This is Just a Tribune IV

Wasn't that fun? With the friends list and the numbers and the pies. I had a good time. But more importantly, did you?

It was nostalgic to go back and check my list. A vast majority of the names were people that made an impact on my life during those early years. The rest were stupid, stupid people. 

I will probably do something of the like in coming posts, we'll see. 

For now, we're continuing with our beloved Tribune series. What does this issue have in store for us?!

Old dudes and trees. This is going to be interesting.

Maat, a most mysterious figure, can be found quietly training on the grounds of the Auroral Place, the seat of the Jeunoan government. Maat is in fact a legendary fighter, held in great esteem by even the Ducal Guard. But the adventurers who come to him for training feel somewhat differently; few hide their opinions when questioned about his training methods. Some respond to the mere mention of his name by curtly saying that he is an old crank who demands the impossible. Others will go even further, saying things like: "One day I'm going to wring that old geezer's neck myself." The one most keenly aware of this aggression is Maat himself. That is why he has decided to offer this most daunting of challenges to those that he deems strong enough. "Well, now that you mention it, I think I'd be delighted to test your might with my own hands," he has been heard saying. This is, at long last, a dream come true for many. News of the challenge spread quickly, and Maat is now swamped with challengers. And what of those who have finished this final showdown? What are their impressions? Vana'diel Tribune reporter Finleen was there to ask them. "I let him know exactly how I've felt all these years!" said a warrior named Dainslef (Asura). "I'm not letting him concede next time! I'm taking him down!" promised Waka (Ramuh), a white mage. "With this, I can once again grow as a red mage," said Erene (Bismarck). "All you've got to do is get him before he gets you," said Gsan (Ramuh), a thief. "Three cheers for vile elixir!" shouted a paladin named Kaichan (Ramuh). "It's all about knowing when to use your abilities," said Ellenoyle (Asura), a paladin. "Honestly, sometimes he just made me mad. But he also showed me my weaknesses," said a dark knight named Yukine (Ramuh). "Thank you, old man!" said Vienna (Ramuh), a bard. "I'm so happy I got to jam with Maat, " said a bard named Legoras (Ramuh). "Don't tell anyone, but I was so nervous that I grabbed the wrong equipment for the fight," lamented a ranger named Mnick (Fenrir). "Honest to Goddess, I only won by a hair," said a ranger named Sio (Ramuh). Surprisingly, many of those interviewed have suffered painful defeat at Maat's hands. It was that very experience that allowed them to beat him in the end. Perhaps this is the best indication of Maat's true strength. But maybe we'll never know for sure. He's certainly not just some "irritating old codger." Tales of Maat's dealings with adventurers have reached as far as Bastok. Degenhard, who trains on a corner in the market district, said excitedly: "That Maat fellow? Is he still around? I've got to say that I'm impressed with all of these people who are taking him on and winning. Folks like that make for a hard act to follow." Many decades ago, Degenhard trained at the same dojo as Maat. He's one of the few who knows Maat's mysterious past. They were fierce rivals in their youth. They shared the same dreams, the same joys, the same pain. Maat has been an important force in Degenhard's life. The two aged warriors faced off many a time. Even living so far apart, they still follow the same training regimen they always have, and they still impart the same dream to young adventurers. Interviews : Finleen / Story : Nolvillant

For those of you who don't know, or don't care to remember, Maat was that guy you angrily went to when you found out you couldn't level past 50. Or 55. Or 60. He sent you on a stupid quest, usually killing X to retrieve Y, so you could break past your level limit and continue having fun.

It was mundane, pointless, and turned people into begging sheep due to the fact it was next to impossible for you to complete the required quest solo at your current capped level. 

The only reason you probably even remotely liked the old guy was if you kicked his ass enough times, he would give you his hat, which meant something a long time ago, but it's probably crap now.

Possibly replaced by a hairpin, like everything else.

