Cruisin'

What have I been doing for the past week?

I'm glad you asked specifically about the past week and not the month since my last post.

Lucky me.

Let me tell you about what I did and did not do.

What I did not do, was work. What I did do was hop on a big boat and go to the Bahamas for a week.

Sun, and sand, and people harassing me for money while trying to slap a five cent bracelet on my arm.

I already miss you, my dearest boat.

First stop was Nassau, which is possibly where arts and crafts go to die. Everywhere you look, all the peddlers had the exact same wooden carvings they claimed to have made by hand.

Yes, overweight lady with four inch fingernails, I am taking your word that this intricately carved sea turtle was done by you between bouts of chicken that looked like poop smothered in a flavorless sauce that looked like more poop.

And you thought I was making up the poop part.

Some random cab driver offered to take us on a sightseeng tour for $30 a piece, which was pretty nice. We went to the Queen's staircase, which was a large escape route carved by slaves for soldiers of a nearby fort, and lead to a secluded jungle with a waterfall and several people carving penises into the rock walls.

If none of the words I just said sounded awesome, you no longer can call yourself a human being.

Speaking of penises.

Haha, Bahama sex.

There were also a ton of forts littering the island, which was pretty cool because cannons go boom.

I got to visit the Atlantis Casino and Restort, which is probably the only time I will ever be able to afford a trip there. We were able to shamble around the casino area like poverty-stricken zombies, staring at bright lights and glass sculptures. Several very expensive glass sculptures.

Can you tell they like glass sculptures?

I also lost $3 at the casino, so I can now say "I gambled at the Atlantis Casino" witout making Jesus hate me.

After driving around for a few hours, we stopped off at the Pirates of Nassau Museum, which was fun, although a bit cheesy. Picture a haunted house without all the drunk people jumping out at you. Which, in hindsight, would have made the museum a lot better. But $13 for a 20 minute learning experience wasn't that bad, even though it did involve actually learning something. Ew.

Also I was put in the stockade for murder, which is awesome.

Second stop was Freeport, which was like Nassau except less pirates and more cargo ships begging to be pirated. Ironic, isn't it?

We took a shuttle to a white sandy beach where we met up with an excursion lady, who we hoped didn't run off with our money.

There was also a point in which I feared for my life at the hands of what I assumed to be a Somalian pirate, but it was just our ride a few miles out to the reef so we could go snorkeling.

Honest mistake.

Look at that crystal clear water. Although I did not befriend a dolphin or awaken an Elder God, (two things on my bucket list) the experience of snorkeling along a reef in clear water was more than I could have hoped for, even though it did begin raining.

Yes, good times were had by all. As this is my second cruise, I can safely say I am a confident cruise-knowledge guy. A man of education, if you will.

And you know what the best part of the trip was?

None of the NPCs were broken.

Suck it, FFXIV.