice and turned to see her staggering toward me under the weight of something heavy. I stood up and ran to help her. She wobbled as she hoisted up a cloak for me to take. It had the same bright crimson hue I had seen in my dream. The resemblance sent chills down my spine. "This is the cloak he gave me. Look inside the lefty-weft breast of the cloak," she said. The rest of the world vanished as I turned the cloak inside out. Something in the elegant lining glinted. Embroidered in silver thread were the letters R.K. My hands shook and my mouth went dry as I let my fingers run over the embroidery. "Could those really be your brother-wother's initials?" I heard her speak, but I was unable to respond. She continued, her voice quavering: "The thingy-wings he sold to our store that day were all made from very thick fabric. He also said he wouldn't needy-weed this cloak anymore." Ah! Of course. He had said he wouldn't need any of the things he was selling--and he'd acted as if he had wanted to be rid of them. I was so deep in thought that my eyes began to glass over. "I've thoughtaru about this a lot," she said. "He probably-wobably went somewhere warm after leaving Windurst." Somewhere warm. In other words, somewhere further south. And then I remembered my conversation with the Elvaan woman in Sarutabaruta...

BOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG

Something something sister something something blushes.

12/22 Before presenting my account of the mission to the high priests this morning, I took a moment to review my journal. As I read, I began to see the great changes that had occurred within me during the course of my journey. When I set out on my mission, I regarded all beastmen as leading a barbarous and evil existence. But while I can now confirm that they are, in fact, barbarians, they are not the paragons of evil that I once envisioned them to be. Indeed, even if the beastmen were created to be the scourge of people, we can still meet the beastmen halfway; we can compromise. It is almost as if I have come to understand the beastmen. This realization spurred my courage. Then, leaving Leada behind in the room, I went to present my report to the expected clergy. In addition to the priests the abbot and Lord Mouchand, eneral of the Temple Knights were also attending. I am but a lowly monk, yet a veritable pantheon of high-ranking officials was present to hear my report. Though I was nervous and tripping over my own words, I managed to detail all of the events of my journey, starting with my departure from the abbey. I spoke of the Orcs who live for battle, the final moments of the Antica named Sector 2734, the Sahagin who showed an interest in the Goddess, and the Star Sybil's head lady-in-waiting. I told of my capture by the Yagudo, who are the model servants of an evil god and spoke of the Goblins that delivered me from Giddeus. I told them of the Quadav priest who feared the return of Gu'Dha. I explained about the Tonberry assassin that had snuck into our noble city. The priests listened to my story with accepting nods, appalled gasps, and polite inquiries. When my report was complete, Lord Mouchand began to speak. "Our fair country has a history of dreadful and bloody conflict with the Federation of Windurst and the Republic of Bastok. Indeed, before the founding of the Kingdom of San d'Oria, Elvaan were taking up arms against their fellow Elvaan. "We are resolved to wage war on those who deny the glory of the Dawn Goddess. However, we would also know the glory of the gates of paradise opening to the beastmen as well as to us. Do you believe it possible that in a decade, or even a century, we might peacefully coexist with the beastmen?" The general of the Temple Knights looked me straight in the eye. I nodded, choking up with emotion as I answered with a firm "Yes!" "Abbot, I thank you for the opportunity to meet this fine young man. We of the Temple Knights are pleased to welcome Joseaneaut," he proclaimed. I heard the general's words, but I did not trust my ears. Sensing my confusion, the priests explained the situation. The Temple Knights and the Royal Knights are the guardians of San d'Oria. The Royal Knights fortify the borders of the kingdom and protect us from the enemy without. They are brave, but that bravery sometimes leads them to violate their codes of conduct and, in doing so, even contravene church doctrine. The Temple Knights are therefore responsible for ensuring the fidelity of the Royal Knights. This role requires not bravery, but rather a deep and abiding faith, combined with an iron will to resist the temptations of unholy concession. I found it most surprising that the abbot would recommend me for such an honor. My report finished, I asked leave to contemplate the events of the day. I returned to my room to present Leada with the three Ranperre goldpieces that comprised her reward. The coins were of a value far greater than that which was stamped on their faces. Leada was nowhere to be found when I returned to the room. Perhaps she had grown bored and headed into the city to seek entertainment. I gazed out the window into the setting sun and contemplated my future. I still wished to meet with the Gigas to the north. But if I were appointed to shepherd the Temple Knights, I would certainly have many opportunities to bridge the chasm between people and beastmen. Goddess, calm the fluttering of my heart! 12/23 Leada returned to the room just before dawn. "Josea, Leada need help. Is okay?" she asked before I could even offer my greetings. This was unprecedented. I changed my clothes and we headed out into the morning mist that shrouded the city. I followed Leada into a blind alley, where I found another Goblin leaning limply against a stone wall. Leada explained that this was Gloomix, who had helped rescue me from Giddeus. A blood-soaked bandage was wrapped around his left leg. After the daring raid on Giddeus, Gloomix had headed north to join the battle there. When the tide of the battle turned against him, his friends were scattered. Somehow, he managed to find his way to San d'Oria. By the infinite blessings of the Goddess, he chanced upon Leada. He had also stolen a loaf of black bread from the inn and was being pursued by the Temple Knights. What misfortune this was! Goblin merchants are only permitted to enter certain sections of the city. The penalty for violating this prohibition is harsh; I shuddered to think what retribution would be brought upon a Goblin for such an act as theft. Were he to be caught, it would surely mean his life. "We's helping Gloomix!" The plea in Leada's voice moved me. With a suspected Goblin thief running free inside the city, there would be inspections at every gate. And even if he did manage to elude detection at the gates, a wound such as his would ensure his capture. It would...if he were alone. There was only one thing left to do. I would have to aid his escape and send Leada with him as an escort. She must also have already reached the same conclusion, which is why she came to me for help. This would be my opportunity to return the favor of Giddeus--even if it would sacrifice Lord Mouchand's trust in me. We headed to the port under the castle as the sun began to climb into the sky. Rather than leaving through the castle gates, we would row out onto the lake. Unlike the castle gates, the gates out of the port have but one guard each. It would not be difficult for me to distract a single sentry. The two Goblins climbed into a small boat at the pier and covered themselves up. I remembered Leada's reward just as I untied the boat, so I passed the coins to her. "Farewell, Leada. It would be my honor to once again journey with you," I said. "Josea be alright alone. Leada grateful. Bye." We shook hands for the last time. Leada sang merrily as she rowed the boat out onto Nartieneaux Lake:   One gold coin for many explanation,   One gold coin for many trans-lation,   Life makes one coin more,   But the most good reward,   I don't tell you, no temptation. I returned to the cathedral to write this, which may be the final entry in my journal. Now I must beg the Goddess Altana for absolution. I will be judged--perhaps even driven from the church. But I am neither conflicted nor pained, for I chose the path of bridging the gap between people and beastmen... Goddess, may your light shine upon the futures of both people and beastmen.

Hey there... *rubs my temples* Joseaneaut. How ya doing, buddy? Still sucking? Cool.

You really need to stay far away from every race of beastmen as possible, lest they think you represent the other nations and decide we are easy to murder.

You've been far, you've traveled all over the place. That's cool, bro. Now just go home and please stop embarrassing yourself around all I wish to murder.

That would be cool.