While sparkling lights illuminated the streets of Vana'diel and brightened the spirits of city-dwellers, a group of once-radiant Twinkling Treants was wreaking havoc all across the land. The nearly forgotten treants were returned to the Rhinostery in Windurst and were scheduled for incineration. The mysterious trees had other plans. "Getting rid of those trees should have been mere routine, but they woke from their stasis, and boy, were they mean!" explained a representative of the Rhinostery, which sought help from adventurers in controlling the well-rooted menace. This unusual situation was taking place right outside the city. A giant treant, beautifully decorated with multicolored lights, was thrashing about at the many adventurers that surrounded it. The treant's delicate ornamentation belied it's incredible strength. The adventurers that surrounded the creature were dropping like flies beneath the treant's withering assault. "Can we really beat this thing?" inquired one anonymous voice from the increasingly dispirited crowd. Their exhaustion was beginning to show. Suddenly, a shout rose up from the throng. It was Taxman, who had opened a linkshell called "TreeSweepers" specifically for this event. He was one of the first to answer the call to arms, gathering adventurers to fight against the Twinkling Treants. He quickly assembled a strong group of adventurers. Both useful information and wild theories began to fly. "We should just hammer it with skillchains." "We've got way too many people to coordinate something like that. We're better off with everybody just hitting the thing as hard as they can." "How about a tidal wave of black magic?" Mixing these ideas with a healthy dose of trial and error, the adventurers threw everything they had at the tree. Its strength slowly began to ebb. Even off of the front lines, there were plenty of roles to be played. Taxman flew to Jeuno to gather more adventurers. Pascal, a white mage traveling with Taxman, teleported the new recruits to the battle. "Being a white mage isn't just curing and healing. I'm doing whatever I can," said Pascal. Their actions seemed to be helping. Soon the treant was completely swarmed by adventurers. Nearby was Kirinji, selling grilled hare for only one gil per slice. "I made this food because it was all I could do to aid the fight," he stated. Even as Kirinji spoke, adventurers were wolfing down the meat before heading to the front lines. Despite the heavy beating the tree was taking from the surrounding adventurers, the furious flora continued to retaliate. Eventually, the last of its seemingly limitless strength faded. The lifeless hulk crashed to the ground amid cheers and shouts. Fireworks were lit. Dances were danced. Hats were tossed high in the air. Everyone shared in the joy of the victory and praised each other's bravery and fighting prowess. "At first, I didn't even think it was possible. But we just kept plugging away at the thing and, working together, we brought it down. What a feeling!" enthused an adventurer named Mine. This group was not alone in this treant-toppling task. Adventurers throughout the world gathered together to slay all of the wayward treants. "Assassin" fought hard to the last. "I couldn't rest until the last of the trees had been vanquished. I went all over the world," he said with a sigh of relief. Hearing the news that the treants had fallen, the three nations opened a teleport service to show their gratitude to the adventurers. This new service is being operated by the Specialty Goods Trade Union. Rottan is just one of many who are thrilled with this news. He couldn't wait to try out the service by teleporting to a far-flung region, no doubt to savor the collective victory. Finally, Taxman, who opened the linkshell, looked back on the experience and said: "All I did was get the ball rolling. This is everyone's victory." As Taxman says, there were no standouts in the battle; such a victory could only occur by steadfast teamwork and cooperation. Contributor : Storm / Kujata

When they title their article "Trees Gone Wild," my mind conjures images of Treants in bikinis drunkenly exposing their bark-covered boobs during Spring break, causing monocled old people to exclaim "Well I never!"

This article was not that.

During the Christmas event, Treants covered in lights would roam outside of each nation, causing panic on the younger, more retarded adventurers.

While sentient Yule logs are interesting in their own right, my article would have been waaay better.

Just about everyone who lives in Jeuno has seen the adorable little girl selling flowers in a corner of the Ru' Lude Gardens. That Mithra girl is Dabih Jajalioh. Though still just a kitten, Dabih Jajalioh is doing excellent business as a representative of the M&P Market. M&P Market is, of course, the famous general store near the clock tower. They also have a branch in Kazham, on Elshimo Island. Dabih Jajalioh shows up for work everyday. Her focus and dedication are a source of encouragement to others on the street. There are even rumors that she has fans who visit her on a regular basis. The other day, an adventurer arrived with fresh news of Dabih Jajalioh. He reported that she had expanded her inventory beyond flowers. I hadn't had the chance to see her lately, so I decided to pay her a visit. Entering the Ru'Lude Gardens from Upper Jeuno and walking by the auction house, I heard a familiar voice at the bottom of the stairs call out, "Hello therrre. I worrrk for the M&P Market. I'm still new, so I don't know much about selling stuff..." Naturally, it was Dabih's voice. She waved happily when she caught sight of me. I waved back in reply, in spite of myself. When I reached the bottom of the staircase, she was more than happy to show me her new and improved selection. She began to rattle off details of her business before I could even ask a question. "Look! So many people have been buying from me that the ownerrr gave me morrre things to sell! I'm so happy! I'm going to sell more than I ever have beforrrre!" I found her work ethic touching. I bought a lilac and one of the ogre pumpkins that she had just begun to sell. The next day, I visited the M&P Market in Upper Jeuno and spoke to the owner, Champalpieu. "She greatly enjoys dealing with the customers. Even in the most frigid temperatures, she will wait there at the bottom of the stairs to see who will pass by next. She is rather young, but her demeanor is that of a true businesswoman," he told me. Before returning to our offices, I stopped by Dabih's store again and bought another lilac. I watched her deal with several other customers. A few adventurers stopped to buy flowers and pumpkins. She saw them off with a smile, then took a deep breath before shouting to the crowds again: "Hello therrre, handsome! The M&P Market has a lot of useful items, just for you!" Her cheery voice echoed over the Ru'Lude Gardens as the sun set. With the continuing support of adventurers and the fine citizens of Jeuno, Dabih will most certainly grow up to be a fine businesswoman. I hope to see her when she does. Rirukuku

I remember that stupid little girl in Jeuno. When people would ask about a chocobo egg, I'd point them to her. When they got there, of course her stock had changed, making me look like a poop face liar.

She had nothing of value, which you had to buy in order to get something of above average value.

I was always glad to be in Dynamis Jeuno so I could truthfully tell myself she is no longer in this world. 

The day after crossing the Nonpipi River, I arrived in Windurst, on the southern tip of Mindartia. It has been five long years since I was last in Windurst. I was serving in a mercenary unit that had set up camp in Giddeus and was dispatched to replenish our waning food supply. That was my first and only visit to the city. As much as I would have liked to take the time to look at this peaceful city--so different from San d'Oria or Jeuno--I was not there as a tourist. All I can remember is that I was in and out on the same day. This time figured to be different. I had no responsibilities save that of enjoying myself; with this on my mind, I began my sightseeing with a stroll through Windurst Woods. I spoke with a Cardian at the Manustery and visited the Mithra District, where I caught a glimpse of the esteemed Mithra Chieftainness. I was amused to see that they had even named the dhalmels at a nearby ranch. After roaming about Windurst Woods, I figured that I'd go pay my respects to the Great Star Tree. I looked up and realized that I was much closer to the port than I was to Windurst Walls. I decided that as long as I was in the area, I would check out the Fishermen's Guild. As I was opening my map to catch my bearings, something wrapped around one of my legs. "Huh?" Slightly stunned, I looked down and saw a Tarutaru woman clinging tightly to my right leg. Figuring it was little more than juvenile mischief, I went to scold her. But then, she shouted: "It's been soooo long. I'm so happy-wappy to see you again!" Was this somebody I knew from long ago? I bent over to look at her. She had pointed ears and round eyes spilling over with tears. Her nose reminded me of a puppy's. But I still couldn't say for sure whether I had actually met her before. But something... "That gentle-wentle gaze! Your wistful smile! It's just like the lastaru time I saw you. I'm so happy-wappy..." she said as she pressed her cheek against my leg. I got a little wrapped up in all the attention. "Ummm, what last time?" I tried to ask, but her squeaky voice cut me off. "Looky-wook! Over there! That's the armor shop, remember-wember?" She looked up at me, grinning from ear to ear, as she clung to the sleeve of my coat like a child. She pointed to the armor shop at the end of the pier, oblivious to my confusion. "Actually, I just quit my job tending the store. But the cloak you leftaru me ten years ago..." she said. "Just a moment," I interrupted. I squatted down and brought my eyes level to hers. "I think you've mistaken me for somebody else. I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner." After all, my visit to Windurst was five years ago, not ten. "Oh dear..." The Tarutaru woman stood in silence for a moment looking utterly crestfallen. Then she turned tail and ran away. I decided to visit the armor shop at the end of the pier instead of the Fishermen's Guild. This woman's story might be interesting, I thought. The girl at the counter of the armor shop closely resembled the lady with the case of mistaken identity. I inquired about my encounter and what had happened ten years ago. I got a very interesting answer. Evidently, the girl who had bumped into me had worked at this same armor shop ten years ago and was the sister of the woman I was speaking with. "She's going to getaru married soon, so I took over her jobby-wob at the shop," she said proudly. The store owner finished up with another customer and joined our conversation, providing more information about the young lady. Before she met her fiance, she had spent ten years smitten with the very first customer she had ever helped. The shop owner couldn't recall the man's face--or any other details, for that matter--except that he was a Hume. Perhaps I look something like the man from ten years ago. I began to feel as though I had done something terrible to the girl. If I hadn't come to the port, she would have been spared a great deal of pain. I called a halt to my sightseeing. For some reason, it just didn't seem to hold my interest anymore. Forgoing dinner, I returned to the hostel and collapsed on the bed. I quickly fell asleep and had a rather strange dream. "Hi there. This really is an interesting city," I said. In the dream, I was speaking to a young Tarutaru girl as if we'd known each other for years. Her cheeks reddened as she looked up at me and said, "Wh-whataru can I do for you?" The shop was somehow familiar. It looked a little bit like the armor shop at the end of the pier. After the customary chit-chat, I began to take things out of my trunk and lay them on the counter. The girl seemed nervous as she appraised each item in turn. I paused after I had laid out the last item. I leaned on the counter and thought things over for a minute. The girl appeared worried as she looked over at me. "I just can't sell this. Hey, beautiful, how would you like this cloak for yourself?" I blurted out. "N-no! I couldn'taru. That's far too lovely-wuvly for me." "No it's not. I had to work hard to get my hands on this. Unfortunately, I'm not going to need it anymore. Here, you take it. It really brings out the amber in your eyes." She was stunned, and tottered under the weight of the crimson cloak. I remember laughing happily as I left the store. That laughter was what woke me. Something was wrong. I don't laugh like that. That wasn't me. It was somebody who looked a lot like me, though. "It couldn't be...." My body felt like a lead weight. I cradled my aching head in my hands to greet the morning.

First of all, the name Nonpipi makes me giggle.

Secondly, if sitting around part-time with your bazaar up was boring enough, I could only imagine the tedium of being an actual shopkeeper. You'd have to deal with... People...

Kill me now.

12/20 Leada's keen nose caught the smell of blood as we passed through the lengthening shadow of Mount Ghelsba. The sun was setting, but I estimated that we were a mere five malm from the capital. Trusting Leada's gut instinct, I followed her off the road, where we found two bodies on the ground. The blood spattered in the dirt and on the trees indicated that this was the remnant of a nasty fight. One body was that of a young Elvaan man who was, by the look of his armor, a Temple Knight. The other was small like a Tarutaru, but with green skin and yellow eyes. I'd never seen one before, but this was clearly a Tonberry. But how did a beastman from Elshimo get so near to our noble kingdom? Leada was also giving the beastman a puzzled look. Had the Tonberry and the Temple Knight stabbed each other? The Tonberry had fallen to the ground, still gripping a blood-soaked knife in his left hand and a broken lantern in his right. I paused to pray for their souls, and then hurried to San d'Oria to inform the Temple Knights. I knew not the details of this odd find, but a Tonberry in the forests of Ronfaure is not to be overlooked. Passing through the gates of the city, we headed straight for the guard post, where we explained the situation to the Temple Knights. Several of them followed us back to the site. I couldn't believe my eyes. Only the corpse of the Temple Knight remained. The Tonberry had vanished, along with his knife and lantern. "That wretched Goblin fiend must be to blame," shouted one of the knights. The group drew their swords on Leada. I tried to dampen their suspicion by explaining my mission and her role in it. The Temple Knights would not listen, nor would they believe me when I insisted that there had been a Tonberry lying on the ground. Worse still, they suspected me of lying to protect Leada and imprisoned me for the perceived offense. Sometime around midnight, a priest from the cathedral arrived to plead for my freedom by explaining who I was and what I was doing. They released me, but they would not consent to do the same for Leada, as they had not yet found the real killer. Now I must prove Leada's innocence. Though I am safe in the cathedral, Leada is trapped by the cold stone walls of the Watchtower. Goddess, shine upon this city your light of truth! 12/21 I was permitted to delay my mission's progress report by a day so that I might have time to study the writings kept the in cathedral library and learn of the Tonberries. Tonberries live in a temple called "Uggalepih." They are known to have a deep and burning hatred for people. They never set down their lanterns or knives until they have died. The records also list many instances of Tonberries being employed as very effective assassins. That was all I could glean from the many books I read, but it was all I needed. Could this Tonberry be an assassin? Perhaps the knight found him and attacked. But could the Tonberry have survived? If he had, he could have sneaked into the city. Perhaps he is simply waiting for the chance to strike? Realizing that this was a very real threat, I ran from the cathedral and began searching. I looked on Pikeman's Way, Watchdog Alley, Cavalry Way, Ranperre Gate, Squire Alley, and Laborman's Way. I had to find him and convince him to stop the assassination. I ran all about the city, asking everyone I met. Alas, majestic San d'Oria is far too large. It felt like no time at all before the sun had started to set. Could it have all been in my head? A meaningless obsession? I sat down by the fountain on the Parade Ground as I mentally perused such a possibility. A piercing whistle and a shout from Ranperre Gate shattered my reverie. "We've found the intruder!" Temple Knights began to appear and rush across the square. I rose and followed after them. The Tonberry stood under the gate at the entrance to Laborman's Way, surrounded by the advancing guards. He held a broken lantern in his right hand. There can be no doubt that he was the same one I had seen previously. Even from such a distance, I could see that there was no escape for him. But I could not, in the mercy of the Goddess, allow such a wanton taking of life. I stepped forward to save him, but one of the Temple Knights grabbed my sleeve--a clear signal that I was unwelcome to proceed further. At the same moment I yanked my arm back, the Tonberry pulled something from the folds of his cloak. A flash of red light leapt from his hand, sending a shockwave to wash over us. This last-minute attack seriously injured four knights. No clues remained of the assassin, who his target might have been, or who had hired him. Not even a body could be found. The Tonberry had simply vanished. In the middle of the night, the priest brought Leada back to the cathedral, but I was unable to greet her with the good cheer she deserved. I had set out on my journey to spread the light of Altana so that I might bridge the gap that exists between people and beastmen. But what good has come of it? I was unable to convince the Temple Knights that even though she is a Goblin, Leada is not a murderer. I was not even able to prevent humans and beastmen from attempting to kill each other right before my own eyes. I am worthless. I do not think Leada is used to soft beds, as she is currently jumping up and down on hers, singing:   I took a pickaxe and I dug,   Work'd to the bone and I dug,   Shining gold, home I drug.   But from that dream, I sadly woke,   In real sweat did my body soak,   And without that gold, I am broke. Goddess, will my mission fail to light the road to understanding for my brothers?

Hey there, Joseaneaut, old buddy. What shenanigans are you getting into this time?

Although I approve of Tonberry-on-Elvaan crime, they are way out of your league, pal. I've seen you fight. Stay far away from them and basically anything else. Any crime scene you come across, please leave to trained professionals.

I don't have to elaborate further, you pretty much summed it up well in the end. Maybe Club Penguin is  more your speed.